I was prescribed Ativan for my anxiety, but wen I took it, that shit made me feel so horrible I thought I had relapsed back to day one, before admission to the hospital. So tonight since my urges to cut are bad still, and haven’t subsided at all….my mom suggested I take Xanax which has taken the place of Ativan. More then likely gonna zombify me since I took it with my Seroquel….ugh.
Tag:
bad
Being alone for me, can be good or bad. It’s never really either, there is peace in being alone sometimes, but other times… I’d do anything for someone to be near me.
It’s weird, craving company, for me anyway. I never really was a social kid – I’ve said before I found it difficult to fit in and I was never really bothered about going out too much. But I don’t know, something changed in secondary school; I found myself wanting to be… accepted? Wanted? Included?
I changed my habits I guess – I stopped reading and writing so much fanfiction, stopped holing myself in my room […]
I’m not sure where to begin, other than to say my life has completely spiraled out of control. And I am beginning to feel too weak to bear this on my own. I have a child and I am trying to keep it together for her, but when u have feelings of despair it is so so hard. Right now I am in therapy and will be seeing my doctor soon to possibly prescribe me for anti depressants. I am taking steps in all the right directions to try and get better. I just don’t know if this is even working. My daughters father, whom […]
No matter how hard I try to distract myself and think of good thoughts, the bad ones always come back and persist. It has gotten to the point where I just want to kill myself and end it all. I can’t handle anything anymore
Take a look around don’t you see it?
See that you are the only real face in the room
No one here has a clue what you’re feeling
Don’t feel bad keep your sadness alive
Look at all these happy people
Living their lives
Look at all these plastic people
There’s nothing inside
Look at all these shallow people
Telling their lies
Look at all these empty people, people
Don’t you know that misery loves company
Yeah I heard, the misery was looking for me
Happiness is a face that don’t look good on me
Yeah I heard, the misery comes looking for me
Woah, misery’s my […]
Tonight is really bad. I miss my girls so much. This is so hard to keep going through the days when the most important part of your life is gone, yet they are only minutes away and you cant go see them, call them, hug them, tell them you love them. I know ive made mistakes and done stupid things but I regret them honestly and truly. Doesnt that count for anything? I wish I would just die in my sleep tonight and be taken away from this hell.
my life is crap. it will always be. i have bipolar disorder. i will always have it. why should i keep going? im not even sad right now, im just being honest. I have two people who im living for, my gf and my son. I cant provide for them because of my issues right now, plus horrible economy. im poor, and black. i have health problems. i couldnt find love if my gf left me, which she might. I have 1 other friend. I live with my folks, and my family is sick just like me. Im thinking of killing myself, and writing a […]
I’m sick and tired of waiting to hear back from my boyfriend. I heard my sister on the phone talking about me and I’m just so fucking done with all of it. I’m sick of people. I didn’t even want to be here to begin with. She starts complaining about how I keep her up at night because I want to finish the last 15 minutes of a tv show (even though I’ll turn off the lights and try and move the screen) and tries to embarrass me publicly about how I watch MLP. Whatever suck it. Seriously. I don’t give a fuck that I […]
What makes you think you know what’s best for you?
What makes you think you know what’s right and what’s wrong?
What makes you think you know the difference between good and bad?
What makes you think you know what you’re doing?
What makes you think you know everything?
I guess it’s a bit different. People can get along. But will I ever do the same?
What makes one sane? A bunch of standardised tests for differentiated individuals?
Disorganised and depressed thoughts for the last 4 years. And I’m not even 18.
Maybe I just had a rough day. But, I’ll never be able to talk to y’all the same way.
Sorry for wasting your time. I just felt the need to turn to someone/something. Cause I have a bad tendency to turn to self abuse when I feel low or disappointed or mad at myself.
