I’ve been in the hospital twice in less than a month and tried to commit suicide 3 times… and the last 2 days I’ve been back in bed with hardly any contact from anyone and I’m not going to contact people and be a burden to them but honestly I’m going crazy… and afraid it won’t be too much longer… I just want to die, but I guess its my fault b.c. I’m posting positive sayings on facebook like I’m excited to see what God has for my future. My mom has asked for my schedule but I don’t want to deal with her because […]
Tag:
Crap
I have been battling this depression thing for quite a few months now.
I just dont get what is going in my freaking head!! im so confused.
I am happy for a while, and then suddenly for no reason i get depressed. And then i try diverting my mind off it, by doing something i like, but that doesnt happen. I dont even know if I am making sense right now!!
This damn thing, i just dont know what is going on with me!! I did go to a psychiatrist, but she was no good. She just wrote me pills, which i got addicted to and that is […]
i don’t know…i guess to talk to about my problems. Well, not really talk about my problems because i highly doubt people will read the crap i post. I guess just to vent? I don’t know man. I just feel like shit. Yup yup yup.
Ever just watch pet fish? Watch them swim around in their bowl? Wonder if they are unhappy swimming in circles, seeing the same things, eating the same things, doing the same things? Does my fish, Flex, even know that my other fish, Murs, is in the bowl with him? Does he even notice the rainbow I put in their to help give them some scenery and something to swim through. Just like school, jobs, and sports are just thrown into the world to give us something to do. The flowers, trees, and ‘mystical wonderlands’ are just scenery to spice up the fact that we are just living in a bowl. Oh, and that fish next to you […]
crap… just fuck and whatever…
Im freakin alive… Urgh…
I like am sure Im gonna die, I mean I drank 20 times the normal amount! It says in research that what I drank (200 mg) is lethal since one girl died of suicide by drinking 240 mg of what I drank…
damn damn damn it all!!!
i WAS FREAKIN FREAKED OUT… i WANNA TRY AGAIN BUT HELL… Â What am I gonna do now… I didnt plan far ahead… FUCK
what I drank isnt over the counter, its even seriously strong… when I drink one for my allergies, I get knocked out seriously… but I did 20!!! oh man… and Im here, […]
I don’t understand why some ex’s gives you closure and some do not. Why is that?
by sleepxdeath
written by sleepxdeath
Like with my ex boyfriend, I broke up with him a few years ago, from a 2 year long distance relationship and we decided to stay as friends. When I moved back to the same area I realized that he would always ignore me when I really wanted to at least see him… but I realized, after a few months, it was already too late. Nothing, no more hopes and no more dreams. And worse of all his parents told me to just move on. His friends, whom used to be mine, they just told me to move on as well.
Not him though. He just […]
It`s kind of funny, really. I guess the universe really does want me to die. I didn’t really think it could get any worse, but I should have learned by now not to say that.
School was lonely enough with friends, but now even they have been taken. If there ever was something to live for, it would be for my friends.Oh well I suppose it`s for the best. I was ptobably going to off myself anyway, and now they won`t have to feel bad about it.
I guess I really am meant to die. Well, as soon as I have my room cleared out, good byes […]
After all the bullshit, the hospital, etc. I felt no more ‘better’ than I did before all of that crap (read my other posts to find the other shit I have been going through). I actually feel much much worse than before (this post explains most of it).
I was trying to find just one reason to stay alive, and figured I could make one with my XGF. I figured we could try things again. I figured I could stay permanently, and make the kid’s life better. Now that she has no chance, the poor kid will go through “father” after “father” after “father”. She claims […]
I think jumping off a building is the way I want to go.. When I do go or when I have the guts. I could run up the stair well to the top of a huge skyscraper. Then once at the top I could look down at the world of cruelty, pain and evil and for the first time since I came into this world, I can smile and truly mean it. I can stretch out my arms like a bird and jump like a child jumps happily when they are younger. Then I can fall effortlessy from this skyscraper and FLY. Then if I […]
Just making a list that I can look back on whenever I feel down.
– Parents: Unlike what most people I know say about their parents, mine are amazing to me. They have supported me through everything and never left. If anything, they are here more than ever 🙂
– Close friends: They understand that I need them, but that I also need space.
– Boyfriend: I don’t even know where to start with how much he has helped me.
– My old therapist: The reason I can trust.
– My ex / now friend: The one person who completely understood and took all the […]
Hello everybody.
