I don’t know why I have to have depression. I don’t think it’s fair that I have to sit up every night crying about not being loved and cared for by people that truly mean so much to me. To be up all night wishing I was better. Nicer. Prettier. Skinnier. Smarter. Funnier. I don’t think it’s fair for me to want to die. I’m not perfect. I’ve messed up more times then I could ever remember. But was really so bad that now I have to live like this for the rest of my life? I’ve been trying everything to become happy. I want […]
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bad
Does anyone ever have the feeling that suicide is just a bad day away?
Sometimes it’ll hit at the weirdest moments, like I’ll be re-edging a knife and once it’s sharp enough to shave hair my mind will skip a beat and suddenly I’m imagining what it would be like to just slice open an artery with it. Not the wrists (too cliche, and I feel it would take too long…plus they can cut the bleeding off at the wrists if they find you in time), like the neck or under the armpit somewhere that’ll bleed quick and can’t be undone. It scares the hell out […]
So, I’ve never used a site like this… I don’t know if this post will even publish, knowing my luck it won’t and I’ll have got all anxious for nothing. Okay, maybe I should start with the suicide story?
I don’t know what has led to me becoming depressed (or, as my psychiatric nurse calls it “in low mood, because depressed is such a negative word”) I’ve never suffered any traumatic experiences and I didn’t have a bad childhood. I can’t even pin point the first time I ever felt so low. I can tell you though that each time I hit a low point, it […]
(I realise that all of them are bad in one way or another) but I want to know specific ones I should definitely avoid. I’m going to see a psychiatrist tomorrow and the nurse told me that because of my assessment results I will most likely be prescribed antidepressants, so I want to come in prepared. I would be very thankful if any of you could advice me on this; I don’t want to get side-effects that will make me feel worse than I already do.
I have my house and my garden,but i crumble knowing that i have been a cheater.i cant get over it,ooo its so dam bad.i have been smoking an drink for years,wy am i still here?
i have always like my life but i have cheated for many year
a frend of mine i used to work with,he treat me like shit but the others so well
i am living knowing that i have cheated.i try to be a good man.i treat my kids well.they are adults most of them
pleas can i go back to nature whit the birds and animals?
I tink i belong there
it is lovly
I was married for sixteen years. I have three sons. I have three degrees. I have also lost everything in this world that mattered to me. I can’t see or visit my sons because I can’t afford it. I am in constant pain with a bad neck and back. The most painful thing is that I lost the only woman I ever truly loved nearly 30 years ago. I lost the second woman I loved two years ago. Without love, what is a person? I keep dragging this reminder of the thin edge of life and death across my wrists every day or so. One […]
Been here many times talked back by Samaritans which is no use to me, I’m bad to the bone don’t need anyone to tell me I can be forgiven , if I can’t it don’t matter , disabled now after always working and have a body that Wong work so the man part of me is no use anymore my wife says she love me but you can see the desire and attractive ness has gone, the odd time things work she don’t wanna know, still at least this post should give you a good laugh I’m ridiculed all the time anyway , so all […]
I am a gambling addict, I have borrowed money, stolen from my parents, even embezzled from my work to fund my addiction.
I am 32 and a father of two young boys aged 3 & 9, I practically have no relationship with my wife, I guess we are still together only because of the kids…
The current situation is that all the chickens are going to come home to roost. My lenders are lining up outside my door every morning, I don’t think I can hide my embezzlement at work for too long.
I have three options,
1. Stick a gun up my mouth,
2. Run away start a new […]
I don’t know how to feel about myself right now. I have been doing so many wrong things, just so I don’t feel bad. Just so at the end I feel worse. Too many parties, to many guys… Not so much shots. I feel so lost.
I feel better than I did. I needed to get all that out. I’ve picked up drinking over the last several months. That helps a lot. I don’t want to destroy myself, just feel better. I have received some good news/bad news a few days ago. I can’t think of suicide right now. I have no other option but keep going despite what I’m feeling inside… I’m not sure that I can do this. I am positive that I will be back to this place again. I spent a really long time debating this decision…
When you know someone’s true colors and everyone else thinks their such an amazing person who can do no wrong.
