Like everyone here, im on the ragged edge. I watched a kitten last week for my (gf/ex/dont know where were at anymore) while she was on vacation with her family. Immediately I bonded with that little kitty and it actually helped me to feel a little bit better about things. Just having that companion to come home to. Knowing she was waiting for me. Her chasing me around the house attacking my leg. So I told my mom and sister about it and asked them to keep an eye out for one for me thinking maybe it will help. Today, after work, my sister told […]
Tag:
bad
So I haven’t slept anything tonight either. It seems it has become somewhat an habit of mine, not sleeping that is. My brain’s a gooey mess, and I find myself at the edge of sanity yet again.
I don’t know what’s worse, living in this blurry world of mine in a zombie like state, wasting time, almost not existing… Feeling this emptyness… It’s funny… No Mather how shit everything feels, if you take away one of the human essentials it actually gets worse. I just miss seeing things clearly, ya know? Sleeplessness is fogging up my fucked up mind and I feel so powerless.
but as I […]
All I want is to be okay. All I get is worse. I just want help but I’m too prideful to ask. And when I did. I got yelled at for not even talking to my mom about my problems. But that would end bad, since she’s one of them and God knows I’ll never trust someone who almost drug me to my grave.
Suicide is an option I can’t have. For though I would love it; the escape. I wouldn’t be able to leave him…Its cliche I suppose but he’s my foundation, without him I would truly collapse.
Lately I’ve just gotten worse and I can’t […]
I feel lost and scared. I am stuck in a rut with work and school. I am not the person I thought I would be at this point in my life.. Just don’t feel like I can turn to anyone. I have had bad thoughts running through my head too often and they keep coming. The people I could talk to have vanished I don’t know how to continue on faking like I’m okay. I don’t know how to life live knowing I’m not who I want to be and trying to change doesn’t satisfy anyone they want immediate change and I can’t provide that
Its like a cancer of the soul. Many years of pain and suffering, and the only thing that makes it better is bad things. I dont wanna live. I dont always wanna die. Im like in a limbo or something.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
dtm is what we make befor we die ay one who has had a near deth or has died for sevrel secionds (welcome to the club of almost there) will have felt this i first tryed dmt when i tryed killing my self for the 6th time and didunt understand it till at a gig i tryed dtm knowing what it was dtm is the cem in your brine that carms you down to die with out dmt you would spass out on the floor like in a bad scary film so the question will it help you pull the trigger no it whont if your looking […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLPsZoF8q1U
this is what i put on when im sad or takeing acid for a trip or both allthough i would say no acid when your in a low spot can stend your mind down a bad trip
I have considered suicide and homicide intermittently for years because I have trouble living with the knowledge of how horrible people are,and the despicable things they do. I feel more homicidal tonight,but thats a Good thing..its much less painful,and its pretty fucking fun,too.. If you could take a moment to consider my note,id appreciate it immensely. Has anyone ever heard of a song called “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang”? Well,look-if not you need to jump over to Youtube and witness the spectacle of a loincloth/ bikini clad Ted Nugent wearing Uggs (of course I know theyre not real Uggs,duh.they werent IN back then,but it sounds funnier.he […]
The truth is she’s a mess. Once so well put together. Once was that happy girl that smiled twenty four- seven. The girl that had great friends and was nice to everyone. She was complete with joy. That girl faded. That girl doesn’t exist anymore. A gloomy depressed girl now exists. Battling for her life every day. Battling with life. She went from going out with friends to staying up all night crying. She shut down. No words spoken. But she woke up the next day and painted that smile on her face. Look in her eyes and you will see a world filled with […]
I want to end this
i want to suicide so bad
but apparently i cant
i just cant
Just because of
Christianity
They say you’ll go to hell
Thats just so stupid
why cant we end our life
its ours
The police puts u into a
mental hospital if they catch u
trying to attempt suicide
well maybe o shouldnt be afraid
this might be the last thing i write
so
im not scared anymore
so bye
i feel nothing i laugh and cry druing the day then i come to this were i feel nothing did the day meen anything i whant to cry and evrey tiem i get cloce to the tears i yern for thay stop i whant to feel the blood run down my arm agine i whant to feel sick as i look at it agine i whant her as i wrote that the tears have come i whant her llike it was i felt the change when she got bad it felt like a punch in the belly
i havent thought this in a long time because im […]
I fell in love at the wrong time. Sometimes, yes, id love a rewind. I say all the bad made me good. But now it’s just bad. And Im bad. I dont trust anyone anymore, im falling away from them on purpose. Too scared of myself to let others in. A feeling akin to a state of dreaming, but Im awake. I feel submerged under water, I like it because nothing can sink as far as I have. Solitude is heaven. Im trying to start anew but everything is too wound up to undo. All I’ve got to trust are my subconscious thoughts.