I am a writer, I write poems, short stories, books, songs, etc. I wrote a poem a while back about suicide and self harm. Everybody says it is very beautiful but the content is bad (suicide anx self harm) anybody want to see it?? I will post it if you want to see it. 🙂
I want to cut myself so bad right now. It’s like the longer I go without, the more intense the urges become. I should reward myself for going almost 3 weeks without any bloodshed. Positive reinforcement, or whatever that psychology theory is.
It might sound weird, but I almost miss the smell of the blood, the feel, the sight. I could get so much red out of just a few small wounds.
Why do I miss it?
I feel like I’m being tested. A situation that anyone else would feel as normal. That in any other case in my life would be normal now feels like its a test from God. I don’t know if I even believe in God. I don’t know if Karma or any of that exist yet im so lost in with everything right now that I cant get the thought out of my head. I have a road in front of me that if it is a test, I will fail and lose any and all hope of reconciliation, yet I don’t even know if that reconciliation […]
You don’t have to read if you’re not interested. I’m just ranting. I have a friend that I cherish and care for. She has been supporting me and helping me through. I have a lot of problems in life although I’m just 15, it’s a long story so maybe I’ll write more about it soon. Â But recently I had a fight with her. I relied on her so much that I didn’t realize how much she was hurting. I tried to be nice, I tried to help. But it feels like she wouldn’t let me. She never tell me her problems and I […]
You know how sometime you wake up thinking for once it might actually be a decent day maybe even a good day. You have that unusual glimmer of hope. I got about 30 seconds of that. Most of my friends would say “its no big deal. So what your mom and her boyfriend got in a fight.” Back when i was little my parents fought all the time you’d think i’d be used to it. Especially the way my dad was. Strong with an uncontrollable temper and a jealous mind. In all honest that just makes it all worse. I wasn’t exactly “planned.” Im the […]
I was born to parents with a failing marriage. My father is an alcoholic and cocaine addict, now in recovery. My father cheated on my mom which eventually led to divorce. I still don’t know the real reason behind what happened. My father was barely honorably discharged from the military. Since I started school I would take in everything and not do any work and not turn anything in. Before you ask, no I do not have ADHD or any clinical diagnosis besides chronic depression. I am an avid musician, I’ve traveled Europe with a music group..I still want to end this life though. I’ve […]
I think that I am feeling better. Or am I? I am so used to telling psychologists about my life, but I haven’t really listened to my own words. Could this actually be my reality? Seems like a weird and sad movie, really. I’m going to try to keep this short. EDIT: Turned out to be longer than expected…
I’ve had OCD for like forever, which probably is harder than I realize. I lost my best friend when I was 8 years old when a tsunami hit Thailand, my father has been drinking way too much for as long as I can remember, my mother has […]
I feel cornered.
The past six years of my life, I’ve been telling myself it will get better. My friends, my family, the various therapists I’ve been to, they all say the same thing: it will get better.
But now that I’m here, I realize it’s not going to get better. I’m going to be crippled by this black hole in my mind for the rest of my life. There’s no cure. I’m not interested in leading a life marked by this strange, hellish pain. I’m too tired to put up with it anymore. As much as I want to love my life, there’s simply […]
Being Alone In Bliss
You know the first thing i thought of when i held the household cleaner. Drink It. End it now. Finish it off. The first thing i thought of when i opened the cabinet above the sink, grab a razor; end it. I want to die so bad all i do is fuck things up. All i do is cause trouble and pain. Idk if anyone knows how i’m feeling right now. I want to leave my body. I want no use of my soul. I want to be dead. I’m in my closet crying alone. No one knows […]
Like everyone here, im on the ragged edge. I watched a kitten last week for my (gf/ex/dont know where were at anymore) while she was on vacation with her family. Immediately I bonded with that little kitty and it actually helped me to feel a little bit better about things. Just having that companion to come home to. Knowing she was waiting for me. Her chasing me around the house attacking my leg. So I told my mom and sister about it and asked them to keep an eye out for one for me thinking maybe it will help. Today, after work, my sister told […]