No, but get on their bad side after investing your all and they’ll drop you like they never knew you.
Which of the three is causing you the most pain?
A. Past (lost loved one, regrets over mistakes, bad memories of traumatic experiences, etc)
B. Present (being bullied, can’t pay the bills, don’t like the way you look, physical pain or illness, etc)
C. Future (being stuck in a rotten marriage, dead end job, failing out of school, or just a general dreary view of what lies ahead, etc)
Mine is A. If I could just get a lobotomy and forget my past I’m sure I’d be all sunshine & giggles. Yeah.
As I walk through life I imagine it’s one big knife. At any second I can slip and watch my life end. I can imagine the pain I would cause if I went, but I can only blame myself. I try my hardest to get it out of my mind but there’s always that one thing that puts me on the edge. That one person who pushes things to far. That one person who makes the pain not look as bad. That’s why they say time heals all wounds but sometimes the cut is just too deep.
for years now i’ve been a zombie with one though on my mind
one cold endearing constant thought through the good times and the bad it remains lingering in my mind like the stale smell of smoke in the room around me.
everyday i wake up i wish that i hadn’t and when i go back to sleep i wish never to wake again
a useless ****** like me doesn’t deserve to live anyways i just wish it were easier to do
i know i can get help and i know that things can get better with effort but i also don’t care i dont want things to get […]
I’ve been fighting with this stupid depression for over a year. Now that I managed to feel better, with a lot of work and dedication, everybody around me is falling down. I got 3 friends who suddenly want to die. One of them is at the hospital right now, for it. This is weird. I don’t want to lose them. I’m probably the best person to understand them, and help, but I don’t really know how to. I don’t really know exactly what made ME feel better. Just pills, therapy and taking some risks.
This is a mad world. Really. I thought I wasn’t strong enough. […]
just wanted to say goodbye to all you ppl. it was nice while it lasted. lately theres been alot of trolling and impersonating. and before i start hating ppl who are pretending to be other ppl that were nothing but nice to me… im just gonna leave and not come back. its too bad that some ppl have to ruin things like a great chat ive been coming to for years and meeting great ppl in but i suppose it is the internet. but i can see this escalating and its just bullshit that i dont want to deal with right now. so bye […]
I was doin good for a little while or … Well it seemed so… I dont think I’ve ever been “doing good” i dont know. Does anyone ever just feel like they are living some kind of joke. Some kind of fake thing. Life to me is kinda wierd. I’m not in control of my own mind/habits/thoughts and that in itself scares the shit out of me. My parents really have gone the extra mile for me. They provide me. Safe haven while i try to regroup myself and im 28 so its embarressing as hell. They try their best to encourage me. Im a […]
When I was little I had 2 sisters, and one mom. The hardest thing about all of these things are that I could of helped them by maybe not even being born. It’s so hard to look at other kids, teenagers or something. I have a bad life because of all of the things that were exposed at the time. I blame my self that she went down because of me. We had literally nothing to do but lay down somewhere and keep warm or even cold. I want to see her so bad, It hurts a lot, I’m lost and confused. All I ask […]
All this fucking shit that has happened to me has played serious hell on my health. My work is extremely exhausting and I’ve been spilling more tears than I’ve been able to drink water. I’m about two metaphorical steps away from an actual emergency room visit. Some of you already understand how bad it is.
But the point is that the choice to recover is eminent! I can’t let myself sink so far off that it takes my life. I’m not done with it, there is still so much to do and see.
I’ve got 3 days off of work.. So I’m getting desperate for […]
This post isn’t about having a bad day…It’s quite the opposite, actually! I’ve noticed that SP has become quite a staple in my life. Aside from one thing that set me off today, I’ve had a marvelously wonderful day. This is actually the first time that I’ve been happy for an extended period of time in…well, a long long time. I am currently content. I’ve begun to find some motivation to do the things that I need to when previously my depression had kept me from doing them.
SP, I owe you. I am happy.