Ive still got pending comments from hours ago
Thank you for your lovely comments about my posts. Here’s a bunch of my favourite Spring flowers just for you (but others are also welcome to appreciate them!)
Today I feel lonely and depressed. I woke up and I don’t even know why I’m still here. I overthink about what happened and I can’t help but cry. I still miss that stupid asshole and my baby so much. I’m crying while typing this post. I feel that it’s all my fault. That thought haunts me. Plus, I don’t have friends IRL and therefore no one to talk to. My family doesn’t help me. If anything, they make me feel worse about myself. My mom won’t let me go out or do anything to alleviate the pain I’m feeling or at least distract myself […]
If you want to be notified of comments, scroll right to the bottom of the post to where it says “Leave a Reply”. Underneath that you will find where it says Subscribe to comments, with a dropdown box. Notifications will be via the email address you have linked to your SP account, so just be aware in case there’s anyone else who has access to that email address that you don’t want to know.
If you read my “Axe Murderer” post earlier, you know I wrote some new music recently. Here it is.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Triggering.mp3
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Way different from the other two compositions I posted awhile back.
During one of my comments today, I described it like this:
It’s a bit darker and more chaotic than the kind of music I usually write.
It starts out like a dark smooth Gregorian Chant, and ends up sorta like an axe murderer is just realizing there are all sorts of pointy objects around.
It’s called “Triggering” because last week some issues triggered an especially dark pit of depression.
Awhile back, maybe too long back, I was receiving very supportive comments from someone by the username Noctis. They don’t have any posts on their profile, so I don’t know if they’ve posted comments recently or not. Has anyone seen this person/username around lately?
I’d like to hope they’re still around, but I’d also like to know if they’re not. If you know anything, please let me know.
Thank you.
And Noctis, if you’re out there, I hope you’re doing well, friend. I miss you.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/testing-waters-mp3.mp3
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Thank you to everyone who took some time to comment on my post last night. I was in a dark rotten place. (As you can see if you read through the comments.) I’m still there, to be honest, but at least I’m still able to write about it.
Here’s the music I mentioned. (Headphones recommended so the bass can come through better).
I wrote it in just a few hours, to distract myself from not being able to get online. For me, when I’m stuck here in bed at home, not being able to get online is a big deal, because it sort […]
I’m not even sure how to start. I pulled up from work crying. (And that was before I read Nidda’s post i started really bawling then) Im just defeated in this moment. I will be fired soon because of the urealistic productivity standards. Im listening to an audiobook called the Confidence Gap. Its main focus is that you cant control what thoughts pop in your head but how long they stay. Also it is irrelevant how true a thought is but how helpful one is. […]
Guess I’m going to “beat this dead horse” a bit more, sorry AgentQ.
Short sequence of events from approximately late o’clock last night/this morning:
– Put on some chill and somewhat sad music and decided to check SP (I like to be thematically appropriate, what can I say).
– Noticed that “twix this rainbow” had been blowing up the forum, post after post. Wondered what was up.
– Realized what was up.
– Read the posts from the beginning, tears occasionally springing up here and there.
– Thought and wondered for a bit, considering the possibility that the person whose words I had just read had died or at least had […]
I’ve just spent 30 minutes trying to post a comment. I kept getting logged out every time I attempted to post and then my password was not accepted so I had a new password sent to my email and logged in again. Still could not post a comment so I rebooted my PC and logged in again and attempted to post again over and over and then got a pop up message saying I was posting too many comments too quickly. I can not see any of my comments in the normal view or the pending section. So I’ll post my comment to the Prozac […]
That i don’t actually need. But im useless. I’ll never have a meaningful experience with a woman. Why? Part anxiety. Part social ineptitude, mostly consistent negative reinforcement. I am simply not attractive enough. When i did approach women i had to consistently risk and have panic attacks for the opportunity to put a lot of effort into someone who didnt give a quarter of a squirt of piss about me. Id get lied to or disparangingly “accepted” Occasionally id get a one off pity lay. The fuck could possibly the point. I’ve been working out for about a month and trying to diet. The fuck […]
I apologize about what I said before in a fit of passion. My emotional detachment wasn’t at its best that day. I realize my error in taking several minutes to compose posts/comments without checking the updates of other posts/comments. Although to be honest, I don’t know why I write most of the stuff I do. It’s not like I’m going to enlighten some government official about how backwards some of the U.S. policies are or get some member to develop a crush on me. Heh, I guess I’m nothing more than a heretic disgusted by their country and species… I feel like laughing.
Thanks to everyone here for listening to me opening up and encouraging me throughout my stay at S.P.! You have helped make my time in this world less miserable. Taking one last look through your kind comments on my posts so far… Why can’t everyone be like you guys?
Anyway… As the title says… This may be ”it”…
Wrote the letter, got the ”equipment” ready and all that other shit, heheh… Now I’m just waiting to get the motivation to do it, which will most likely come tomorrow when I’ll yet again be reminded how big of a failure I am. Whelp… Here goes nothing…
By the way, […]
I really don’t know where to start. I guess I’ll start by saying I’m transgender…and please no comments about your thoughts on transgenderism.
I’ve been through so much in my life and have so much to be thankful for, but lately I have this deeply engrained feeling like I’ll always be alone and nobody will ever understand me. Some days it’s just all too much and I’ve been desperate for relief.
I guess I’m here because I don’t feel like I have anyone I can tell this to without them wanting to admit me to some psych ward
I cannot believe how much my life has changed in 6 months. I loved life, had amazing friends, family, educational and social life. I have always had quite a hard family life where I have had to help care for members of the family doing this daily made me think I was a good person.
My life is so different now. A video of me has went viral. I was drunk and have absolutely no idea wat the content is but EVERYWHERE I go I get laughed at, made fun of and have comments shouted at me. I have left my job because the abuse I […]
Before I start this, I know it will be all over the place so it will most likely make no sense. But I want to keep a document of what happens with the new voices and Angels.
The new voices are getting worse. They’re louder, and Jeremy isn’t back. Now there’s only four of them at any given time. There’s one set of four that are awful. I hate them. One is a constant intake of breath that is considerably louder than the others. Another comments on what I’m doing, but in a way which is mockingly. The last two are too quiet to be comprehendible, […]
I’ve tried to post comments on a couple of posts today, but none are showing!! Anyone else having problems or is it just me?
Tho…if you are also having issues posting comments, then you wouldn’t be able to post a comment for me to read… O_o’
This just started happening today. Was able to post no problems whatsoever even up until last night.
Sometimes I think about posts or comments I write and really hope I’m not hurtful to anyone.. But I also wonder too if some of my comments are even relevant. after read I wrote.
As you have comments off I decided to make this post. You have been part of SP for such a long time (with more names than I can keep track of lol). Yet I don’t see you say much about you. Usually you are giving good advice or leaving posts on other subjects like football. So your latest post has me worried. Want to talk? Here or email. Sometimes we find ideas or hope in the oddest places.
It’s my username at hot mail c om