When I first starting cutting last year it hurt so bad. Now it’s like I’m numb. I can cut so deep it won’t stop bleeding for hours but it never hurts. Does this mean that I’ve gotten used to hardship and pain?
Tag:
Cutting
The love of my life lives in Kansas….I live in North Carolina. We have been off and on for almost a year now. We got back together about 2 months ago then he broke up with me. I fell back into cutting and pills. He swore he didn’t like anyone else, it was just the distance. He asked out my best friend 2 days after he told me that. I want to fucking hate him so much….but I can’t. He doesn’t know I know. I promised him I wouldn’t cut or get high…..yet my arm is filled with new scars and my pill bottles are […]
I wrote my suicide letter today. So sure that I’m ready to do it. I let out my loudest cry. I voiced it. Yet it went unheard. No one taking me seriously. Thinking it’s only for attention. I was embarrassed when I told them. Humiliating. Yet she stood there and said it’s my fault, and she thought it was only for attention. Left me in disgust. I like being unseen but when I ask for your help so that I can live happily I expect you to give a damn so I’m not suffering in freaking silence, going through each day asking myself what did […]
I want so badly to hurt myself right now. I want to tear at my skin first with my nails and then with a knife and I’ve never wanted it so  badly before. I both want to and don’t want to at the same time. I want to attack the soft completely soft and smooth and unmarked skin on the underside of my forearm because it will be a work of art and I long to see the angry raised red skin that will appear after a long nail session, then the red that will bleed when I get my razor out… I want it […]
everythings supposed to be perfect. i have the most amazing boyfriend ever but… i still want to cut and puke. i cant eat normal even though he begs me to. im still depressed. i still want to die. i still feel fucking empty like i dont exist…. WHY? this was supposed to fix everything having my best friend in the whole universe as my boyfriend but somethings wrong. i just wanna starve, cut and die but he wont let me.
i dont know how much longer i can last
I was just thinking. Why do people guilt trip over cutting themselves?
Who the fuck cares what other people think? (Well, maybe that’s more of my perspective.) It’s non-lethal, it hurts less than getting a tattoo, you just don’t get a pretty picture at the end. I mean, for pain itself, there would be constructive and productive things to do like yoga, or running till your legs give out, that hurt a lot more than some scrapes. The intensity of pain you feel from pushing your bodily limits are usually a lot worse than the actual act of cutting. If you consistently need stitches and […]
I saw a picture of a girl’s arm covered in cuts and blood.
What did it make me think?
I hate it when it gets so itchy when it starts to heal.
The itchiness alone makes it not worth it, for me, at least.
You ask me for sex; You ask to hang; You kissed me; Yet you hang with her? Then you text me about another girl? Boy get your mind straight! Dang, No I will not take you back, is this how it goes? K, M, K, M, B, K ? I don’t think so hunn. Get your mind straight.. Please? I remember when you were sooo close to hitting me for cutting i felt it all when you punched that door.. Please baby.. Keep going..
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I have lately been crying often due to the problems involving my family. It all started of when i hadn’t been talking to my dad for atleast 5 months.
Cause you see my parents are divorced and now i live with my mum and step-dad and siblings. Anyway, I didnt end up going on holiday with my dad. Kinda sad. Once the summer holidays i had sent him a message saying that im sorry but my phone didnt work so i had no contact with him and i told him that i now am back at home.
He hadn’t called or texted me .. i was getting […]
Wow, who knew cutting could give you such a rush!! This is my first time cutting, with a pair of hair cutting scissors. All. Id di was scrape the sharp blad against my skin till little spots of blood came out. These were really shallow though, but i was in a bath so i dipped my arm in the water and i saw the little blood bubblz. Blood is so…mesmerizing. Even though afterwards i can feel dozn shallow cutes i made opening and closing, my heart iz bezting twice as fast and im oddly happy! Its not as hard, cause i cant help but excited […]
I’ve been clean for so long, I haven’t cut in over a year and it feels good. But the feelings won’t go away, they’ll never go away. At times I feel better, at times I feel so happy, and then it comes crashing down again. Thoughts, thinking, I know it’s a gift for us to be able to think unlike other beings, but I don’t want to be left alone with mine. They take me to dangerous places. Once they start, they never stop. It gets so out of hand, and I have thoughts of cutting again. Only sheer willpower stops me. This desire of […]
Alone I sit,
Alone I think,
Alone I experience,
Alone I cry,
Alone I reach for the knife,
Alone I cut,
Alone I watch the blood,
Alone I feel the pain.
