Ugh. What’s brought me here tonight. My blood is so heavy. I’m exhausted. Really been feeling the physical symptoms of depression for the last 2 weeks. I’ve had two attempts about 4 years ago. I will admit they were probably more a cry for help than anything else. I wanted…needed my pain to be seen and I chose a stupid way to do that. Both times were embarrassing. Hospital time and then 72 miserable hour holds. I swore to myself I’d never do it again unless I knew I could succeed, which leaves me in this really shitty position I’ve been in for awhile now. […]
…after a week of not seeing her turns into both of us crying in a bar while she tells me that she can’t promise me to be that person who builds a life with me, and that i deserve to be in a relationship where i’m a priority but that she loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. I come home and get on some dating pas to cruise since we’re poly anyway and there’s nothing better than drowning your sorrow in another person and this boy tells me “i can’t date someone who is basically taken.” Now i know I wouldn’t want to […]
Coming up on that date, August 30th, that night last year when I should have (and maybe actually did) die.
I still go back there often not to remember that night but for other reasons unrelated.
So what has happened in a year? I believe I am here for a reason. I found out some people care, some don’t. Overall, I could still be happy leaving this world,, although I have found someone to love, and someone I know loves me, which makes things different in a […]
I’ve already picked a date on when I’m going to kill myself. I decided I’ll do it by overdosing on nortriptyline. I have a total of 600mg and a bottle of red wine. Will that be enough? I’m afraid I’ll wake up paralyzed or brain damaged. I don’t want it to be a failed attempt. I hope it won’t be too painful.
Then I’m either gone, or I’ve gotten better and no longer use the site. I usually change this posts publish date so I haven’t been on for about a week, if you see this. I just want to thank all of you, for helping. And a special shout out to Shepard, keep on keeping on, soldier. I really do mean it when I say thank you. You’ve saved me from doing some really stupid things. And thanks for listening to me constantly complain about Alexis. Hope your leg gets better. Give them hell.
I had court today for my divorce proceedings. We reached an agreement whereby I will keep the house and my daughter will not be uprooted. I am willing to postpone my departure date of August 8 to see how things pan out.
I’ve got a date with a boy (it’s a miracle) but I don’t know when the appropriate time to talk about my depression is. Do I just throw it out there bc it’s such a big part of my life or do I wait?
so i had originally set up to post about “the date” a.k.a the day of my death. but my mind wandered off sexually and its a bit of a nuisance because then my mind got dredged up into old memories with people with whom would agree would have been better in the sense of different if there wasn’t any more human communication or even the thought of connecting
Step1: decide wether you want to live or not
Step2:
case1: if decision is to live: never ever think on suicide
case2: if decision is to suicide: fix a date, prepare things and go ahead with it.
step3: I think case 2 has less human suffering because suffering = your suicide date – your age
else suffering = 80 years – your age
i’ve finally decided to do it. the date will be april 30, after watching the new spiderman 🙂 it’s been a great 25 years of life, but the past two years have just been too much to deal with anymore. somebody told me to love myself, and in this sense, i feel like i am. at least i wont feel anymore pain, right?
i’ve decided to use the hibachi method, hopefully, i can find burning coals along the way.
hey, whoever you are, thanks for reading this. i’ve lost people to talk to. i didn’t want to bother my friends anymore, and my family will just label […]
I don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend so much, and I’ve told him so many times that I never want to hurt him, but that I know I will, and he just stays. I keep giving him chances to get out of the relationship, but he keeps saying that he’s staying. I’m still planning on killing myself, I haven’t picked a new date yet though. I don’t know what to do to make it hurt him less though. I feel bad because I know it’s going to be really hard on him, but I just can’t stay here much longer. I’ve waited […]
Im 25 and so lonely. I don’t have a job or many friends. I’ve never had a boyfriend or even been on a date. I sincerely think I’m super ugly. The last time someone told me I was pretty was on Myspace. So that was a long time ago. I’m chunky, have big feet, broad shoulders, and have dark skin where there shouldn’t be. I’ve tried lots of things to try to lighten it, but nothing had worked. I can’t wear low cut tops or short shorts. I don’t even feel like girl. I feel like this big disgusting monster. I honestly don’t think any […]
Can someone please explain to me why it’s ok for my ex to tell everyone he sees that he’s got a date coming up, but it’s wrong for me to say that a friend told me that I should consider thinking about the possibility of maybe dating again? I’m glad my ex has a date, maybe he’ll finally leave me alone, other than that, I don’t really care too much. What bugs me though, is after saying that I might CONSIDER thinking about dating, he throws a fit and says that I think he’s worthless, and I never cared and blah blah blah. Is it […]
A vast majority if my life as been spent sedate. Â This may seem like a bad thing. Perhaps it has stifled my coping mechanism. Either way the reality I the situation is this. when I was 16 I attempted Suicide. My parents foun me my stomach was pumped an I spent 9 weeks in the mental ward at the hospital, as long as another 5 months at a day treatment program. Truthfully at that time I wanted help. it seemed to me the more that I tried to use the services around me. The worse I really was, or the worse the people overseeing me […]
Last week I felt pretty bad, and for some reason I asked my crush of a couple years ago why she didn’t like me. I know, stupid. But anyways, turns out her cousin which I knew as well had a crush on me and that’s why she wouldn’t date me, because she didn’t want to upset her cousin. Wtf? I mean, girls never like me, that’s like general knowledge. And this one damn time it actually happens, it ruins everything. Not that I would want to blame her cousin, she cant control it as much as I cant. But why? Am I so unlucky? Is […]
Hello…First and foremost, I sincerely apologise for having another post already. It is probably quite rude to post again so soon, but so far this isn’t a great night and I just need to talk to someone. Again, I apologise and realise that it is rather rude to post twice within one night.
So I got finished talking with Her, and she says that I should date my close friend mentioned in my other post from tonight. She says that my friend could give me the affection and attention I want, and she says she can’t provide either of those, even if she wanted to. I […]
My date is coming up. It’s in May. I haven’t really decided on a method yet but I know I don’t want anyone from my family to find me. I just know how the rest of my life plays out now and it doesn’t seem important to go through the day to day living. I’ll most likely die at work in my 50’s from a heart attack or stroke. My kids will be in college so my wife will have to struggle with the money because my life insurance is only good until I am 50. I figure if I eat a bullet now they […]
I have a plan.
I have a date.
I have the materials.
All I need is the courage.
I think I’m finally going to do it. Been depressed for too long. I’m 31 year old gorgeous woman with no kids but it doesn’t seem to matter. Every guy I date leaves me for some reason. The last guy I went out with left me because I’m a bartender for a living. Even though I make great money he doesn’t think I have a future. I’m sick of seeing all my friends getting engaged. I’m sick of everyone moving forward with their lives but me. I feel like a worthless loser who will be alone forever. I’m too depressed to try to change it. […]
have you already chosen a date ?
april 15th or 16th for me ..
my mom (04/06) and cousin (04/11) birthdays are coming up and I don’t want to fuck it up for them .. after the 11th, I’ll have ran out of concern for people feelings .. they’re grown enough to grasp I cannot contribute to their well-being when I’m dead inside and have become very negative .. it’s funny because if I had a child, I’m not sure I’d have considered suicide as an option till (s)he’s at least 20 .. anyway: death, life, politics, religion, fuck all of it
give me death or […]
Older Posts