Thanks for taking the time to read my first post & comment so kindly. It’s not surprising that many of us are in agreement on the subject of making the conscious decision to put an end to what is for most of us the unending hell of constant emotional pain. (As I’ve tried to explain to mental health “professionals”, it’s like being trapped in a room engulfed in flame, and the only escape is to jump to your death.)
In my over 30 years of experience in […]
I love you truly do deep down I just try my best not to feel it anymore. I know that we messed up equally that neither of us is solely to blame for this disaster. But I feel like I could have been better, tried harder, supported you more. I didn’t mind hurting myself or loosing myself but loosing you the idea of hurting you it kills me. Because I can accept failure in any other aspect of life just not with you. So to be honest I’m not ok, I’m not happy, I lied about everything that I’ve said. I do want you still, […]
This is my first. I just have to get it out. All the reasons I hate myself. They make you believe that the happy pills will make it all better. I’ve been on them for three months, and here I am. Still depressed, still alone, still misunderstood. The main reason I hate myself is because I’m addicted to porn. All you people who are gonna say it’s natural shut the hell up and look somewhere else. I don’t care if it’s natural. I don’t care if the freaking pope did it. He’s not me. Do you know what it’s like to be called disgusting by […]
How many folks believe in heaven here?
Why was I the sperm that won?
Maybe if it were not me they would be happy
Maybe then, they would care
Maybe then, they would be able to love each other
Maybe them I am the reason
Maybe im the reason my mum and dad fight
I am not what everyone expect
I am not there little angel
I am a devil indisguise
I am the reason you cry
I do not like rules
I do not like structure
I like being me
However, you do not see
You love to control
You want me to do well
You do not understand I want to be me
You love to know what I do
However, If I told you wouldn’t believe
You do […]
Usually, I start out my posts in metaphors and similies because that is how my brain works. That is how I think…constantly making connections and drawing lines. This time, I am going to just full out rant and rave because I’m finished.
I’ve screamed for help. I’ve got to counselors and I’ve gone to friends. I get shut out every time. No one believes me when I say that I am so anxious, scared, and depressed that I would find any way to make it stop. Last night, I sliced my arm open ready to let red run. Unfortunately, I didn’t die. My cut let out […]
if you believe planet earth is not spherical it is flat like a table then you are true
if you believe all Indian mythical gods created this planet it is also true
if you believe you are depressed that is also true
Each group of individuals has some believes and those are true
if you believe life is beautiful and worth giving a shot you are true
if you believe life is a ***** and planet earth is no more place of good people that also true
question is what is real fact?
if all people know the fact that ” human life is pointless and they all living as if they […]
So here I am again, missing you. I can’t believe it’s almost been a year. I still haven’t gone through all our stuff, it hurts. You would have loved the place where I’m at now, its a little house on a 100 acre farm with a creek for fishin and train tracks and a whole lot of birds! Life is still hard, really hard, especially on my own. I’m looking for a second job so I can keep it, mama is losing her house so there is nowhere else for me to go now. I needed you baby, even […]
it’s one the walls on the laptop. So fucking careless. she bropke up with m~!e. I qouldnt believe it museself. She told ME , q. wll have a future. dvrtything wikk be ok. she told me. well haver kids one day. blahblahb.ah. SHE TOLD ME. everything qill be ok. she told me. all these fucked up LIEA. now imbleeding . dying. I wont make it tonit.e I hope. maybe shel;o see. I fucking hate her. she fucked ,e again. what thte fuc,. oh the fuc,. so much fucking blood. cutting again in a bot five. qill not stop till im dead. fuk everyone ./ I […]
“Life is what happens while you’re busy trying to fix RSI.” (repetitive strain injury) [this is actually paraphrased]
Now substitute “RSI” with whatever you haven’t been able to fix or change, regardless of who is at fault or to blame. It could be paralysis or disease or heartbreak, or even chronically reduced self-esteem, due to an abusive childhood, or even just “bullying.” It could even be that you simply realized that humanity seems to embrace and prioritize the most absurd things and notions, and even decides to mandate injustice and tyranny into “law.”
