Let me start this off by saying that I don’t have a bad life. I have two loving parents. I have a brother, a sister, and a sister in law who all love me. I also have a niece and many aunts, uncles, and cousins who love me. Yet, I still feel alone. I feel like nothing I do matters. I feel like I’m drowning in the ocean and every once in a while I catch some air, only to be forcibly dragged back down into the current.
I am not a horrible looking person but I refuse to live the “social norm†that people […]
Tag:
Confidence
Take another step dear,
take another breath dear,
bow to your fans dear,
and poof, you disappear dear.
Take another shot hun,
Drink until your numb, hun.
It’s all a buncha fun,
Bam, shouts the gun!
Buy a bikini, dear
and make it pretty, dear.
wear waterproof makeup dear,
cause you wanna look good, dear.
now jump in the water hun,
let it take away the pain, hun
and Done done done, hun,
you’re done.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I havn’t written a poem or song for a while. I guess because things have been okay since since last monday, I started going downhill again, I have a […]
Like the title says, this is just a rant about my trials and tribulations. I don’t really know if posting my story will be of any use to anyone but I just couldn’t leave this world without anyone knowing about it. I guess someone should know, even if they don’t really know me. But in all honesty I don’t know if anybody really knows the real me. I wear a mask and pretend to be “normal”. So nobody really knows. They’ll probably never find out either because this page doesn’t link to me in any way. But I figured somebody should know my story and […]
That’s all I had planned to say here. But maybe I should say something else. My room smells like overwhelming dog piss, because my fucking dog has not absorbed three years of potty training. I think we should put him down.
I’ve been thinking a lot about school shootings lately. Did anyone here about the one in Ohio? TJ Lane? Anyway, it fascinates me. If I could get a hold of the guns, ammo, and confidence, I would do it. I know who I’d take out, and why. Fuck you, for telling everyone that lie about me having sex with that scum. Fuck you, for telling […]
These emotions,,, or lack of them, they are just as bad as physical pain. This boredom is horrible, adderalls doing the opposite of what it should be and i dont know why: i have no desire to do yoga, make cookies. talk to anybody or ill feel agitated and extremely anxious and robotic like(not fun) i am unable to genuinely laugh or smile or even sing without.
I want to feel joy for one, sweet lasting feelings of wellbeing, confidence, desire. 🙁
Sometimes I just sit in class and wish so many things. I hate going to school. I wish there was no such thing. I wish I was born when school seemed so much easier. I wish I had a tree that grew money. I wish my hair would stop falling and thinning. I wish I was skinny. I wish I was pretty. I wish I wasn’t dumb. I wish I had nothing to regret. I wish I had all my pets. I wish all the worthless and horrible people would die. I wish I had a walk-in closet filled with clothes. I wish I had […]
I know its there, ive felt it before. I must find it. I didnt know i could feel so good and alive. It comes so naturally to most other people. But for me o have tp get it from alcohol or abuse of my perscription drugs. The feeling of clearance, contentment, knowing what i want. Actually joy, insane cobfidence in myself. I know what ive been missing all my life. Its so frusterating to thonk that ove been deprived of it all my life while others ignorantly take it for granted.
Why cant i have these goos feelings of confidence and joy regularly?
I am desperate […]
On TV or in books the protagonist is always described as “ordinary girl”, someone that just looks like no one special but turns out to be very special to just the right boy… People always want to stand out, be that little bit extra pretty, extra smart and just special. I just realised from the very beginning that I had no shot at being special in a good, charming way and extra pretty never kicked in either. I lost the “cute” when I turned about 12 and it just never came back. Instead I just grew tall, and big and insecure. I faked confidence well […]
I was in a large city on a sunny day. It was warm, but there was a cool breeze. I was walking through the park with someone I loved and saw a flower. It was beautiful and I said, “Wait here.” I went to pick it for her and as I pulled up the flower the ground beneath me shattered like glass. I fell into a pit. The pit was obsidian lined with black diamond. It was round and polished so that I could see the surface in the reflections on the walls. I saw the people I cared about shake their heads and walk […]
I never quite know how to start these things, before I explain I have to say that I feel awful about the way I feel when there are people going through worse. I can’t control my feelings of upset and depression and I don’t quite know where they have come from and how they’ve escalated to me feeling so suicidal, I have a family, a few friends and a boyfriend, for the past 2 years I have struggled with agoraphobia and people not understanding saying I’m being over the top etc. I have no support from anywhere and I feel like I’m going through all […]
“Love like my butterfly, unconditional. Open arms welcome all in pain, worn, used. Welcome… This is home. This is love. Have a seat and pour out your soul. This lioness will listen. A butterfly in her heart and a wolf in her mind, loving without question and protecting with her life. Fall into my arms, I will wipe your tears and hold you close. Trust me and I will protect you.”
