Tag:

deeper

I Am A Bottle

by InhalingAnxiety 11/18/2015

written by InhalingAnxiety

Before, I would fill with emotions until I could no longer hold anymore. When it would become too much, I would overflow and spill to whoever would sit long enough for me to empty.

Now, I expand for my surroundings. Once I have reached the brim, I become deeper to allow more issues to pour in. I am a bottomless bottle. I am no longer required to open up. It is not a necessity to empty, since there is always room for more. I am sealed.

Even if I become too full to carry on, I’m not sure I even know how to create a small leak to lighten […]

11/18/2015 2 comments

Tearless Cry

by coldredheart 11/13/2015

written by coldredheart

Sitting alone
In this empty room
Crying tears from the pit of,my doom
I promised before that I would stop
But the pain of my heart just ignores that stop.
Holding that razor in my hand,
Is the only way I can feel safe
In this land.
Heartless
Worthless
Mantra I say in my head,
no one will love you,
She says.
Blood streams down
down my leg
weight is lifted.from.my head
Just cut,
Deeper and deeper until
Yes I can feel no more pain.
My eyes close and
there is no more room for me to stay

11/13/2015 0 comment

The Day I lost My Soul

by arsenic666 11/2/2015

written by arsenic666

I lost my soul when these two men came by on a Halloween night. I wasn’t afraid to walk alone, searching for some bathroom maybe close by the festival. They appeared out of no where and grabbed me in the corner of an isolated dead-end. The first one held a knife at my neck, telling me that if I made any sound, my life would end.

I lost my soul that night. Their filthy hands all over me, in my shirt, between my legs, in my pants. Their breath was smelling like alcohol and vomit. I tried to close my eyes so that I could maybe […]

11/2/2015 17 comments

Does it rain all day????

by No_one_care 10/27/2015

written by No_one_care

Today has been one of the most emotional day of my life. I have never felt so useless..and alone. I realize everybody comes in my life when they need something. I want to die. I want to die. I already feel mental pain. Physical pain is what i need. Something to say you’re in control…stop…go…deeper. I HATE MY LIFE. There’s nothing that make me want to fight to live. I’m sorry.

10/27/2015 4 comments

What is wrong with me?

by PineBapple 10/12/2015

written by PineBapple

I have been spiralling deeper and deeper into depression for several years now. Depression feels like a bottomless pit that I was shoved into, I never wanted to be depressed but now that I am here I have accepted it.

I have been spiralling deeper and deeper into depression for several years now. Depression feels like a bottomless pit that an impossible love shoved me into, I never wanted to love her but now that I do I have accepted it.

I have been edging closer and closer to suicide for several years now. Suicide seems like an escape from the eternal depression I feel, I did […]

10/12/2015 3 comments

How not to share.

by Thatothersmightlive 10/3/2015

written by Thatothersmightlive

So I haven’t written in this blog for a while. Why? During my time away from this my depth of depression sunk deeper as I found that the world around me continue to push me aside, saying I was no longer physically able to work in my chosen fields. And since I was not working, that ment my knowledge of those fields was no longer of value.So it was best, they said in unspoken words, that I sit at home and wait to die.
So that’s what happened, but as I sat at home in physical pain from my chronic illness and the emotional pain […]

10/3/2015 2 comments

Silence is Golden

by Heartwellx 9/29/2015

written by Heartwellx

I’m beginning to lose my voice; not through a health condition or illness but because everything I say is meaningless…no one listens and I know deep down I’m not worth the time. I’m not funny and I say idiotic things, you’re suppose ignore stupidity right? I guess it makes sense now. I’ve been feeling like this hole in my chest getting deeper and deeper and I know it’ll eventually eat right through me till I’m completely erased. And to be honest, it relieves me. Maybe someday soon I’ll actually work up the courage to finally do it. It just gets so lonely.

