This past mont my anxiety and paranoia have gotten so fucking bad that at some points in my day I can barely breathe. I shake and my head goes crazy. I get so dizzy and my fiancé helps me he does but when he’s not here my anxiety gets worse.
Tag:
crazy
I can’t resist the temptation.
When I see the blood come out from where I cut, I seem to become lost in a trance. I become fascinated. It’s inciting. I can’t resist the temptation to draw more blood. It’s as if as the blood represents all my negative emotions, and is it pours out, my negative emotions are slowly cleansed. The temptation is too great. It makes me happy. The emotion that I thought I’d lost. Call me crazy, but I love it.
Also I don’t really want anyone to tell me not to cut, to go distract myself, go talk to someone. I have done all […]
When I say I hate you it’s because it’s “too soon” to say I love you
by psychoticbip
written by psychoticbip
I tell you I hate you every time I feel like saying I love you. I never want to seem crazy but I feel crazy crazy that once again I have failed feeling too much over a course of months. My father said love was a myth for the fools. How mythical of me to fall in love with a fool. Poor little fool who can’t seem to love me. If only he had the ability to feel what I feel how I feel it we’d be able to prove daddy wrong. So instead I say the second strongest word I feel hate because I […]
Not sure how to make since of anything.. Between hearing seeing and feeling things I’m unsure are real or not or the strange thoughts and being afraid of it all.. The other day it was pouring rain and the wind shield wipers were on high the water quickly beading and dripping down again all I could see was blood… I wished for it and hoped for it … I’m so tired of holding this feeling in.. Some ppl say it’s all a lie some just think I’m crazy but why? Why is that what I thought of ? Because of the long addiction I had/have […]
Last year I was best friends with this girl. When something was wrong she was the first person I called to talk to. Over the Summer her ex started liking me. We got into a huge fight over it and now she hates me. I’ve tried so many times to be her friend again but it never works. When I’m nice to her she ends up spreading rumors. And now she’s talking to her ex again who started rumors about her. Why do I miss her like crazy? I don’t get this. It’s so confusing.
This is just a quick note to wish everyone on SP well during the holidays. I realize this is one of the most difficult periods for many people here and it can be Hell having everyone else’s happiness and enjoyment thrown in your face for the better part of two weeks. Personally, I’m not too crazy about this time of year myself (even though things in my life are a little better than in previous years), but I suppose it is what it is.
Anyway, I hope everyone is able to make the best that they can out of the holidays.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
See, after the last girl that seemed crazy about me turned me down and wanted to be friends (and I was stupid enough to believe things would be different this time) I want to know, how do I get a girlfriend? Should I just make my standards so low I can’t possibly get rejected? Just go for people with no self-esteem and don’t actually look like girls to begin with? Is that the key, just have no standards whatsoever? Or should I just say screw it and end my life, because I’m sick of this.
I feel rejected by the outside world. I am not sure where I fit in anymore. I am very sad today and hurt because I am not the same person I was before a couple weeks ago after my attempt. I am grateful to be here but I’m very lonely and confused. If anyone can help I would appreciate knowing how you came to accept your life. I am part of a community that believes I relapsed but even admitting that I still feel depressed and crazy in my head. What can I do?
I want to just let everyone on SP know that I’m so thankful for you all! We’re all on the same boat and it’s nice to not feel so alone sometimes. I don’t feel crazy here, love ya’ll. xoxo
family and friends repeat the same words, “itll get better, itll pass with time, this is just temporary” but it isnt, they dont understand how much pain ive been in, and when i get up to do something about my sadness im told im crazy, why would i do that, maybe i am crazy, but im trying yo find my happiness, what im doing now, the journey i took over the holiday week, i may not come back alive, but i am reaching out and trying to grasp my happiness, wish me luck, if this is my last post then that means i did not […]
I really want to let him go but i cannot it has been two miserable years filled with heart brake and tragedy. I love him yes i do with all my heart but he’s a monster that made me into a mentally insane person. Your probably wondering what the hell I’m talking about well heres my story.
He’s my boyfriend and well we have been together for two years now almost three I’m 17. at first things were nice and filled with butterflies and rainbows but then, but then i saw the monster that was hiding behind that gentle warm smile. You know i used […]
For some lucky individuals, autism frees them. Unfortunately for me, it traps me. I live in the world of repetition. My past aka my bullying days haunts me everyday. I really tried to let it go. but to no avail. My family refused to believe I have tried.
Whatever bad experiences I had haunts me everyday. That is the symptom of autism. Same thoughts comes to you in a cyclic manner. I struggled to gain acceptance in the past without success. I used to think what is wrong with me? Why doesn’t nobody likes me? Why am I so slow […]
I’m just so sick of being sad, the worse part is I can’t explain why I’m even sad… I wrote a note and it seemed like I was drunk and crazy at the same time, it makes sense in my head but I can’t get it out…. I find myself researching ways to end it that won’t upset people if they find me, why am I so worried still about pleasing people
That’s what ones close to me say. If they don’t say it i know that they think so. Everyone has a different definition of the word. Crazy is a word you use when you don’t understand something….In my opinion. I already know that they can’t or will never understand. No one understands. No one around here anyways. People are too quick to judge. I want them to spend a day in my shoes… see how long it would take for them to crack. I’ve held on this meaningless shit since i was 16. But hey, they say it’s just life, and it is.
I had a dream the other night that only frightens me because of the underlying message I found in it.
I dreamt that I was outside in the yard, I can’t recall what I was doing but it was a nice, warm, clear, day. I had heard a loud bang and fizzle type of sound. Myself and a few others that were also outside looked up to the sky and saw an enormous missile with three cylinders crash right into the hillside, not more than fifteen miles away. As others began to panic and clamour around, I just stood still, staring in awe. […]
I call her M&M. Because those are her initials.
She used to be one of my bestfriends.
Her dad went all manic and went crazy on her family and got sent to a mental hospital.
Then she got crazy.
It was like, She was a complete different person. She’s 13 right now and She has probably had sex with 30+ highschoolers at my school.
None of the highschoolers like her for her. and she knows that but she still lets them do whatever.
She got super suicidal before all this happened.
Then she tried to overdose.
and then she slit her wrists.
Then she went […]
This is something I’ll have to try and explain to my therapist. I figured I’d try to write it down first.
I suffer from delusional episodes. I don’t consider too many of my delusions “off the wall” or entirely “crazy” but never the less they exist only in my mind and it’s been proven to me on many occasions, but not before making outrageous claims, embarrassing myself and losing people I would have hoped to keep as friends..or more. This is why I say I suffer from delusions, because I drive away everyone who cares and the ones that stay get sucked into my pitiful […]
I want to die. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m tired of struggling. I’m tired of what’s right & wrong. Everyday is a huge waste of energy. I just want to disappear. I’m tired of being the crazy one. The one in therapy…that’s not working. So I feel like a failure. I fail at all I touch.
There’s nothing more to say
Here at the end, will I find
Unleash, are you my monster
Are you all mine, all mine
Thank you for being so sweet
Be my little flower, take me
I’ve gone crazy, are you
Can I see you tonight, Maurice
Let me know, let me know
You want to Samba, you want to fight
Let’s f***
Monster rally
I’ve been super crazy busy and I hate that I don’t have time to come on here and read posts, comment or write anything. You are all awesome and have been so amazing to me, so I just wanted to pop in and say hi and that I’m still here, just working a lot and busy trying to find a second job. Crazy crazy life never slows down, haha.
I hope you all are well and hopefully I’ll get my schedule balanced out soon. I miss chatting with you guys.
<3
EK