Well its finally official, I’m doing nothing with my life, I can’t even get up outbid my bed to get myself a Heath care card. I need it for when I go to tafe, which is like a college it’s just really shit, and cheap..
Anyway it’s going to cost 1606.00 If I don’t have a health care card, it’ll only be 303 less with one but yeah.
Well anyway, I’ve decided im not going to do this corse because I fail everything I try, and I don’t have the money or motivation at all.
I would rather work until next year and do something […]
Tag:
Dad
I know, it’s probably strange seeing an 11 year old on here. But my mother recently died. My sister hates me and bullies me all the time. I’ve been depressed since November 2011 but no one ever notices. It may be bad if i cut my self but i have done it. I’ve been trying to stop but its hard. I am getting there though. My sister talks to me like i am crap. She acts like i don’t mean anything. But I do. Ever since my mother died it hasn’t been the same. I miss her. I talk to her. I have been bullied […]
That’s what I’ve learnt in life. I don’t deserve to be loved, I must be the worst person ever, thus all I deserve is pain and misery. I’m tired and today was hell, so bare with me if I don’t make much sense. Ever since I remember I’ve wanted to be loved and accepted.. and ever since i remember, I’ve been denied. My mother has always hated me. She’d never say a nice thing about me, she was convinced I’d only exist to ruin her life, cause her misery and she still accuses me of having tried to kill her when i was 5… nobody […]
My family hates me, they always tell me they do. I hate how i remember it when i was little, how happy we all were. Now look, im scared to go home. I hate the people i should love. It drives me insane, how my own father can scream at me ” aww you going to cry, GOOD, now you can go f*ckin cut yourself!!!” I feel numb. From all this stress and pain. It makes me wanna die, makes me think they are better off without me. I know my mom is, she already left me here. My dad already wants to. I should […]
My grandparents are still trying to control my life from here. They told me before I came down here that I can see my dad in California if he pays for it. Now they say they will do anything they can to prevent it. Now the’ve found out I want to try to get a GED this summer and will do anything to keep me in school. Usually IÂ would let that put me down but strangely I’m more motivated than I’ve ever been. I just got out of middle school and I’m gonna try for my GED this summer. I want to show them up. […]
I’m probably being stupid, I keep thinking that the only reason that I should continue living is so that my family don’t end up hurt but I’m starting to question my theory. I found my release a week or so ago, cutting, it helped me a bit. Whenever I got shouted at for poor conduct at school or something, I’d concentrate on the pain and everything else would just go silent no matter HOW hard they scream at me, I just wouldn’t hear it. It’s become a routine, planning out and researching how to end my pathetic existence that can’t even affect society, if I […]
iv had a lot of thing happen to me in my life but the one thing that iv learned is that the people and things that are closest to you are the things that can hurt you
the most.
just recently i left my dad (im 16 by the way), my parents are divorced and every since iv felt like an empty shell, not because they are divorced but because they
are such different people.
all i want is to be normal, to get good exam results and go to a good college and get a good job, but i cant, i cant because i […]
well this morning i woke up i felt so much better i was able stand on both of my feet but i was still a little limping i get to the arch of my room hallway and lean against the wall for balance and everything instantly become fuzzy and black spots appeared ( i have perfect vision!) i felt heavy and my dad walks downstairs and says “u feel okay?” i said “no” he told me to go back to bed my body couldnt respond i just fell over and hit the floor which than split my scab open from my leg so now there […]
My Suicide Story
I wanna kill myself so bad, i cut myself everyday, i wish people knew what i was going through. I live with my dad who threnthed to rearange my face, he said he will put my mouth on the other side of my face, make me blind, he also said by the time the doctors got done i would never be pretty again, Evan the doctors wouldnt look at me. My brother comes next he threw me in my room and busted myhead up against my drew, and then broke my bed. My uncle done worst when he punched me in my […]
So yeah yesterday the 21th was my brothers birthday. He turned 6 this year. He was really happy, we had pizza, hotdogs, and a soccer cake. It was going really well… until dad came home from work. Like always he was drunk. So when it was time to eat the cake my dad started crying. Do you know how hard that was for ME, seeing my only father cry. I started crying as well… I was scared! My grandpa told him to calm down and eat. But then my dad got up went to the kitchen and grabes a knife. He then […]
People say am over emotional, they say am easy read that am sensitive, of lately thats all i hear from people about me and i guess after years of hiding my sensitivity to obstacles in life ,am getting rusty ever since i opened my self to my bf.
