Anorexia nervosa has been romanticised to look like a fragile butterfly encrusted with pretty white diamonds and pearls.
It is better to be sick than healthy.
About a month ago I OD’d on heroin and wound up in the hospital. Ever since I’ve been getting what I think are panic attacks, where I feel like I can’t breathe and that I’m about to suffocate. Even in A&E the psychologist didn’t take me seriously but I am seriously messed up… I’ve been waiting 2 months to see a psychiatrist after stating I was suicidal because she cancels the appointments but I can’t sleep for days, I have auditory hallucinations (hear people say things about me when they’re not), extreme paranoia and I’m afraid to leave the house. If that ***** has the […]
Well,I guess we’ll soon find out if I’ll live or die through this…
I just made a suicide pact with myself.I’m going in vacation back to my homecountry of Romania and,if things don’t change for the better until the end of the summer,then that’s it.It will never change for the better.It’s now or never.
I’m not even hoping that things will get better,because I know that every time I put my hopes in something,it turns into a huge and painful disappointment.Sometimes I really want something very bad to happen so I have a ”reason” to kill myself,as if I don’t already have one…
Haha,anyway,if I do commit suicide […]
im always sad i dont know why, i have people that care but nothing makes me feel better
I can’t stop thinking about it. For hours now… It’s on my mind. I just want to be away from it all. I feel like I can’t do this. I don’t know what to do any more. I’m trying to make it through one day at a time. I can’t shake this thought. I’ve thought it all the way through. I am debating almost every day now. I know better, but I am so close. I have reached out for help and tried to help myself in every way that I can. Nothing is working. I really fell worse. Like I’m digging myself a hole.
It’s been almost 7 years dealing with the same routine. Dealing with these thoughts, emotions, and temptations. I’m just so tired.
And the thing that brought be to the edge, once again, is completely ridiculous!
My father and sister think I’m gay. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to bash on those who are homosexual or bisexual, but I know that I’m heterosexual.
It’s just that recently I’ve been staring at girls for a while. Not with romantic purpose, but instead I’ve been constantly comparing myself to every single girl I see. I see all of them and they are all much prettier than I am, […]
Everything just seems to be going wrong. I don’t know who I am and am not even really sure who I want to be. I guess you could just say that’s my age I’m 19 going on 20. So that’s reasonable. I feel down. I feel like no one understands me . I feel like am becoming distant from those I love. I can’t enjoy life. It sucks right know. It really has since I turned 12 and just got progressively worse. I feel better about myself personally as time has gone on. Its just I feel inexperienced and less mature in the ways of […]
I can’t trust anyone, not even myself. This feeling unsettles me and my world is built on quicksand.
I couldn’t even stay home by myself earlier because I know there is danger in the silence. My brain explores every unsavory character flaw I possess. I hate being this way. I can’t help but tongue the wounds and look for new ones.
I don’t want to die. At least I don’t think I do. Maybe I’m wrong. Sometimes I know I need to though. Lately there’s a lot of knowing. Like right now. I stare at my daughter and I know she deserves better than […]
My girlfriend and I of over two years are going off to college this fall. She thought she was going to the same school as me until just a few weeks ago she decided to change for the better if her education. She going to a different state. We truly are in love and aren’t one of those bullshit high school relationships. I’m gonna miss her so much and she’s all il ever think about the entire time. Now I don’t even want to go to college. I just want to be with her. Any advice?
I have really mixed emotions about coming back to sp.
I battled with depression, suicide, cutting and general shit in my life and I have come close to death many times. I believed that life was never going to get better, that I was going to die a lonely virgin loser and bring shame and hurt to my family. I have stood atop the highest building in my college and peered over the edge and stood there for many painful hours. I have cut deep, and popped pills. I was badly beaten as a child periodically and mentally tortured. I came here and wrote angry posts […]
I don’t particularly like to sleep. Slept 7 hours last night, better than most nights. Guess I’m happy about that but my body is achey and tired and i want to stay in bed forever. Getting out of bed is the hardest thing in the world lately. just a few weeks of not getting up on time, not starting my day. My therapist tells me to be proud of myself for getting to work at all. I want to be, I do.