how meny roads must a man walk down befor you can call him a man
my favoret song i never understould it not really but its about the vam war
but i still conect with it evrey were i look i see death
im sorry but tonight iv got to go to bed all the guys iv messaged im sorry i just cant to meny bad memoreys have come back tonigh
Well,I guess we’ll soon find out if I’ll live or die through this…
I just made a suicide pact with myself.I’m going in vacation back to my homecountry of Romania and,if things don’t change for the better until the end of the summer,then that’s it.It will never change for the better.It’s now or never.
I’m not even hoping that things will get better,because I know that every time I put my hopes in something,it turns into a huge and painful disappointment.Sometimes I really want something very bad to happen so I have a ”reason” to kill myself,as if I don’t already have one…
Haha,anyway,if I do commit suicide […]
Can I convince myself that I’m fine? For a while I’ve been relatively ok. Not majorly depressed, and not happy….just existing.
My kitty had a seizure this evening, and my mother got bit real bad (cat is diabetic and her sugar dropped to practically nothing). I’ve had this cat since I was 3. So she’s 17 now. It was awful….I’m going to lose my buddy in a few months. I have no choice. But death is a part of life.
Tonight’s stress seems to have made me relapse. I don’t want to cut again, but I feel like I have to simply because I haven’t for almost […]
No one can know that im going down, not even my boyfriend. All i can think about lately.is killing myself. But I was on top of this tower and i had the oportunity to tip over the edge into oblivion but I dont know what stopped me. It wasnt the barriers, no, i couldve jumped over. It wasnt the many eyes watching as i leant over the edge and felt nothing but a sort of high, no, They wouldnt of mattered. It wasnt my so called best friend talking to the guy she ditched me for, she wouldnt of noticed. I was just scared. Scares […]
This is a serious question. Please be 100% honest, especially if you have bad news for me. I never had a girlfriend. After all the rejections and hurt I’ve gone through bec of women, I cant be objective about my looks anymore. I just hate myself.
I want to find out, if my shyness and sadness is the only reason, why I never had a relationship OR its also because i am just fuckin unattractive to women.
Could u find a guy like me in any way attractive? In my self-perception I couldnt 🙁
ps: i hope i figured out how to upload that picture ^^
As I read the stories about all the horrible things some of you have experienced, it makes me think about why those things have happened. It is NOT because you are ugly. It is NOT because you arent worth it. It is NOT because you aren’t kind, or smart, etc. There are people out there who are just bad people. They see your sadness as a vulnerability and take advantage of that to poison you with hatred. Do not let them win, do not let them turn your sadness into bitterness. Love always stands strongest in the end. This will be the last time that […]
Entry 3
Beer beer I’m drinking beer. I’m gonna get drunk and overcome my fear.
I couldn’t afford it but that’s okay I don’t need money where I’m going anyway. Only a gold coin to pay the man so he can ferry me far away from this land.
All the bad memories and actions past, I’ll make them end very fast. The daily stresses and endless fights will surely be over after tonight. I’m done and spent I’ll tell you that. I don’t have to worry this beer will make me fat.
Goodbye mum goodbye dad I’m so sorry that I was so bad. Goodbye lover who was only […]