iv had a lot of thing happen to me in my life but the one thing that iv learned is that the people and things that are closest to you are the things that can hurt you
the most.
just recently i left my dad (im 16 by the way), my parents are divorced and every since iv felt like an empty shell, not because they are divorced but because they
are such different people.
all i want is to be normal, to get good exam results and go to a good college and get a good job, but i cant, i cant because i […]
Tag:
Confusion
There’s too much in my head. I have too many thoughts too many opinions. I just want it all to go away. I can barely tell my dreams from reality anymore so I stopped sleeping. I’ve attempted suicide 3 times. I’ve passed out during two of them and later woke to survive it. When I was out I just remembered feeling nothing. It was peaceful and quiet. The only reason I feel I haven’t succeeded is because I would hate to leave any sort of burden on someone. I want to go, I want to leave it all behind but if my passing causes someone else to […]
I don’t want to die, at least I don’t think I do. I just want to make that clear.
2 years ago I was cutting. Often. Almost everyday. I was angry and sad and angry at being sad. I didn’t know how to respond to these feelings, I pushed my mum away and I cut. Not very deep, but frequently, and over and over again in the same place Each fresh cut over a healing one The sight of that blood it helped.
Then i moved in with my dad and he caught me. I got better. I stopped. Every now and them I admired those fading […]
Don’t be fool by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I’m afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature to me,
but don’t be fooled.
For God’s sake don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure,
that confidence is my name and coolness is my gane,
that the water’s calm and I’m in command,
and that I need no one.
But don’t believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface
is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to […]
Nobody understands why cutting is an addiction. Nobody understands why when I’m angry or sad, my first thought it to bleed, my next is to feed my drug addiction. Nobody understands that I’d be able to quit drugs easier than I would be able to quit cutting. I wrote this last night in hopes of trying to eliminate the confusion. I hope this poem is acknowledged.
Have you ever been hurt?
But I don’t mean for real.
I mean the kind that can’t be seen,
the kind only you can feel.
You keep it to yourself
the feelings you’ve come to accept.
But still, every time […]
truthbetold is a jaded individual
urban dictionary says:
a) the end result of having a steady flow of negative experiences,disappointment, and unfulfillment fed into a person
where they get to the point where their anger circuits just sort of burn out and they accept disillusionment.
b) emotionally numb. having been through so much pain that you simply give up and decide unconciously not to feel anymore. mental suicide.
I also have dormant hatred for humanity, which is awaken when people do or say things that remind me how compassionate us humans can be ..
my friend depression tends to find its way inside my mind during the fall and usually leaves […]
You always hear people say that, “You’ll be accepted by being yourself,†right? Well,… IT’S WRONG!!! People would only accept you by being like everyone else. They always say that, you’re an anti-social freak or a messed up person am I wrong. Should we live up to other people’s expectation? Should they accept you by using you? Should you change yourself because you’re desperate to be accepted and to speak out on your own? That’s the quest/journey that I never accomplished from my life and still now. I do know that there are others that are doing the same. I understand. The confusion, the depression, […]
Born missing something in your brain. That piece that makes many crave attention and affection. When these things are offered you cringe in confusion. Knowing that others readily accept them but they seem rather uncomfortable. And you force yourself to act like you enjoy them because it makes others smile. One thing does touch you. The ones who are outsiders-ostracized-cast out-victims-pariahs. Their plight awakens an inner affinity.
Then there is the violation. Inall your collected data this only happens between adults. Between husband and wife. Between girlfriend and boyfriend. Not between adult and child. Not between two males. Deep down you know that this is monumentally worse […]
In a state of perfect suspension
Floating in undetermination
Waves of anxiety growing
Drowning and dying in frustration
Death on my face barely showing
Losing myself in the painful sea
Undefined creature torture to be
Forever shifting in unmade Mind
Unsure of any reality
My created world now to me lies
Kill me now, my doubted creator
Unbalanced, uncompensated I suffer
Unknowingly giving all my heart
I am ever unable to conquer
This infectious hope of a new start
Confusion seeps in and soaks my soul
Unable to understand the whole
Torturous cycle never ending
Thousand fire burnt heart black as coal
Light my apathetic soul defeating
Peace, that […]
For a week I was able to stay away from thoughts of suicide and I was able to keep myself busy enough to barely notice my sadness. But that all came crashing down yesterday before resulting in this strange mixture of apathy and sadness I feel right now.
