Ffs. I havent wanted to actually end my life for a long time now. Not until these passed few days. Iv’e got a place to end it.. A note in my head… I just have no idea how many and what type of pills I should take. I mean.. Even if I knew what to do, i wouldn’t even know where to get them. God damn it. If anybody wants to talk, please feel free to email me.. Please. zoebear_1@hotmail.com
~Zoe
Tag:
Cutting
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person.. thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
by niki
written by niki
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person…
thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
I often feel like I belong to another planet, universe, or perhaps another ‘spiritual’ plane, dimension,..something like that.
my super-vivid imagination’s world / universe is often a HUNDRED times much more lively, interesting, exciting, thrilling, and challenging than this apparently “Law and Order, all about money/profits and status” shallow, mundane, meaningless real world !
it’s my curse.
fuck my life..
get the hell me out of this fucking Matrix , please , somebody!
there should be an OPTION to get the fuck […]
I want to cut desperately.
I want to feel, to control my own pain.
I’m alone truly alone. I don’t feel anything anymore. Nothing makes me sad or happy anymore. Nothing’s funny. Everything’s just empty, blank.
I cut myself a couple weeks ago with a razor it was an honest accident. I loved the pain I got from it though. For the first time in a while I could feel. For the first time I was in control of my own pain. I felt something other than emotional bullshit.
I ache for that feeling again but I can’t bring myself to do it. I seat […]
I want to share my story, of who I am and how I got here, but I can’t share it with those I know so this seemed like the next best thing. I don’t know who is out there reading this, or if anyone even will, but there is a comfort in sharing how I feel without fear of judgment or persecution.
I will start with the easiest parts. I am a 29 year old mother of 3, married to a great man, and working at my dream job. I volunteer at my church and also lead a girl scout troop. So […]
Once again, I am back from the hospital for suicidal thoughts and depression… Yippy. Just what I want, right? Wrong. I wish that I didn’t have to come back to school… I hate it here…. Anywaysssss I was there also for my anger. I have a terrible temper and I needed to get that under control also, but mostly, I was there for my depression… I tried to OD yesterday also and tried to cut open my arms. Sounds great, doesn’t it? God, why can’t I just be happy…? Even if it’s for a minute. Why?
Its been heating up nicely in Pennsylvania. Had some ugly (obvious self harm) scars on my arm since last November. 5 of them, they made me sick. I was so fucked up (drunk) when I did them it was hazey to remember. I used a steak knife because I didn’t have a razor. Really tore the skin apart. (Saw fatty tissue) the next day I was fucking pissed. I let a fucked up shell of the worst of me scar me. The first month was bad. They wouldn’t heal. I thought I was going to have to stich it up myself with fishing line because […]
look, i know that my “problems” is’nt really important like the problems of other people, but i need someone who listen to me… and this page probably can help me to change the way that im feeling
it maybe sound foolish that a person like me, that never think about cutting or commited suicide, make a post in the “suicide project”… but i dont know whats happening to me… i dont know who i really am and that scares me a lot…
i am a happy person, i like to be with my friends.. but i think that i have a giant mask in my face…. i […]
I’m a semi-normal thirteen-year-old. Sitting at his computer desk, eating milk and cookies after he gets home from a hard day at school. But in my hand is a pair of scissors, worn from use. I am cutting myself. But once you look past the fat and scars (physical and mental) I am a good person. And I accept that. I don’t hate myself, it’s just my douchebag brain making me take everything the kids at school say to me like they’re true. And some of the things are. I feel mostly carefree, except for the fact that I fail at everything, including killing myself. […]
My bad attitude caused by frustration and self hatred has pushed those who used to care about me far far away. I know we’re all alone no matter what, but it kills me not to have at least that illusion making us feel as though we are not alone. I started cutting a few days ago and each day the  cut gets a  little deeper. I was just looking for a distraction from my emotional pain. I haven’t felt happiness all year. I’m beginning to question if there even is a possibility for me to feel happiness again. I used to rely on strangers to […]
i started to cut again, the urge in me gets stronger and im just falling apart. i feel like my world that i slowly built is falling down on me. its hard to breath, and i just cant take it anymore. if anyone else found out that i started again i dont even know what they would do to me, they probably beat the shit out of me again. but i just cant take it anymore, im one cut away from taking my own life. im just stressed out about everything, college, work, art, friends, family, my future… theres just no escape… even right now […]
I’m not going to share my whole life story because I think the problems that I had or have are minor to what everyone else goes through. This fact actually makes me feel more depressed. I feel horrible for even thinking that I’m horrible and shouldn’t be alive. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m better than anyone. In fact I hate myself. A lot.
