Here’s my story

Hello everybody.
Just before I recite my terribly long story, I’d like to wish you all a very pleasant day <3

So .. My story … I’m a 14 year old guy and I have been dealing with a lot emotionally for a couple of years now. Let’s start with my parents. Ever since I was young, everybody thought I had the best parents in the world.  Heck, my mom even quit her job just to take care of me and my sister. You might say I’m weird, you might say I’m insensitive for hating my parents when all they do is love me. Right? Anyways, I don’t think that they really understand that I don’t need them protecting me anymore. When I was a kid, they used to buy me all the things I wanted. I admit it, I was very spoiled. Soon, my mom and her best friend started having fights. And guess what? She blamed me for everything that happened between them. She used to ground me for no reason. She took it out on me, my sister, and my dad. Soon, my parents were having fights. And my dad blamed them on me too. He was physically abusive, and so was my mom. What’s more frustrating is that they would come into my room 5 minutes later acting all loving and shit like nothing has happened when they just beat the crap out of me. As you can see, I’m too young to move out. I tried running away once. They called the cops and they soon found me near the grocery store. When I was 13, I found out that I was bisexual. At first I was in denial but I have been more accepting of myself now. It’s just that my society and religion are not so accepting of bisexuals. Several months ago, I met a really handsome 16 year old. He was handsome, funny, and really sweet to hang around with. A few weeks passed and I finally had the guts to ask him out. Surprisingly, he said yes. Our first date was amazing and we settled in a relationship together for about 3 months. He stole my heart. I fell blindly in love with him. So after 3 months, he called less, he texted less, and we stopped hanging out as much. He didn’t answer my texts and was avoiding me whenever I saw him in public (I live in a really small country). He later called saying he’d like to break up. He didn’t say why, he didn’t even bother explaining. He just hung up. After he broke up with me, I felt empty. I didn’t feel anything at all. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t laugh. I felt emotionless. Anyways, when it finally hit me, I cried my eyes out. I closed my phone for about 2 weeks and when I switched it on again, my best friend had deleted me off of her BBM list. I sent her a text asking for a reason and she claimed that I wasn’t there for her when she most needed me. She said I was worthless and selfish. She even threatened me. She was the one of the only people I trust. I tried explaining that my phone was off but she said she wasn’t “interested in knowing”. That was where I hit rock bottom. I was already feeling really shitty. I felt so lonely. I have terrible parents, no boyfriend, and just lost the trust of my best friend. I have other people that i trust, but i just find it really hard to open up to people. There was a point in life where I had already decided to end it all, that no person deserved to feel so bad. I had a rope, my dad owns a gun, and we have a lot of pills in the house. It could have been any day. But all of a sudden, a spark of hope hit me. I didn’t really want to die, I only wanted the pain to stop. I decided to go see my school counselor. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I did it. I told him how depressed I was feeling. He made an appointment with my mother and her answer really aggravated me. She said that I was “making it up for attention”. She said that my life was completely fine and that I was over reacting. Later that night, she GROUNDED ME for seeing the counselor for help. And what did my dad to? He said I was a disgrace to the family for seeking help. He said I wasn’t a man because I couldn’t solve my own problems. There I just lost it. It felt like I was falling into an abyss. No, It felt like I was drowning in my own blood and tears. I couldn’t take it anymore. Up until this day, I wake up every morning having hope. Hope in a better future. I had hope that I will somehow find light in this darkness. But when nightfall comes, I feel the world caving in. It feels like I’m trapped inside myself. I am my own worst enemy. And every night, I cry myself to sleep, somehow convincing myself that it will all be better tomorrow. Only, it never is.