Its not as if I am suspicious for no reason. Much as I wish I were delusional and my paranoid thoughts had no base in fact, previous incidents and repeated behaviors are pretty hard to ignore. Words are powerful but only when your actions match them. And then there are facts that back up my theories that cant be denied and you refuse to explain. I think what I neex to move on is closure and for you to take some responsibility. But if you havent been able to be truthful in the last 2 years its like waiting for a liar to tell the […]
Tag:
Closure
I decided on Nov 18, 2012, that I did not have 1 single happy day (or half day, or real significant moment of relief) that I would wait 365 days and if things had not improved (i.e., the happy moment), that I was done here, my work completed, and that I would just check out.
I have a great job, a nice family and all that “people strive” for – in fact, I feel selfish writing this post because I know full well that I am not hard done by…. but I lost the one. Not only did I lose her, but I made it happen, […]
i came to SP for closure, for understanding and to see other peoples hell and see what they are going through, but i have realised. people with depression should not congregate to one site. it just seems to be making the depression worse. with so many peoples opinions being viewed it makes you realise things you didn’t want to ever think about, it makes you even sadder and lonely. i myself am normally a fan of brutal honesty, i even invite it. but this site, i just don’t know if it is doing good? or making it worse?
My story began about 6 months back. I had quit my job at HP and was preparing for some competitive exams. One day I noticed a text from my old friend. She used to be so nice to me in college and I did her a lot of favors. She was a noob with computers so I helped her out a lot in those days. Â This was back when we were in college and well, that was about 2 years ago. Â All this time, I had only thought of her as a friend but seeing her text after all those days. created a sort of […]
It can always be worse, I mean I could not have legs or something. But the idea of outward problems that can easily be identified seems so much Better than what I suffer with. It’s those little inward things, that eat you out slowly, dying on the inside, dominated by things that shouldn’t own me. I’ve attempted suicide, I’ve drank too much took too many pills. I’ve hurt myself just to feel something, and speaking from experience it doesn’t work. Whatever’s on the other side has to be better than what’s going on for me over here. I can honestly say that I don’t have […]
One day at a time  that’s my new motto I dont think ahead or back and just put on blinders. Im still trying to get everything figured out in my life and still really haven’t expressed my thoughts to anyone. It kills me literally to keep these thoughts inside but If I tell someone itll just make everything worse. I dont know why im so fascinated with suicide and it pops up even when im having a fun time. I feel stuck and that somehow I still havent gained full closure over my accident or my life.
My greatest fear when thinking about taking my own life is the family I have with me and that care for me. I’m so lucky to have both my parents together still, and that would do anything for me. I also have a sister, brother in law, and two nieces whom all of I adore. I’m 24 years old and I feel like I’ve never experienced a normal life. I’m gay,and I also have other problems that make me self conscious of my appearance so I hate being in public or any places with many people, so I cant go to gay bars or any […]
It seems almost childish to be posting something here – from my perspective anyway. I’ve always associated some sort of guilt with sharing. Â I’ve never been great at articulating my feelings well, and I’ve never found much comfort in expressing them, regardless. I’m not exactly sure what I’m even searching for by registering here. Closure? Comfort in confiding in countless, faceless others? Furthermore, I’m not even certain that, after posting this, I’ll even bother to return and read the comments – again, I’m uncertain as to my feelings regarding this. Fear, perhaps? Or maybe it seems unnecessary, as my only goal was, ultimately, expressing this […]
So, I’m not entirely sure what I hope to gain from this, maybe closure? I don’t know. Not even sure how this would give me closure, or what I need it for…
If I had to describe a depressed person, I doubt I would use me. Someone with a job, caring family, good friends, hobbies. Hell even my dog is great. Yet there is just all the small things. My job is lacking, and kinda crappy. My family… for lack of a better phrase, doesn’t understand me. My friends are funny, good to be around, but I wouldn’t say that any bonds are really there. It […]
On 09-22-10 my girlfriend off and on for 3  years had passed away  now I fequently cry my self  to sleep wondering why her. Why not me but everyone tels me god ha a different plan for her. I guess I can’t change how much I miss her and love her
.does anyone know how to get rid of some of these fellings so maybe I’ll stop blaming myself  and find some closure
Hello all,
I have the urge to declare my sanity and justify my actions. I doubt that anyone will be convinced that this was the right decision. They are all too caught up in what they believe is sane or what they believe is “good” or “happy”. I believe it is my right to decide what I do with my life. It is my goddam decision! We all preach to the rest of the world about “freedom”. Well, how “free” are we really if society can’t accept someone’s decision to end their life? The word suicide is shunned and scorned. A person who commits such a […]
I don’t understand why some ex’s gives you closure and some do not. Why is that?
by sleepxdeath
written by sleepxdeath
Like with my ex boyfriend, I broke up with him a few years ago, from a 2 year long distance relationship and we decided to stay as friends. When I moved back to the same area I realized that he would always ignore me when I really wanted to at least see him… but I realized, after a few months, it was already too late. Nothing, no more hopes and no more dreams. And worse of all his parents told me to just move on. His friends, whom used to be mine, they just told me to move on as well.
Not him though. He just […]
But, sometimes her memory can get to me. Like her artwork hanging up in one of our similar classes, or seeing her eat quietly to herself during lunch hour. Brings up the painful memories of our happy times together. And this makes me lonesome sometimes. I am happy don’t get me wrong, but I just feel that hole that she created in me when I think about it. My story often reminds me of the song “Yesterday” by my most favorite band The Beatles. And sometimes when I listen to it, the memories of it all come flooding back to me.
I’ve shared my story before […]
I just can’t deal anymore. Everyone says to “hold on” and “be strong”. But they do not walk in my shoes. They do not feel the pain I feel. They were not physically and emotionally abused in their childhood. They didn’t see their boyfriend of 6 years find a new girlfriend and the two of them crack jokes about me on Facebook, saying that I am lunch meat while the new girlfriend is steak….yet the ex-boyfriend calls and tells me the same week he not over me and wants to be friends and I am a great person. How can I be a great person if […]
I wore it every day. He gave it to me and said as long as I wore it, we’ll be together. Even if we aren’t. He was the greatest thing in my life. We were in love. That’s the first and only time in my life that I recall ever being happy. And it was ripped away when we fought. We fought about a scar. And he ripped out my heart through a text. We got back together, though. And we were happy again. Until I went across the country for a week to visit my brother. He found someone else. They’re happy. I still […]