Title says it all.
I get so damn nervous sometimes when I’m around people
and even when I’m not, I’m constantly waiting and thinking about just being alone, just getting through the socializing, so I can have time to myself.
well right now I won’t have time to myself at all for a couple of days
and it’s freaking me out
im used to being alone and not having anyone to talk to….but im feeling really fucked up right now….nobody fucking cares and i dont think anyone ever will….maybe i should take his advice…”just keep on cutting. you worthless piece of shit.”
been a domestic servant today. clean this clean that. but i have a way to make chores a little bit more interesting. mother nature is big help. crank the tunes and ignore the whole outside world for a while. in psycho speak that means isolating. maybe, maybe not. i was focused on my task and was thankful i was alone. cleaning the bathroom is not always a pleasant job. but it was ok because i was flying and up the tunes some more. while i know being alone so much isn’t much good for me but i am short on alternatives. none need not to […]
Though no one that knows me will ever see this, I felt it necessary to write these last words. I don’t know why.
Tonight, it will end. Thirty-one years was too long to stay alive. My mother should have aborted me instead of abandoning me at the hospital. I wish I hadn’t thrown up the pills when I was ten. I wish the gun hadn’t misfired when I was fourteen. I wish I would’ve jumped off the bridge on my eighteenth birthday, instead of losing courage. I was told to hold on and be strong as a child. As a teenager, I was told my twenties […]
Sometimes I feel like killing myself. Other times I feel like my life is perfect and nothing can ever hurt me, but that’s usually just when I’m with my boyfriend. All I know is that no matter what I feel, I always feel like cutting. I guess you could call it an addiction, but it’s kinda just my way of life now. I can’t stop, and if I’m being honest with myself, I’m not sure if I even want to. It’s like breathing to me. If my thoughts begin to overtake my mind, I cut myself and everything gets okay again. I just want to […]
We can be lonely without being alone
Because we yearn for a comfort that
Can gives us the satisfaction that we need
We can be lonely without being alone
Because even though we are surrounded
By love and comfort; in the end it is not what we want
We can be lonely without being alone
Because friends will try to love us
But we only want a certain kind of love
We can be lonely without being alone
Because some love that people give us
Is not the love we want to receive
We can be lonely without being alone
Because sometimes we need one person
But that person […]
I came across this site a long time ago when I was going through a rough patch, and the url has always remained in the back of my mind. Those dark days were then pushed out by a new precence in my life – would you believe it, a girl. She gave me my strength back, and I became totally dependent on her, she made me happy, despite being unfaithful, unappreciative and generally all round nasty when she’d been drinking. I spent everything I earned in an attempt to make her happy, to the point that i’m now £5500 in debt.
She’s gone now, completely cut […]
So I sit here in a class
no one notices what I do
no one
I sit alone with no one by me
like I like to sit but how I hate to sit.
That empty feeling of being alone will always linger.
No matter what.
Even if I sit with my friend or my girlfriend.
I will feel alone.
It won’t go.
It’s madness that I can’t escape it.
I want to escape it more than anything but I can’t.
I just can’t hurt my girlfriend who is depressed on her own.
Every time I try to go she can’t take it.
I can’t stand hurting her.
I just don’t understand.
She would be better without me right?
I know it.
She’s […]
warning i am writing this out of lonliness, i am telling my story that may be traumatic and triggering to others and my journey so far. i am leaving out some strong details, but i will leave subtle hints to the other things i experienced which others will understand if they’ve experienced also.
Why is it? some people are just always last? always the scum to everyone else?
When you try so hard in your life and people say your doing great but you know your going no where inside, when you scream but no one hears you?
When you can’t get close to anyone anymore, when i […]
We are all upset,and maybe the reason behind it is we are alone.despite being there for people who didnt even deserved us,we stood by their back.and then like always we end up being alone,feeling betrayed and more then that frustrated.now days its more of a pattern a person is in your life maybe a friend,boyfriend but they all seem to leave after a certain point of extent.everytimg seems exciting n fulfilling in its start but it always has a bad end.this bad ending has made todays life a living hell….we all want infact need just one person who is true.it doesnt needs to be a […]
What can you say when life seems to just beat you down?
