Today is my birthday.im twenty two.twenty two and unmedicated and suicidal.but heres the thing i dont know if I’ll ever complete suicide.i tell myself i will and i even get as close to swallowing pills or standing on a bridge.but the thing is i seek help or i wait to long and help arrives.on wendsday i want to kill myself but my mind jumps ahead to overdosing and seeking. Help right. After.i believe a lot of this is fear based and this is a cry for help.i just don’t know how. To ask for it ecspecially seeing as the only help the er will offer […]
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cant
it all started when i was 11 my dad passed away, after living a rich life my family lost all there money and we lived in poverty.
my mother has bipolar and after my dad passed away she spent all of the money on things we did not need.
I fell in love with a girl at age 15 and her parents hated my guts because my family is not rich and they are, because i loved the girl so much i tried my best to become a young successful entreprenuar so i opened up a little cell phone shop to prove to her parents that i […]
i dont know why im so weak… why cant i just go already???… i hate being here… if i go to a psychiatrist theyd prescribe me medicine… i could die from OD but thats not the way i want to go… i hate living… im done with feeling like this all the time… im sick of just sitting here thinking about suicide… i need to hurry up and do it… maybe then for once in my life i can be truly happy…
back again. and again. and again. why won’t it stop?? i wish it would stop coming back. that feeling of worthlessness and hopelessness. the utter lack of happiness. it never leaves, just goes to sleep for awhile. almost 3 years now. but now its back and im scared and alone and i cant get out of this hole. i dont want to be here anymore. please just make it stop. i want out. but i’m trapped in this fucking circle and i cant get away from it. sadness. depression. anger. death. the only things i can count on to never leave
the past few years have been shitty for me. my best friend committed suicide july 30 2013 with a shotgun to the head in his bedroom. i was with him the night before and i feel that i couldve done something. as time passes i feel more and more compelled to do it myself. my life is a waste, i cant get further ahead in my career because the college education i have isnt enough which is the result of the economy and unfortunately i cannot make more than minimum wage. thats just the way it is. no one can get benefits anymore, and i […]
iam a 27 year old male…at the age of 21 my mother (who had divorced my father when i was 9) eloped with a man i had never met and left me with no where to go…i ended up roomating with a guy that was a drug addict and had a mental problem..i became greatly depressed as i was already suffering from social anxiety..and fell into heavy drinking..i would drink almost everyday…and i couldnt stop..this went on for years until i had a nervous break down at the age of 26 and i was put on to anti psychotic medications which i take every night…(alot […]
Wished i could get off the bed right now, but i cant, why? Because i just cant. Its so warm and cozzy here. Wanna join me?
No i cant, i am too busy planning my demise.
Ok no problem, hey! Will you join us at Bob’s place today?
No i cant, cant you see, i just want to kill myself, i just want to jump off a bridge or stick a big fat knife right above my navel, can you help me?
Hell no, what do you want to go about jumping off bridges and sticking knife in you navel for?
I am depressed
you re depressed, i […]
All my life ive been there for others helping to keep them positive and moving onwards and upwards.
Ive come to a point where i cant even do this for myself. My relationship came to an end on my birthday a few days back and it was my own fault as much as im hurting n dispairing of my actions im breaking apart more and more each day knowing how much ive hurt him n thats the worst part. He wants nothing more to do with me and wants me to NEVER contact him again. I see no way out of the hole i have gotten […]
hello, my name is fading star… obviously not my real name but lets just call me this for now. ever since i could remember all i have wanted to do is help people…. right so while my entire life I’ve helped people I’ve never really looked after myself, helped myself. I’m 16 years old and feel like my life is no where. I’m not the complaining type but i’m falling apart with everything bursting inside me unable to handle by myself.
when i was a child i lived in poverty now most people live in poverty right?? well when i was a child my family did […]
onds never heel the time of year that things happun kill me i cant take it
i did it… i cut so much i cant see the top of my right arm… yay? do i get a achevment now will it pop up on my screen “you fucked your arm up and your high on blood loss g fucking g”im at the point now were im floting im going to flote down the stears vire the windo now see you guys in a and e or the morg prefably the later though its only a seciond story but its worth a shot
life is an abstract concept to me…
its like a dance that you cant really understand the concept of the movment seems destorted its like when you first read a script back or a story that you’ve just wrote you know it will make sense when youve ironed out the funny littel bits that arnt sapost to be there but its not like that i cant get rid of the littel bits im reading my life and non of it makes any senes it looks like a blood splat on a wall its got no struchure to it its just a mess some one said to me once in basic befor […]
the pasts haunts me, even more than my future haunts me. it hurts to remember how happy hopeful, and loved i felt. before i felt different and faced my depression. the bipolar. my failures my health problems. the judgement of others. it hurts, to know my future. i dont know. im trying to live. but if i cant do this last job, im so outta here. i would be better as a memory than what ive become. i am so upset i dont have an appetite. i wont put a new post here or awhile, unless i get fired from this job. then its one […]
i am a type 1 diabetic who has scoliosis of the spine. I am actually allergic to insulin and it is extremely painful to take also i have my back condition which causes me severe pain. I am 16 years old but i have suicidal thoughts everyday i have attempted to commit suicide numerous times but stopped at the last minute the only thing that stops me is the pain i feel in that moment. I self harm alot as it stops the thoughts for just a second, i break my bones now.I used to abuse my diabetes as its the easiest way to cause […]
i cant believe my life is turning out this way. i gotta stop it. for the love of all that is good is there ANYTHING i can do to help my family? if not….i may just have to pack it in, cause there wont be any more reason to live.
i cant help but feel that no matter what i do what pills i take who i talk to it, its never gonna be good enough. suicidal thoughts will not go away, the only thing that makes them dissapear for a minute is self harm, i hope other people understand but nobody i know gets it.
ive become my father (just a rant, not anything serious, feel free to skip) ;)
by paingoaway
written by paingoaway
Despite my best efforts, i think ive become my father. when i look at my son, i get torn up inside because he will feel the same way about me that i do my father. i love him, but he is homeless, and will likely stay that way. he has mental illness, though he will never admit it. I have mental illness and health issues. im black, and i kinda wish i wasnt. i cant bare to see my family witness me become homeless too. im trying not be, to find and hold down a job, just like my father is trying to get a […]
6 frends dead and gone ash and rot and blood jumping swinging bleeding out my hands coverd in blood dieing loseing razor cut were i cant scrach the itch i had there names in my skin and now there gone in the wind like there last breth the world forgot them quickly i never will but there names are lost forever the faces are in the front of my mind i love them all i love them all
So im a little afraid of dying which ive told myself is normal so im okay with that.What i cant figure out is why unlike other times i dont feel sad but i do feel suicidal.It bugs me cause i dont feel much of anything when it comes to emotions other than that fear of not knowing whats after this.Im still going through with it but it would be easier if i was feeling some depression along with it or some anger.Maybe i am empty inside i just dont know.My sisters leaving and i may hurt others if i dont stop my life.Im doing it […]
i dont know how to start this off but i dont know anymore, it feels like my life is falling apart and i cant do anything about it, even though its only summer, im happy about school because im gonna really try super hard this time, in grade 9 i passed most of my classes with 51s
fuck
and i didnt even pass math in summer school but thats not whats making me feel bad, its about the fact that i have no friends anymore and we used to be really close and im sure all of my internet friends hate me too
they shut me out, do you […]