My tests say that I show extreme Alexithymia traits. Is that actually a thing? I don’t know. I don’t care about/for anyone. I just don’t give a fuck. I’m an awful person to even begin with. If you showed me a video of a child getting sawed, I’d stand stock-still. But if you showed me a video of an animal being abused, I’d flinch at a stroke. I don’t fucking understand myself. I hate humans. You could come to me crying, and I’d ask you to just fuck it and nothing more. I can’t help you with your emotional needs ‘cause I don’t relate. […]
Tag:
Bipolar Disorder
(Maybe it was because you hadn’t
mastered Geometry)
–
The lad was going blank.
It was ten in the morning.
–
His heart was growing full
of broken wings and rag flowers.
–
He noticed there remained
just one word on his lips.
–
And when he took off his gloves
a soft ash fell from his hands.
–
A tower showed through the balcony door.
He felt he was balcony and tower.
–
No doubt he saw how the clock,
stopped in its […]
It is difficult for people to understand the mind and behavior of those affected by true
Bipolar Depression Disorder. Identifying, accepting and treating it in a child, that must
be extremely challenging.
If life isn’t worth living, it definitely isn’t worth dying for either.
With all due respect, if you believe there is no point in living, make it your goal to finding
that purpose. That may be what you need to pull you through long enough to prove you
wrong… or prove you right. But at least you will have tried harder than most.
YOU’RE NOT A FAILURE FOR NEEDING HELP OR FEELING HOW YOU FEEL.
I haven’t always felt the way I do now. At one point, the only thing that crossed my mind was happiness; but that was long ago. In the last few years, I’ve suffered from bipolar depression and severe anxiety. There are things that bother me now, which in the past, they never would have. Every day I wake up and I realize that the only feeling I truly identify with is sadness: pure sadness. I’ve told the people I know that I have thoughts of killing myself every single day of my life, but I feel like no one actually listens to what I’m saying. […]
Behaviors: depression; no motivation; unable to be stimulated; hypomania; anxiety; inability to focus.
I’m in a healthy state of mind approximately >1% of the month.
Current medications and past treatments: Geodon, Seroquel, Klonopin, Adderall, Trintellix; received TMS
Myers-Briggs: INTJ
I’m rapid cycling. If I’m not depressed I find myself to be either slightly hypomanic or fully hypomanic. I phase through having motivation and not having motivation; in either case because of the recurring depression or hypomania I’m unable to pursue stimulating and impassioned ideas or activities that I know from the core of my being would make me a happy and mentally healthy person.
My teenage and young-adult life were filled with passions […]
Hi, this is my first time posting. I am up late at night because I am having trouble sleeping. The night before last I attempted to hang myself but it failed. It was more of a test run then a full blown attempt. Not finding success, in the morning, I bought charcoal and a grill to try that method. I assembled the grill, placed it in my car and that is as far as I got. In the end, I am not ready to kill myself, but all the pain and regrets of my past feel like they are killing me slowly and painfully.
I am […]
This is my first time posting on this site. I have been sitting here all day reading different posts from people and debated on whether I was going to post or not. Well, here I am. I will try not to bore you.
I have battled with depression since before I was a teenager. However, up till about two years ago I never thought about taking my own life. Now, that’s all I can think about.
My life has not always been easy. I was raped as a child by my uncle. My dad left when I was very young. When I was a teenager, I got […]
Ive been struggling, struggling so much. Having no one to turn to is becoming a routine. Im almost accustomed to it really. I don’t even expect people to text/call me anymore. I don’t expect anything from anyone, and i never will honestly. Once you make a few mistakes, you’re labeled at “attention seeking”, crazy, bipolar, depressed. Ive only been home for a few months now, I was locked up for eight months, going through hell and then some. I guess you can say things fell apart completely after my sister committed suicide almost five years ago. I guess the problem was I was so young, […]
I think I will start posting everyday that my depression acts up.
Ive been depressed since I was 3 years old on and off. It’s really quite odd though to think of a depressed three year old. Lately I’ve been getting worse though. I thought I had been cured of my depression for a while because I hadn’t felt it there. I think the reason I’m feeling depressed is because I stopped taking my antidepressants for a few days…. I know, not a smart choice.
Im gonna see my therapist at one o’clock today.
I haven’t seriously thought of suicide. I’ve cut myself quite badly though. The wounds […]
I am really nervous about sharing my story as I dont want to say anything that will bother or upset anyone 🙁 but i will try my best to express myself in a way in which no one will be upset by.