To simplify:
“Life is what happens while we’re busy trying to fix what went wrong […]
1. a guy sentenced to spent eternity pushing a rock up a mountain. only to have it roll back down to bottom
2. that guy had no meaning
3. Humans who don’t believe in god, heaven, hell all they have is struggle because in the end they are condemned to lose.
hence
Humans who believe in god are cowards and foolish.
Humans who don’t believe in god are deadly dumb to live because human life is like Sisyphus.
Just like my username says, there’s no hope for me. Nobody likes me not even my family, no friends, never had a relationship, afraid to go out in public, I’m a freak. Physically speaking I’m a freak. What’s the point of life if no one will ever love you because you’re a freak. They all condescend me at work, I can’ t go back to college cause I can’t handle the anxiety, there’s nothing there for me. I don’t know where to turn, I feel like I’m at the top floor of a burning building and the only two choices I have are jump now […]
.. But I want to get this off my chest. I need to.
I came across this website an hour ago, I figured I could possibly post my thoughts here, because it’s just a forum right? No quick replies, no need to put up a front; because I’m fake. I want to be real, I want people to know the truth about me. All my life I put up a front. I act like an apathetic asshole.. But that’s not who I am and it’s just this bad habit. It’s this wall I have, because I’m afraid. Every time I tear down this wall I get […]
I started cutting a year ago in March when it happened. I was having a sleepover with my two friends Kiaya and Amanda. We all slept in my bed which was big enough to fit all of us. I was in the middle. I woke up in the middle of the night to whispers from Kiaya. She was talking from the perspective of a guy towards me in a seductive way. I didn’t do anything about it because I wasn’t sure what was happening. That’s when she leaned in and kissed me when my eyes were closed. She stole my first kiss, but that was […]
I’ve never imagined I could be as devastated as I am now. I don’t believe in god but as my life progresses it is hard to believe that this amount of bad luck is random.Â
I’m not going to talk about the years of abuse I endured in my childhood or the fact that my mom died when I was four. I won’t go on about my dad’s alcoholism, and after this sentence I won’t mention the blister acne that adorned my face from 12-21. I won’t dwell on the murder of my best friend in high school or my family’s lack of funds. No, those […]
Spent far too long thinking about it, it must be time soon; I used to believe drowning was the way, I used to live by the sea; there were a couple of navigation buoys out across the bay with flashing red lights on them which were out of sync but would flash in unison occasionally, I spent a long time at night sitting on the pier watching them wishing I had the courage to jump into the cold inviting water and die. I’m not there now, in the city instead, suppose there’s the Thames but somehow it’s not the same, there’d be a crowd watching […]
I want to believe in someone, I want to believe in something, I want to believe that I can love again.
This is my depression story. The following is a shortened version of my journals. I was 13 years old when I wrote them.
Journal 2013
On march 2, 2013 I decided to “get better” I don’t know hep else to put it xD
on March 3rd, 2013 I told my mum about the (kinda) cutting but not the suicidal thoughts
4th of March: “I am not happy nor sad right now, I feel almost detached from everything” “I am happy for Nicole (she was my best friend in 7-8th grade) but it feels like everyone is moving on while I’m left behind…I feel invisible, a […]
Well ive been here almost a month. I found this sight to realy help me.
But yea here is my full introduction.
Hi my name is julien nicholas vetter. Im a 15 year old boy I live in south africa. Johannesburg, Â guateng. im a musician and play almost all instruments.
I cut myself very often. I am a honors in math, science, home economic, Â and creative writing (poetry).
And ive found no reason any more to continue.
Ive attempted suicid many times. And I ran away from home many more times.
Im sick of life. I often think life made as a si k joke when it got bored. And said […]
Simply put, I think it’s all crap. Not the things, good and bad, that have happened in my life thus far. Heavens no, that won’t do at all. What’s crap is that people sincerely believe that I should be “happy” that I’m alive. I was given a life (that I never asked for, by the way), and I now it’s apparently mandatory for me to be thankful for that fact. I’m not here to blame my parents for being arrogant pricks and assuming that the child they created would be happy with this “gift of life” that he never asked to receive. Blaming others for […]
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