This is not me am a fighter, i refuse to be run by my emotion, right now i have reached my max an am ready to yell an scream at ppl, am feed up have hidin hw i feel to be respectful etc i am fucking going to be me. So fuck pretenders, fuck close minded […]
I don’t really know how to start this out seeing as i havn’t talked to anyone about this yet. I guess i’ll just start with i’ve been having suicidal thoughts lately and it wouldn’t be hard considering my dad has a gun license and has several guns in the basement in which i know how to load and use. I can honestly say i don’t love my mother. My father is the best dad i could ask for but my mother is not. My mother treats everyone like they’re dirt especially me. I can’t stand up to her because i have no where else to […]
so i have this best friend who knows everything about me… he means the world to me and he knows litterally everything about me and i think i know everything about him.
the other day i told him i self harmed (i have been doing it on and off since last september) and he knew i had done it in the past, but i promised him i would tell him before i would do it again. I didnt… and well lets just say he found out and i wish i never said anything.
he had threatened in the past to cut himself twice as hard, which caused […]
So I live in a house with my 2 parents and 3 younger sisters. I also have 2 older sisters, but my family broke a little while back and I am no longer allowed to talk to one of them. Somewhere in the midst of my family breaking, my relationship with my parents also broke. I can’t explain why, but I can’t talk to them. Any time they are around, I have absolutely no personality. I never show happiness, sadness, anger, anything. Only when they are around though, it is strange. When they are gone I have a huge personality, I’m funny and sarcastic, loud […]
I can’t actually remember how it started. I’m not sure if I can even call it depression. Most of my life I have been surrounded by control. I have been from place to place. My parents had me at 14 so things were crazy growing. I barely ever saw them. Now I live with my father because I have a mother who is going through problems I don’t like to talk about.
I let myself be controlled, and even if i want to, I cant stand up for myself. I’m 17, and in school I just some weird lesbian (I’m not lesbian but people […]
I don’t want to die, at least I don’t think I do. I just want to make that clear.
2 years ago I was cutting. Often. Almost everyday. I was angry and sad and angry at being sad. I didn’t know how to respond to these feelings, I pushed my mum away and I cut. Not very deep, but frequently, and over and over again in the same place Each fresh cut over a healing one The sight of that blood it helped.
Then i moved in with my dad and he caught me. I got better. I stopped. Every now and them I admired those fading […]
First of all, I want to preface this post by saying that, while my problem may not come close to some of the situations you might face each day, the emotional distress, uselessness and inadequacy I feel is just as intense.
I go to a private school, where the tuition is more than many colleges. Everyone at my school is going to become a doctor or a lawyer or a fundamental physicist. I don’t want to be any of these. All i want to do is teach elementary school. Â If that means that i can’t drive an audi or mercedes like my parents, thats fine. Everyday […]
Lifes ok. I got a job, I can drive, ive got family(somewhat) but yet at the end of the day I feel like a bag of SHIT! Every night O try to fight the urge to cut. Or burn or bruise or anything. But sometimes I slip. I dont want to live. I wish I could go back in time, and tell my mom not to fuck my dad, so I could have never been born. I wish there was an easy way out but honestly I don’t have the courage to kill myself. I want a painless way.. Then again life is painful, so […]
HAPPY FATHERS DAY.
Happy Fathers Day everyone! Well, today’s the day. The first Fathers Day without my dad. It’s kinda sad .. I’ve been trying not to think about it, because it’ll just hurt more. I still never found out how he died, I think someone’s hiding something from me. I don’t think autopsy’s take that long, does anyone agree? He’s been gone for about 8 months. Time flies! He was a drug addict. Always has been. He’s always gotten away with everything, & I believe in Karma honestly! Right around the time he died, he was trying to do the right thing. […]
IDK how to overcome with worthless feeling. I have a beautiful daughter and I was married to her dad. I am really pissed that I am stuck raising her alone. I have had a successful career that I choose to leave behind. Now I struggle everyday with bills, work and my 3yr old. There is not a day that goes by where i dont plot or plan my death. I always think of a way that wont affect my daughter because I would never want her to be hurt by my actions. I am extremely overwhelmed and I dont get my purpose. I know everyone […]