Just before I recite my terribly long story, I’d like to wish you all a very pleasant day <3
So .. My story … I’m a 14 year old guy and I have been dealing with a lot emotionally for a couple of years now. Let’s start with my parents. Ever since I was young, everybody thought I had the best parents in the world. Heck, my mom even quit her job just to take care of me and my sister. You might say I’m weird, you might say I’m insensitive for hating my parents when all they do is love me. Right? Anyways, […]
Married mother of two with the nice house, white plastic fence, and a dog. I was sexually,mentally, and verbally abused most of my childhood and emotionally abused throughout my pregnancies. I’ve been broken way too many times and the thoughts of everything that happened to me won’t stop haunting me. I tried to kill myself a few months ago with liquor and 90 flexeril, I counted every single one I sadly didn’t succeed. I’m trying the whole happy pill and therapy crap, I’ve been on four different kinds of pills and I get seen four times a month and I just feel sad and […]
In October of last year, I was going to hang myself. I was living over six hours away at school. No one I knew there. Grades dropped to an all time low. Before I could do it, my mother withdrew me and brought me home, yelling the most obscene things at me. She knew nothing of my self harm or plans, and she made me feel like worse shit than I am. I went to the local high school again. Things got worse, but also better. I got a girlfriend. A good friend of mine died. So did my grandpa. I can’t bear to outlive […]
If so, I’d like to know what it is. Life doesn’t seem worth it anymore. I came here out of desperation. I have nobody to share my feelings with. I am alone. I’m afraid to be close to people because they always hurt me in the end. Or maybe I’m alone because people generally do not want to be around me. “Freak,” they’ll call me, telling me how I am not worth their time. “Tell me, why haven’t you had a boyfriend? Are you lesbian?” They’ll ask me. Outraged, I deny, but they don’t believe me. It isn’t my fault nobody wants me. It isn’t […]
I’ve been a kind of a fixture on SP for several months – some know me – others have never seen me. Some like me, some respect me, others hate me and think I’m full of crap and retarded.
I care about everyone – and I try to be positive and upbeat – strong for those who don’t feel they can take another step. I don’t “want” any of us to be here but that just isn’t realistic. and for many of us, ‘here” is a small piece of flotsam in and angry sea that will eventually but surely take us all … preferably when we’re old and grey … […]
We have all seen the “goodbye” posts here.  Mine is gonna be a bit different.
Yesterday, my therapist basically told me that she can no longer see me until I become more stabile.  She thinks I need “in-patient care”.  I really do not want that.  My wife (who has recently become aware of my issues) has been amazingly supportive.  She says she still thinks meds and a pychiologist that comes highly recommended (without being locked up in the nut house) is how we should proceed.
Ya, it does scare the crap out of me.  But, I have done a number of legit suicide attempts.  And just […]
I guess ill start from the begining… I grew up without a father, for my childhood, I never had fun because I was always forced to do homework from books that you can buy. If I did a problem wrong, I would get hit with a wooden stick on the hands or slapped in the face… I always enjoyed games since I grew attached to it considering my mom was at work. Playing games also were the part of the my life where I would unstress my selfI also never had an actual summer since my mom still forced me to to spend all my […]
My grandparents were gonna let me see my dad in California before I go back to VA but he can’t afford to get me back in time for court, so again, not gonna see him. This game that’s been going on between them my whole life. So I have a choice. Go back to VA early with my sister or stay the rest of the summer here and go back when we were planning to-at the end of the summer. If I leave early, I know it will break my mom’s heart again and I’ll have to be with my grandparents longer. But if I […]
underage high schooler living with  a clinically depress/paranoid mom.
everynight around 11pm-8am my mom would have these urges to freak out/cry/yell. the things I hear is that everyone treated her like crap. she would look in the mirror and yell at herself how she gotten so ugly as a person. the “freak outs” have been going on for a year. it’s getting financially and emotionalbad worst. let’s say, if tmrw I loose everything I own I won’t be surprise. I’ve been clinically depress since the 7th/8th grade. so far I’ve attempted suicide twice. ended up in the hospital and depression center both times. seriously I think […]
Growing up, I was that girl who always believed (and had been told) I was fat and ugly and that even makeup and surgery wouldn’t fix that (still have only worn makeup once in my life, and that was for a performance). I also embraced the label the perfectionist “nerd” and girl who hung out with the “weirdos” of the school (I love them <3), so I know what it is like to cop a lot of crap and be bullied. And even though I consider myself someone who doesn’t let verbal abuse affect them, I know what is is like to feel like crap […]