The warm spring air calms my mind as my feet hit the sparkling cement of the now wet main street bridge. The hood of my black jacket hides my face as I make my way to the top. Its 2a.m. and the city is dead silent. My phone buzzes continuously in my back pocket, but I ignore it. My mind wonders as I stare down at the black waters beneath me. Who will miss me when I’m gone? Who will think of me? I check my […]
Really suicidal tonight. I’m so sick of life, of hurting, of empty fuckin promises. Tired of loosing people i love. Its like there’s a black hole where my heart is supposed to be, nno matter what i do i feel nothing but emptiness and pain. though this is only my second, I’m thinking this will be my last post.
goodnight
I need the edge of insanity, to know I’m not crazy.
I want to share the darkest parts of me, be heard and understood.
I crave my death, but will fight for last breaths.
Inside I’m dead, I died when you left.
I can only see my beauty, inside empty hearts.
I need to suffer for my pleasure, I want to suffer for my art.
Are you the one to take me there? Come play loves darkest game.
Mark me with dark bruises, in time they’ll fade away.
Watch me through your windows, while im […]
I need to get some medicine drink a little and just pass the fuck out black out the world and escape I haven’t been able to sleep in awhile and I haven’t done this in ages I think it’s the best thing to do at the moment I need to escape leave my thoughts. Any suggestions?
So I’ve been alone for a long time, practically all my life. And this recent suicidal phase I’ve gone thru hasn’t helped that at all. Scarred myself up good I did. Even slicing my arm open on a hacksaw by accident one day. I’ve grown a loving for the color black and everything about. In color theory, it’s either the presence of every color or the absence. I like to think every color is present.
But anyway, I’ve made plans and I’ve screwed it into my head that I’m probably going to end up dying alone in my old age. And I think I’m prepared for […]
Look, Fuck you
Fuck the plane you flew in on
Fuck them shoes
Fuck those socks with the belt on it
Fuck yo gay ass fairy ****** accent
Fuck them cheap ass cigars
Fuck yo yuk-mouth teeth
Fuck yo hair piece
Fuck yo chocolate
Fuck Guy Ritchie
Fuck Prince William
Fuck the Queen
This is America
My president is black and my Lambo is blue, nigga
Now get the fuck out my hotel room
And if I see you in the street I’m slappin’ the shit out of you
Mostly blue and sometimes red a nebula with green nerves that won’t stop moving walking through three feet of snow because the stone wall is so important then its just a fallen tree and the birds won’t sing and the coyote has died and the deer aren’t sure what to do my hands are warm I keep looking in the water but it is so black so infinite and I’m so small I could never touch every stalk in the field it’s so gold and pretty and then my heart changes colors every pulse and we think rivers of blood are red but they are […]
I guess the only thing holding me back is the curious fear I have of whats next. Is there a heaven like all our grandparents say? Or is there just black nothing? Will I linger and watch the aftermath, because that just might be worse. To watch all the ones I love suffer…. but at the same time living is a burden to them. I don’t know….what do you guys think happens when we are set free?
It’s hard for me to put into words the way I feel. I call it my black cloud. The feeling of loneliness overwhelms me every day… I’m almost more comfortable this way. Its scary to admit that this “black cloud” is actually depression… It takes more of me every single day. I guess my question is when will it end? When will it completely consume me?
Is a black needle that fills your veins with numb nothingness
There’s smoke in the sky. Lots of it. Thick, black smothering clouds of death.
It wasn’t there before but now I can see it, and it’s descending, covering the house.
I’d tell someone, yell for help but no one would believe me.
It’s going to get in the house, I know it.
It’s going to choke me.
It’s wonderful to be a little pawn in the chess game called divorce. I’m being fought over by both sides. I can only keep my sanity when I’m living with my dad. I’m an emotional crutch for my mother, a dress-up doll for my grandmother.
My dad is trying to make the divorce as smooth as can be. Basically, my mother’s side has to also be happy. And they want me. So he must surrender me in the process. I’m screwed. I have no fucking choice in the matter. I have to watch my four year old brother while doing online school work, wasting away in […]
Who needs suicide when the pain can rot away your insides for you?
He he, I’m going to die sooner or later. We all do! Whether it be 80 years from now, or the next time I take the plunge over the quarry’s edge. It’s all fluff.
I rolled up the night on a spool of black silk and never will I return again. He he, J has a carrot in her mouth. My dad’s carrot. My dad’s truck is in her driveway. My mother’s institutionalized.
No more refills without a doctor’s appointment. Ha. But there’s no one to tell that to. Going to be interesting in the […]
I always play out something in my head like for example, if I imagine myself going to my room to put curtains up I imagine seeing a face in the window… But I never see them just imagine them and it’s always the same monster just different at times.. It’s always a white face or mask with black hole for eyes or just souless pitch black eyes or something on the stair case… Someone touching my feet when I’m a sleep or when laying in bed i imagine seeing a shadow crawling around on the floor.. I get sculed at for leaving the lights on […]
Remember when he gave you that black eye?
And I broke his arm?
Where do we stand?
Why won’t you even tell me to fuck off?
Why won’t you say anything?
“You have broken my heart more times then the fingers on my hand can count. Yet I still carry you. You, a master whose eye have strayed for a moment on a servant such as I. All the beautiful women fought for your affection, an affection that was cast upon me. My scarred body no longer produced deep angry red cuts. You had run the demons away. Alas I am a lowly servant not nearly as beautiful as they who are your equal. Now I lay here with fresh scars without so much as a glance from you. I no longer hold your heart and […]
I’m not sure of anything. I don’t feel anything anymore. I really just want to disappear. I don’t want to die I just don’t want to live either. My life is just nothing and has no worth. Yet, I still don’t want to die completely. I don’t want it all to just go black but I also just don’t want this life to continue this way.
It’s hard to put into words how I feel so bear with me.
I feel nothing. I never feel anything anymore. When anything happens I feel numb. Numb to the pain, sadness, joy, and fun. I don’t know if I can […]
As I begin to lay down for another sleepless night, I ponder at the thought of just dying. Of taking my own way out because the anxiety and depression have overwhelmed me and once again beat my ragged body to nothing. My legs now quiver and my heart beat echoes through the night. Yet, I’m confused of what I’m afraid of in the moment. The lifeless black surrounding me in the box I struggle to rest in, gives little comfort. So I’ll pull my ragged body off the ground, grab my razor, and put my mind to sleep.
Headphones are on — check, looking down and not ahead — check, dark clothing that hides your inner soul — check.
Removed from the past, neglecting the present, dreading the future – I’m moving, moving swiftly enough as to avoid everyone and everything. The Volume in my headphones are high enough to block the pollution of the outside world; my vision is fixed diagonally, avoiding eye contact and collision; the black jeans, Navy-blue t-shirt and black raincoat combine to render me invincible, in a city of dark clouds and buildings that block-out the sun. I’m moving swiftly, swiftly at twice the speed of any city- human. […]
History reapeats as the darkness comes flooding back into my life. I bleed black, for the monster is me. Symbiotic with a world slowly dying, I am everything and nothing. Money makes the man, but nothing gold can stay.
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