To begin my story this is how people see me: I am to most people an always cheerful person. But that is how I get by. I try not to care and live with a smile. It worked until a […]
I cut for the first time in a long time.
I was angry and I felt betrayed.
It’s like I couldn’t control anything.
I cut my wrists. The blood looked pretty.
After it was done. It’s like everything was gone.
I started crying. I felt like a failure.
I should stop getting worked up over things out of my control.
I know it’s not my fault. But I can’t stop blaming myself.
Xoxo
I’ve told my story once on here nobody commented so I thought screw this why do I post it anyway? I posted it because none of you knew me and hopefully some of you would understand hopefully some one will read this one.
A couple of weeks after I posted my story on here one of my ‘friends’ told the school counsellor that I had been cutting myself and she didn’t have the courage to speak to me about it. The counsellor kept asking why I did it, I never replied I told her I was stopping because at the time I wanted to. After two sessions I was finished with her, […]
Every doctor pretty much makes it seem as though if you take this medicine, everything will get better. Sadly, that ain’t the truth. I have been taking medicine since I was in 6th grade and look at me. I am STILL depressed and I STILL have a lot of anxiety and anger. Can medicine really help you? No. It can help you a little. It can slightly make you happier and slightly less anxious, but that’s not always the case. When I cry, I can’t stop crying for about an hour. My anxiety gets so bad that I shake to the point that I can’t […]
Last week was my second time trying to commit suicide… I was crying and couldn’t stop because I felt unloved and unwanted. My self-confidence dropped to 0% and I couldnt talk to anyone about it. I felt as if no one understood what i was going through. My left arm is permanently scarred all the way down on the bottom and it reminds me of what I did…. I kinda wish that I did it deeper… There seems to be nothing good about me. I battle the urge to just Over Dose on any pills or slit my arms and wrists. I just don’t want […]
I stop cutting awhile ago, but now i have been having problems again, and i started cutting again. Every once in awhile I get a feeling like if i aint here(earth) everyone will be happy. I feel like i ruin everyones lives. I ruined my moms, my dads, my WHOLE FAMILIES lives. I want to be and i want them to be happy. The only way that will happen is if i am gone forever. I just want to be happy. I have been suffering from depression since i was 8 and now i am 16. I want to end this now. So maybe this is a goodbye forever.
Hi, I’m Ray. I have no special poem. No dramatic story to tell. I just have one question…
Does cutting help at all? im trying to make myself happier. i get really angry and frustrated, untill i dont know what to do, so i cut.. and it makes me feel beter, but of course it fucks up my wrists, and after about a year of cutting, im running out of space…
But i feel better when i cut, so is it actually good, or am i just stupid?
I remember a time where i could cut and then go on about my day with a fake smile as if everything was all fine and dandy. Cutting use to hold me together. It used to keep me sane. But now no matter what i do, or how much blood is shed i just cant seem to even pretend to be happy.I feel like i will never experience true happiness.
Today was one of the weirdest days of my life. I have been depressed since I was 10 years old. I’m 14 right now. I have attempted suicide 4 times. I have tried to drown myself, I have thrown myself down stairs trying to break my neck, I have tried strangling myself, and I have taken 15 pills. Today, I was bickering with my boyfriend John all day. We argued over him eating, me eating, and me cutting myself. First time we argued it wasn’t that bad. Then I told him that I was craving blood. He didn’t quite understand. So then I went upstairs to […]
So I recently gathered together all of the things from that time in my life–everything that holds negative connotations that came into my life over the past three years, from scissors and razors to the belt from my last attempt and poems and bloody tissues and whatever else–and I put all of this in a shoebox until I’d collected everything. Then I went out with my boyfriend into the back field, and we were looking for a tree to bury it by, when I saw the tree where one of my goats had died (she got her hoof stuck in between two branches and broke […]