Alone I think about cutting deeper,
Alone I experience my sadness,
Alone I cry my eyes out,
Alone I reach for the knife,
Alone I cut my wrists just a tiny bit deeper,
Alone I feel the pain.
Alone I think about slicing pictures,
Alone I experience my emptiness,
Alone I cry for all I’ve lost,
Alone I reach for the knife,
Alone I cut nice drawings for all of those who want to […]
I have no friends at school and everyone looks at me like I’m a freak every day. There is a small group of people I normally hang out with, but they just see me as someone who hangs out with them because nobody wants to be friends with the person. Every romantic relationship I’ve ever had ended with every boyfriend either taking advantage of me, cheating on me, or pretending they loved me. I feel like an ugly person and I wanna die already. Nobody would care, not even my own family would care. They hate me so much, and the only person who (sometimes) cares […]
Hello, space mariners. Or maybe aliens or innocent bystanders. I’m almost alone on this planet sometimes. I’m not used to write or chat in this language, so be merciful if I’m making some awful mistakes.
Today I feel a little bit pathetic than usual. But I don’t think about cutting myself or jumping from eighth’s floor. I don’t know why.
I can go on with my live. It’d boring or interesting, or maybe even  funny sometimes.  Or I can stop it.
Both choices are equal for me sometimes.
I want to cry, but i cannot. I want to cry and whimper in someone’s arms. But there is nothing but […]
Hi, im new here, i dont know exactly what to do, but ill tell my story. Im 16 years old and currently been in america for 7 years. For 9 years i lived in spain with my biological father.He was an alcoholic, went out every night and got drunk. He abused me, my mum and my brother every night when he came home. Â When i was about 6, both of my parents were at work, and my nanny was asleep. My brother sexually abused me. I thought it was a game,and he made me promise not to tell anyone. I kept it. and i forgave […]
I’m 19 years old and ever since I can remember, I felt rejected. My father did not show any love. Instead, he decided to have multiple affairs and leave me and my mother every night to satisfy his sick needs. How can he choose random females over his family?! I can remember one day trying to be involved in one of my fathers and older sisters conversations..he looked at me and told me to get away. Not having that love and affection from my father sent me out seeking it. At 11 years old I invited these 2 boys over which were friends but i […]
Hi, i’m 15, I’m a girl, and I’ve been through hell. I’m a sophomore, and I know what its like to lose everyone you’ve ever had. My mom had me at 16, and starting at three years old, my mom was dating around a lot, got hip on drugs and alcohol. Both of my parents were VERY bad alcoholics. My mom was dating this guy that beat her, and made me watch, then my sister was born, I was three, taking care of a baby my mom couldn’t take care of.. We got evicted and lived in a car for a week when i was […]
Not to say I wasn’t clean for a year and that’s not something I am proud of …
But I have NO IDEA what came over me…
I loved the metal. I missed it so much, I didn’t even cry. I’m not suicidal… I just want to cut.
But I’m  scared that I’ll get worse again… I don’t want to get worse again… I don’t want to be in my head again.
I don’t want to be that girl again.
The thing about my cutting, is that I can’t stop, it’s the only way I even know how to cope. My parents tried to force me to quit cutting. The stress made me want to do it even more. So I continued and even picked up smoking. They stopped trying to make me quit, because they thought they did a good job, and that I had quit. They all have no clue I continued or picked up another habit. I just cut less than two hours ago, my entire stomach basically. Covered in blood from my habit, burning from all the pain. I sadly like […]
I have been cut free for a year as of last week. I have never known any cutters other than myself, but that maybe because I never told anyone . No why would they expect that the laughing funny guy is just a mask to hide my rotting face behind.Even though its nearly killed me several times I still want to cut. When I cut I pretend I was a surgeon and I was just performing an operation, nothing was solved but nothing mattered.Does this ever go away? Its funny, such a little piece of metal can control me so easily.I cut  off one eyebrow […]