I have fallen so many times in the past year. It’s been really hard for me since my mom left. But this site, the people here, have pulled me through. Thank you all so much. […]
hello i posted here before once and got some good advice…but im feeling like ending my life more then ever. Everything ive worked on to become more optimistic and happy just seemed like a waste of time its gotten to the point where  ”smiling”  has become a chore. Ive tried to work on my family relationships to be happier and to be more social for them but they constantly remind me how pathetic i am i mean my gran would open the door to people and openly say ”this is my pathetic excuse of a grandson i couldnt be more ashamed to be his grandmother” and  my mother constantly reminding me how […]
How do I write a letter to a teacher without sounding like I am suicidal (which I am). How do I tell her about my life in one page so that she can get to know me? Why is god shitting on my life!?!? I have no idea what to do this time. I have no idea waht to do most of the time. I need someone but teachers don’t have the best track record. Because verytime I tell a teacher something in confidence it somehow gets back to my mother! Why am I even writing this? I am just falling apart, my life is […]
I have a hard time talking about this stuff but i just dont know anymore about anything one second I’m happy and ok and most of the time i just dont know what to think its weird, i dont know what to think anymore I go to the gym to help my confidence and it seems the harder i go the harder i am on my self , I feel i made the wrong decisions in life im not getting anywhere with life i feel like im at a stand still, i hate every choice i have made noone knows i feel This way and […]
I can’t help it. I just can’t stand it anymore. I’m so alone… There’s no one for me. No one to care, no one to help, no one to even just see.
My friends have been ignoring me, and I don’t know why. I know I’ve snapped a few times, but they have too. And now, one of them, one of the two who mean the most to me, hates me–at the very least. I want to say is was because he wouldn’t communicate with me. I feel like he’s blaming me for everything that happened, and I hate it. I get blamed for enough […]
I’ve read so many of the stories on here, and I feel that I should write mine, too. Although it isn’t as bad as others, it got me where I am.
Two years ago, my friend confessed to cutting herself. I was devastated, and all I wanted was to be there for her. I didn’t want her to do it anymore, I wanted her to be okay. So I stayed up late for her, and I was her personal therapist for a while. This was when i was 12 years old.
My mum fell pregnant and I cried for the whole weekend. I was already neglected and […]
Come here, Please hold my hand, lord now help me, I’m scared please show me how to fight this, God has a master plan and I guess, I am in his demand….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
The assessment went well. Apart from the fact that she wanted to drug me up. I have another appointment on the 4th october. All I heard her say was ‘Hopefully the anti-depressants will make the voice go away’.
Lol.
I didn’t have the heart to explain why I don’t want daniel to leave, So I just sat there and blanked out everything else she had to say. And I went for smart, But as I stood up she gave me a wierd look. :I Thanks. I needed that confidence boost.
Got my exam results as well! I passes everything, Some only just. But got an A in product […]
I thought I had beaten the bad thoughts, but apparently not. They’re back. Again… They’re back, they’re stronger than ever and I’m too tired to face them. I really wish people could know how many times I’ve fought this off…. How many times all I could think of was not waking up again. How many times I’ve drafted the same letter, trying to find the right words to explain to the people I love why I had to leave them. And each time, I get closer… The letter is now 11 pages long. It is placed in the right place to be found by the […]
Okay, well this is my story..
I’m quite young and I’m broken. I’m depressed and suicidal, clearly.. and i selfharm. I put on the fakest smile every single day. I’m miserable, I just want to be dead, to be free, to be happy. I have tried to take my own life many times, I don’t really have a massive story. But my depression has taken over me, my self eestem is horrible, I can’t leave the house without crying, I’m horribly fat and aswell so ugly. I hate leaving the house because I usually don’t have the nicest clothes because i’m not rich, my family struggles […]
I hit a new low last night. There is one person who, without fail, makes me happy – even if said happiness is fleeting. However, last night, I was so close to cancelling our catch-up because I just didn’t feel like catching up.
We did catch up, and I’m glad we did … in a way.
What it has gone and done is confirmed that I’ve pretty much invested 18 years of my life in the wrong person. Not helpful.
I also feel under siege at work. My depression has got to a point where it has noticeably affected my work, and my boss’s boss had to have […]