I am praying that I don’t wake up in the morning. I usually do this each night before I go to bed now. I don’t yet have the courage to end things myself but I keep thinking each day I will get braver. I know why I want to end my life would seem rediculas to many. silly.. but the pain my heart and mind are in is unbearable to me. I do not want to hear it will get better. that I will heal that there is other options or that someone out there cares. or will love me. I can not even begin […]
I used to be suicidal too. But since 2 months ago, I have undergone a transition in my life. I am alive now. And I am really glad to share my experience to all of you who are in darkness right now.
This post is written with the sole hope to help you all, even just a bit.
Let me tell you what I did to live.
I write diary entries. Stupid, foolish entries. I wrote things which make me happy everyday. And some really useless stuffs also. “Today I drank coffee.” “Today I laughed.” “Today I am healthy.” “Today I played my favourite game.” ..etc. Trust me… […]
A week of coincidences. Those unhappy bitches just never let up. Every time I take a step aside, there they emerge, out of nowhere. Every time I do particular things, either intentionally or unintentionally, no matter what the outcome is. Much like someone trying to tell me:  Stick to the same route, or you know you’ll regret it. It STILL has me wondering, who is behind the wheel of my life? I only know it ain’t me.
I’ve been sleeping badly this past week. I don’t even know if I’ve been sleeping at all. It could be that drinking 10 cups of coffee in a day until […]
It all hit me. I was at coffee with my friend, and all of the sudden it all hit me – the depression, the urge to kill myself, for all of this to end.
I have no purpose, I see no tomorrow, I see no future. I just want to die, so fucking badly.
I’m living but I don’t feel like I am. I just want to fucking die! Why can’t I? Why can’t some car hit me and I’d die? Why can’t something happen and my life would end? I have no purpose. I feel like a puppet doing stuff only because I am told I […]
So, here it goes: I’m a failure. I didn’t pass one freaking exam this semester.
Consequence: I get my money cut off. So now I won’t have money for cigarettes, coffee, an occasional night out – pretty much all the little things that were keeping me alive.
I can’t kill myself yet. My mom is not strong enough to be able to take it yet. So that will have to wait for a little bit – no matter how much I wish I could do it now.
Solution: Get a Job. So I’m leaving in a little bit to try and go get job at the casino – […]
grrrr gonna brush my teeth and play some cod
8:01am
still haven’t slept and slowly coming around
drinking coffee thinking about a post i deleted
2:33am
12/29/12
there’s so many reasons why i’m alone :'<
here i sit without clean clothes, drinking coffee and without a soul in the world to care for me. I hate life and I have nothing to do with it anymore, but im unable to end it right away. here shortly in a week or so I’ll attempt to fix my mistakes however it’s going to be very hard to carry on as i will feel like i failed at following through with suicide itself. beating suicide isn’t an achievement once you’ve sworn up and down to yourself you will do it regardless of what happens for the better. my ultimate hope is that i […]
I woke up this morning and couldn’t believe this is life. That this is the life I have to live. I can’t believe it although it’s there as real as it could be.
I think about the possibility of being somewhere else. In a different body. Different place. Maybe a little house near the sea. Maybe with someone I care about. But this is just a thought for a Sunday morning. I am aware that it could never happen and I honestly don’t want any of that. It’s just something to cover up the reality.
Actually it would be enough if I could just take a shower, […]
Im wondering if anyone here is from Tucson,AZ like me….. and if they like coffee and talking about how to heal the sadness…. I just don’t think my current friends get it
So a few years ago, my first year in college, I tried to kill myself. I was in a bad place. I was living in a new city, had always been terrible at meeting people, and was under a lot of pressure to do well academically so I could keep my scholarship. Needless to say I survived, but I lost my scholarship, dropped out, and moved back home to live with my parents.
I was angry and depressed a lot. I got in fights with my family. My parents didn’t really get what had happened. After all, its not like I was physically abused or any […]
…about life, the universe and everything, send me a mail at
anon46 [.at.] lavabit [.dot.] com
I’ve got various instant messaging accounts, but I prefer plain old e-mail or google talk.
If you happen to live nearby (although that is highly unlikely), I’d even go out with you for a coffee…
Here’s to the days,
When you have to make your coffee extra strong,
Smoke an entire pack of cigarettes,
Burn twice as much weed.
But in the end. I’m still alive.
Still Alive….
Please. Please no. Don’t do this. i know it feels like no one cares & like no one notices or helps or listens or any of that, but trust me they do.
My Uncle, killed himself 2 years ago. He hung himself on the back porch. He lived with my Grandparents. Imagine that. Waking up one beautiful morning, setting out to have your coffee on the deck, and seeing your son, or someone you love to death, dead. He had attempted it before, but was never able to actually do it.
He had a daughter that was 3. He had friends and family that loved […]
Things going better and worst at the same time… I solved some of my problems, but some of them seems won’t change for a long time… My brother lost all control and using psychological violence against me. Its so hard to handle. I do everything for the familly.. But he keeps saying i am nothing, stupid *****, dirty, dumb idiot and so on.. He even keep saying that when my friends hear.
So sad.. Once, he was an idol for me. Now, i want to delete him from my life totally. Good that mother is dead and […]
I really don’t where else to write my shit so I’ll write it here.. fuck I just spent the last 10 minutes looking through facebook and my friends’ profiles and shit.. with their proper nice social lives! well my story is I was on medication for 7 years then I came off it.. been 6 months.. in that time my social life kinda collapsed (not entirely somehow coming off meds ups ur hormones.. so u know that department was all good 😉 not to brag really but yeah it was good shit..)
but anyways.. when ur all spaced out.. and weird.. it’s a lot harder to […]
Past a few weeks after crash with me and my Love. I divorced with him, he didn’t with me. Really insane situation. He still needs time and time after time making some short conversation, but as a real Black Scorpio i am living my life without him and not hoping anything.
Before this boyfriend i had a very very very very very big symphaty. He is so great: very funny, smart, working as a reanimatologist, so beautiful, but… usualy he’s just bastard – telling everything what he thinks and talking very dirty things. Last summer we’ve been dating, but he never kissed me as french or […]
Let’s say you’re feeling like life is completely hopeless, and you just want to end it all. Some well-meaning person drops you off at the psych ward where you’re greeted with more pills, more doctors, and depressingly weak coffee (I’ve been there). There’s nothing terribly interesting to do, so you get bored. Maybe your new medications have terrible side effects. Maybe you get frustrated about being treated like a crazy person and you tell yourself, ‘I have sunk to a new low; I’m screwed’. You notice how odd it is that a facility designed to treat severely depressed people is so depressing.
Occasionally the doctors ask […]
Im thinking of killing myself my girlfreind hates me she says im always narkey and moodey she has told me its over and i need to move out i have two children im just worried about them when i do it i would rather be dead than a part time dad . ive tried to make an effort for her and ive stopped drinking coffee and im not as moodey as i was im doing more round the house its been 4 weeks now and she still hates me she speaks to strangers better than me has anyone got any idears how i can kill […]