What can you say when it feels like you’re stuck with an unyielding frown?
What can you say when you body starts refusing to do what you ask?
What can you say when you mind gives you trouble with even a simple task?
What can you say when your family can’t seem to understand?
What can you say when things you took joy in now feels bland?
What can you say when you are no longer sure of what you can do?
What can you say when the thought of this will make […]
People can just really screw you over sometimes. Each and every person is capable of being disloyal, dishonest, fake, or cruel. so why take the risk? If there is any possible chance that someone will leave or lie or whatever, why go to them for help?
Youre all you’ve got in the world.
Theres nothing that scares me more than the word “alone”. Whenever I hear this, my heart speeds up a bit. I think that’s my biggest fear: being alone. But I am. I can’t trust anyone but myself. And I can’t even trust myself in some situations. It’s terrifying. I am unpredictable. And maybe that […]
I Â hate my life.
i hate myself.
i hate the feeling of being alone.
I hate that life is a beautiful lie and that death is a hideous truth.
i hate that I want to die
I hate the world I live in.
i hate that I want to love .
i hate me , myself, and I.
i hate that I love someone who doesn’t love me back.
i hate that I am the way I am.
i hate that I want to be happy.
i hate that I love to […]
I’m not living, I’m just surviving… =_=”
I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of feeling empty inside. I’m tired of feeling worthless. I’m tired of feeling stuck. I’m tired of feeling crazy. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of yelling. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of dreaming of a life I will never have. I’m tired of missing things. I’m tired of missing people. I’m tired of remembering. I’m tired of wishing I could start all over. I’m tired of not being able to just let go. I’m tired of faking it. I’m tired of being different. I’m tired […]
Adjusting to the lights dimming
Adjusting to the hurt
Adjusting to the hopelessness
Adjusting to the lies
Adjusting to the late night cries
Adjusting to the mental pain
Adjusting to the terrible images
Adjusting to the temptation
Adjusting to the suicidal feelings
Adjusting to the suicidal thoughts
Adjusting to being alone again
Adjusting to being hurt again
Adjusting to being lied to again
Adjusting to being left again
Adjusting to being ignored again
Adjusting to being not cared for again
Adjusting to being something that doesn’t matter again
Adjusting to being a nobody
Adjusting to being just a fake
Adjusting to being nothing but a lie
Adjusting […]
Hi.
I started writing down my feelings in  journal but I thought it would be nice to share with people finally.
I don’t know it all started but what I know is that I’m messed up. My family, my body, my mind, and my emotions. I’m not going to say I’m in this emotionless trance.
I still have friends but I hid my true feelings. It’s all starts with my family and how my mother is this fucked up parent. You can basically say I live by myself , but my dads the only one who supports me. He has to work all the time and my mom […]
I like being alone, I like when I have my own.
I can think enough to talk to myself,
But not enough to forget how I felt.
He still remains on my mind,
Like I can’t take him apart.
I like being alone, cause I can talk to him,
I can hear his voice on my head, telling a verse,
but somehow I forget,
How to make him go away.
27/01/14
9:23 pm
I cried when I read this. This poem means so much to me, because even though we are under the same sky, you are so far from me. I know the time will come when you are next to me, but until then…My Angel, My Sweet…I will miss you with every ounce of my being.
My Angel, My Sweet
My Angel, My Sweet,
How I long for us once again to meet.
How I long to run my fingers though your hair
and to smell your suculent perfume in the air.
Oh how I long to feel your face,
and to sense your gentle presence all over […]
I feel numb.
I feel so sad.
I need time, and I need life.
I hate being alone, but I’m always on my own.
Loneliness has become part of me, it’s always near,
I’m afraid of it, but I let myself embrace in it,
I want this to go, It really fucks me up.
When I used to be a little girl I was really sad, because I was always alone. My parents didn’t want to spent time with me. They didn’t talk to me, they didn’t teach me anything. They used to beat me, shout on me and insult me. My aunt did the same thing. All my schoolmates hated me and didn’t want to play with me. They were laughing at me and they liked to call me names. It was really embarrassing and because of that I begin to hate people. I just don’t know what does it mean to be important to someone […]
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