I don’t know what I want. Life doesn’t really seem to have a point. The last few years I’ve been operating on the idea […]
“I love you with all of my heart and soul”
“We are always going to be together forever”
“You are my soul mate, my one and only, my true love”
“I never want to be without you, I can’t even imagine my life without you”
“I want to make you proud of me”
“I want to do what’s right”
“Please don’t leave me, I’m trying..really I am”
“You’ve always been my better half”
“Sometimes things are just meant to be”
“You always know what to say”
“I’m sorry I’m so closed off”
“You make me so happy, I don’t have words to explain”
“I need […]
If I was born into a noble family in the 1500’s, I would be happy. I could be a pawn to the king and get killed in battle, at least it would be lawful and acceptable. I’d be a marauder of death, wielding two claymore because shields mean you want to see tomorrow.
If I was born to a caveman 15,000 B.C.E, I would be happy. My mind would be at ease, the only thoughts it could produce would be for survival. I’d likely die before 20 due to some malicious disease, and that’s fine by me.
If I was born in 1997,May 15th, then I would […]
why? i dont get it anymore why am i still here when no one needs or wants me i feel so unloved from family and even my own boyfriend we just argue all the time and now that i am put into another foster home i just cant do this shit anymore i feel so pathtic doing this shit again when i told myself i wouldnt fall this hard but sadly i did and thats whats the hardest to belive that in my darkest deepest hole that i can feel this shit and still am carrying on with this life. i really just need to […]
Most days I am so horribly bored. Do I ever need a bloody job! Not that jobs in general are a lot of fun, but anything’s gotta be better than sitting on my a** all day. Or going into town, killing time, no one to see, escaping into the internet on my smartphone, just ‘out’ for the sake of being out and because I cannot stand being cooped up on my own anymore.
I should not be contemplating suicide out of boredom! This is not a good reason (and is actually not mine). Work is a necessary evil in this world, it’s just the way it […]
I feel better than I did. I needed to get all that out. I’ve picked up drinking over the last several months. That helps a lot. I don’t want to destroy myself, just feel better. I have received some good news/bad news a few days ago. I can’t think of suicide right now. I have no other option but keep going despite what I’m feeling inside… I’m not sure that I can do this. I am positive that I will be back to this place again. I spent a really long time debating this decision…
Then I’m either gone, or I’ve gotten better and no longer use the site. I usually change this posts publish date so I haven’t been on for about a week, if you see this. I just want to thank all of you, for helping. And a special shout out to Shepard, keep on keeping on, soldier. I really do mean it when I say thank you. You’ve saved me from doing some really stupid things. And thanks for listening to me constantly complain about Alexis. Hope your leg gets better. Give them hell.
im just stuck, stuck with my feelings, stuck with my own fear of killing myself, im too scared to do anything about it yet i cant put a foot foward to better my life, im just stuck… and i cant do nothing about it… here is a little drawing i did that express my state of mind
”Life is sad. But it’s always beautiful”.
I bet you all can find some beauty in sadness, even beauty in a depressive lifestyle, don’t you? Being against all the world and it’s shallow and dull and futile happiness. Being unique. That’s what sadness is about… The reality is sad, and we see the reality as it really is – unlike the shallow happy people, whom live into an ilusion. But be cautious, my friends my brothers…
”Be careful with the sadness – it’s addictive.”
That’s from Gustave Flaubert. I’m sure there is a lot of addicts here. I was one too. I used ”real” drugs. I loved cocaine. […]
It’s been what about a month?
I’m not going to say it’s been too long.
Because it hasn’t.
And that may hurt some of you, but I’m not sorry.
Because I’m starting to get better.
Suicidal thoughts do not cloud my mind anymore.
Thoughts of no one caring are not there.
I know some people care.
And I know some people don’t.
I have accepted that.
For those who don’t care I toss them away.
My friend once said to get rid of the toxic people.
So I do.
But sometimes it doesn’t go as well as planned.
Sometimes my friends get mad at me.