I hate feeling nothing.
Feeling nothing is as bad as feeling massively miserable, if not worse due to the guilt that goes with not giving a shit about stuff you know you should give a shit about.
I have important exams this year, it less than a fortnight’s time but I have yet to make myself care enough to study […]
Here I am. I’m told I’m great. Good looking. Smart. Kind. Talented. I do many things. Have loving parents. Have loving friends. Have people who care. Even with all of these things, I’m stuck. It’s like an endless circle. I’m sad and angry, then numb. I feel numb so much of the time…I…I’m not even sure what I feel anymore. I mistook my content with my gay friend’s compliments to me, as a love for him. I’m a straight male. I know this because I’ve tried to have relationships with other guys. It was never right…it never felt right. I never kissed a guy, because […]
My life sucks i’m 22 had already had numerous atempts all failed for no explaineble reason took a box of sleeping pills nothing happend tried to hang my self rope broke (strong dynema 5 mm thick witch is as strong as steel wire of 7 mm thick) broke for no aparent reason
Now i’m feeling like this again.
moved to an other country to be with my girlfriend left everything behind only took my 12 year old dog
he died few weeks ago one moment he was fine the next he’s laying dead in my arms didn’t get over that yet
and now suddenly with no apperant reason my girlfriend […]
Why do I feel like this.
One minute I’m crying wanting to kill myself.
Then the next I’m calm and not thinking about anything.
Suicide has been very much on my mind for a long time. For as long as I remember, the thought of putting an end to my life would come up whenever I experienced pain, confusion, unhappiness. Pouf! Jump off the window and put an end to all that! That urge to jump into the air remains with me. I do consider other ways of killing myself from time to time, sleeping pills, hanging…hanging particularly appeals to me despite the gruesome sight of someone hanging from a rope. I don’t think I will act on those feelings. I have a child for whom I am responsible. […]
I learned this recently. The story is very confusing. Are you ready?
This is who I thought I was: a severely schizophrenic German boy, who was severely abused as a child, alongside his twin sister. He has a boyfriend, who also has a twin. He is in Foster care.
Who I really am: a Canadian girl, less severely abused, with no twin, no boyfriend, and no Foster care.
What happened: I have multiple personalities. I suppose I’m transgender, because all the personalities are male. I am also schizophrenic, though not as badly as previously thought. The original personality, the female birthed 18 years ago next week, is gone. […]
I’m in a very desperate position. I want to kill myself someone please help me, I have no one to talk to. I wear this mask to hide my pain but as a result no one knows me and I feel so alone all the time, I have no one. My parents are well were abusive drunks but now since I’m old enough to protect myself they think they can but my love with shiny objects. I hate them, I hate most people, and I’m filled with pain and confusion. I cut my self daily I’m an alcoholic and I’m only 17 years old. I […]
i can’t think straight anymore mind is nt at ease all i think about is taking this life my emotion are confusing my sight i need help any in plz give me some advice before i take this life
I thought i was doing so great. Love is my poison. Confusion is like a knife. The fact i only have guy friends and every girl i know hates me when i’ve done nothing to them.. it hurts. you feel alone. my first love has become a monster. I just recovered from self harm and suicide a month ago and now im falling again. i want to be strong but i feel like i want to take something burning hot to my arm. possibly attempt to bleed again. i feel like everyone just thinks im completely annoying. i let the simplest things get to me […]
I really don’t know what to do anymore. My life is going downhill. My few friends are turning against me. It feels like nobody wants me here, so if I ended my life, everyone would be happier. I want to end my life, but I am too afraid to take the necessary actions to do so. I sleep eleven hours a night, which is three hours longer than I used to sleep, plus i wake up at 4 am and cant go back to sleep for about twenty minutes. I am rarely hungry and last night i felt really dizzy for about two hours. I […]
1. If you go to a therapist, which I very, very highly recommend, be aware that you might have to go to several before you get one you feel can really help. Reserve the energy for that and know that there is a caring, competent one out there for you, despite the ones you may meet at first. It’s worth the search, the most important search you will ever make. Don’t give up just because you may first encounter therapists you ca’t relate to. They all aren’t the same. The best are educators. They will explain how people, you and others, behave the way they do, […]
Older Posts