I thought i was doing so great. Love is my poison. Confusion is like a knife. The fact i only have guy friends and every girl i know hates me when i’ve done nothing to them.. it hurts. you feel alone. my first love has become a monster. I just recovered from self harm and suicide a month ago and now im falling again. i want to be strong but i feel like i want to take something burning hot to my arm. possibly attempt to bleed again. i feel like everyone just thinks im completely annoying. i let the simplest things get to me these days. im overly sensitive to things that mean a lot to me. i kick myself when i do something silly. i just want to disappear so i make everyone’s life easier. so i dont have my best friend hating me for some made up reason. so i dont have to disappoint anyone. so i dont have to fall for anyone or any lies. im soo sick of being treated like shit. i just want to disappear. im tired of feeling like a failure. im tired of feeling like im not good enough. im sick of it all. please, i just want to end it all tonight… attempt to… but in the end, i will just feel like another failure.
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4 comments
I hear you. Can’t believe I just found you TODAY.
My “story” is just like yours, I feel like dying every single day and I’m only 18. I also feel like everyone thinks I’m completely annoying. I just want to keep in touch with you if it’s possible. I’m from Brazil.
I’ll be thinking of you. x
just thought i’d let you know i read your post. i feel like a failure too. i sometimes think and hope to connect with ppl on here and elsewhere online so that we can share with eachother different small things we can each do to help improve our situations. things you and i can do so that we dont feel like failures for example. i know we wont start feeling good about ourselves over night but maybe we’ll develop something that gets us going. i see myself trying to grasp at some kind of long term solution or help to address my depression and i think of websites like this as a potential form of long term support but then i immediately think of all the other little things in my mind which i have thought of in the past that would help me which ended up not helping much. things in the past that i thought would help were therapy and support groups and a personal journal. i never seemed to benefit from them in the way i wanted to and i was always inconsistent about them. anyways, i dont know why i still have hope that something like this website can help long term. its, as i kind of suggested, not a very serious hope, just kind of a distant hope but hope nonetheless.
what makes you feel like a failure?
I know what it feels like when you don’t feel good enough..it basically means your around the wrong people and God is trying to get you away from that. God doesn’t want you to die..he wants you to be happy. I was called every name in the book by someone that has promised me more than half my life things and that person continued to hurt me. I know now that it is that persons problem and I cant fix it..they have to do it for themselves. If your needing help..there is always an answer to every problem.
I’m sorry you are being treated like shit. But you aren’t a failure and you are good enough. Be good enough for yourself, not somebody else. We all kick ourselves when we do something silly. Just don’t beat yourself up over it. Give yourself a chance, if no one else will.