I was born in Venezuela and i moved to the united states when i was 3, iam 17 and almost 18 now. (forgive me for not mentioning where in the USA i live)
I am really grateful to this country because it has given me great opportunity where as in Venezuela I would most likely not amount to much (not that i will ever amount […]
Hello loves. Here i am, doing my math homework, listening to some classical cello/piano combo, and I had a thought. I don’t know how many of you suffer from a Bipolar Disorder… but sometimes it gets so damn hard. One minute, you are a crazy party girl, the next minute, a raving *****, the next minute, a girl full of light and love, and the next minute, someone who is only a reach away from picking up a gun and blowing her brains out. When I change moods, it is so hard to find who I truly am… I don’t even know who that is […]
I have Bipolar Disorder (#2), Social Anxiety and General Anxiety. Everyday my life would be ‘I shouldn’t go out somebody might talk to me.’ to ‘Yay! I’m so happy, let’s go out and celebrate!’ Although my happiness only last about five minutes.
I got depressed at a young age and had no clue what was happening, so it made me feel crazy because no one else acted like that at my age. I would usually cry myself to sleep, wondering if I would ever be normal again. When I grew up I finally figured out what was happening and got help.
That worked for awhile but soon it became worse. I […]
I’m sorry this is so long. It’s my first post. But, it’s a juicy story filled with a lot of pain. I promise.
I’m not sure where to even begin. 10/11 years ago, or the recent events? What I do know is…it doesn’t matter if I kill myself of not. The beautiful star filled sky will still appear each night. The warm glowing sun will continue to rise every morning. The seasons will still slowly change and flow into each other in a never ending rhythm. Beyond me, everyone else’s life will still continue on. So, why not? My father always says, “Suicide is the most […]
Has any completed or started doing ECT? (Electroconvulsive Therapy )
I’m pretty much giving up on the “normal” forms of treatment. I know 15 different meds and 15 different psychiatrists might not seem like a lot to some people on here but I feel I have already suffered enough as a result of those treatment options.
At this point if I do go back to “normal” treatments I have a list of antidepressants I cannot take based off of genetic testing and I will absolutely refuse to take a mood stabilizer again because if I do take one I’ll probably be dead withing 2 weeks […]
My (shortend) story: Self-Mutilation, Anorexia, Bipolar Disorder, Major Anxiety, and more
written by Thesomebodytoknow2
I don’t know what the f**k I did to deserve this, I just made one mistake. It all started in 4th grade. I was the very quiet one, a lot of stuff was going around in my mind. I told this one person I was bisexual, I mean, after all she did ask. The next thing I knew, everyone asked me “is it true? Is it true?” I didn’t know what they meant. They explained, the secret was out. For the next 3 years, it was harassment, verbal abuse, physical violence, you. FUCKING. NAME. IT. My life was $#lT. I was a mess. I got […]
I’m pretty sure I suffer of bipolar disorder and borderline disorder (I also think I got sexual hypoactive disorder but I don’t believe that’s a problem) because I got nearly all the symptoms for both of them:
-I’m extremely unstable,sometimes I easily get so angered that I feel a very strong urge to kill the person(s) that annoyed me (and I really tried twice),but also sometimes I feel so depressed or happy that I couldn’t get angry at all;
-I really wanna take drugs and I strongly doubt anyone will stop me;
-I got chronic feelings of emptiness pretty often;
-I harm myself many times (especially punch myself),generally because […]
After 9 years of thinking about suicide every day (first time I ever thought about it I was about 9, I’m now 22) I finally decided to let everyone know. In October I texted my mother & husband about it. My husband’s response was an atypical caring one, “just hold on” “you’re strong” “you can make it.” “we’ll survive together” etc. You know the garbage anyone spews at someone who comes forward professing their suicidal thoughts. My mother however took the atypical rude approach, “so many people have it so much worse” “you have no idea what it’s really like to struggle” “you’re life has […]
All my life, since i was 6, my father mentally and physically abused me. It never really hit me till 2 years ago. I went in deep depression and i just shut down. I attempted to commit suicide twice, but i never really could do it. I guess i was scared to leave, or maybe i just didn’t have the guts. So i turned to cutting. This year has been the worst for me. Everyone that has said they were going to stay, left. So i have just shut everyone out. I don’t have many friends because i shut them up before they have a […]
Hello my name is Maddie and I’m 13. I bet some of you are probably thinking ” what would a 13 year old know about being depressed ” well i know alot. It started when i was 5. When i was 5 my mom died in a car accident. I don’t really remember her and it sucks :(. When i was 8 my dad put me up for adoption so i would have a better life. Since i was 8 i’ve been getting bullied because i’m either too fat or too ugly or too short. People just have so much fun judging me. So from […]
i cry
and scream
whenever i come crashing down
from my high.
it’s the disorder-
the disease-
that pushes me
taunts me
backs me up into a corner
until one day
i’ll crash down
so hard
i’ll end up a corpse
because that’s exactly what my mind wants.
it’s fucking sick,
i hate the mocking
and the teetering off the edge
and i don’t know
if i’ll ever be able to reach that day
where i can give a big fuck you
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