It hasn’t […]

9/29/2015 5 comments

Birthday Blues

by AarinaDaae 9/9/2015

written by AarinaDaae

This is the first year where I will not have a family to celebrate my birthday with. I’ve received a card in the mail every single year from my parents, respectively, and this year, I won’t get that. I won’t get anything. Not that I need to receive something for my birthday but I’ll be completely alone.

The cuts of the one group of people who are supposed to love me no matter what are deeper than any knife or blade. What am I to do?

I can already feel my soul ripping apart. It’s going to hurt and it’s going to cause me to slip even […]

9/9/2015 2 comments

Constantly sh*t on

by disgusting 9/9/2015

written by disgusting

Why did I even fucking keep trying to find a place to live because now I do have some place to go and I’m just going to disappoint more people when I kill myself in the near future! Now it’s back to being him more than my being homeless. I can’t even talk to him without him finding some way to push me away and dig the knife in deeper like he wants to fucking hurt me all the time!! He can’t just leave it alone and be my friend. he has to constantly push me away and dismiss my feelings as not real and […]

9/9/2015 4 comments

Her Blacks Crackle and Drag….

by Gwenythtotalwaste 8/18/2015

written by Gwenythtotalwaste

I take this title from one of Sylvia Plath’s final poems before her own suicide. The Phrase Crackle and Drag to me implies an afterimage, like when you watch the television screen and shut your eyes. You see phantasmagoria looming in your vision. This is what I hope to accomplish by my death. I want my loved ones to know that there is no malice nor ill-will in this action; I want them to know that I love them with a love that cannot be quantified; an immeasurable love deeper and wider than even I can believe. It Becomes more apparent as the moment approaches. […]

8/18/2015 0 comment

Has anyone ever heard of DSBM? Or Depressive Suicidal Black Metal?

by wndozh8er 8/13/2015

written by wndozh8er

i think it’s beautiful. It’s a deeper genre of black metal that seems to fit right in with how I’m feeling. If you wanna take a listen I’ll give you an example of my favorite – http://youtu.be/6YedXRq3Pbo / http://youtu.be/FWWCiZ0lLOo / http://youtu.be/xRYyCBoKslE

8/13/2015 2 comments

Mysterious Misery

by KissOfDeath 8/11/2015

written by KissOfDeath

It’s mysterious,
the day you change,
suddenly feelings are engulfed by darkness,
and it feels as if you’re carrying a darker shadow than usual.

You wonder if people notice,
but you don’t think they can,
until you get that one person who says “Why are you so different all the time now?”
and you realize that everyone has noticed,
they’ve just been too polite to say anything.

You curse yourself,
but how could this be your fault?
This isn’t something you wanted,
this isn’t something you can change.
You swallow down the pills,
that numb your brain, feelings,
yourself.
To please you parents, your family, your […]

8/11/2015 1 comment

I’m tired of trying so hard and failing

by goingnumb 8/9/2015

written by goingnumb

Every time I just crash into a deeper depression

8/9/2015 2 comments

Sobering up unfortunately, still no validation

by wndozh8er 8/1/2015

written by wndozh8er

Welp I wanted more alcohol but my Aunt the Conqorer said no! I had to get 1 12 pack of cooers motherfucking light. Since alcohol is the only thing that brings me joy, it’s very important to me to get drunk off my ass at least once a week. She is also controlling my xanex intake, which I use to sublimement for alcohol,

I tried to explain to her that I no longer want to live and gave up. I told her this many times before. She said, “well if you would have killed yourself in 2009, you would never have met your wife”. Well she’s […]

8/1/2015 25 comments

cutting

by sulger 7/25/2015

written by sulger

so i started to cut myself. My sister found out and wanted to talk to me. She asked me why do i do it and i couldnt tell her…i couldnt tell her that the pain from cuts makes me forget about my mental pain, it also kind of feels good. i just told her “i dont know” and kept quiet. I promised her not to do it anymore, but i couldnt keep that promise. Instead, I now have scars on my legs. Much deeper scars. and it helps.

7/25/2015 4 comments

Holding Mom’s hand

by bayareaguy 7/21/2015

written by bayareaguy

Part of my ongoing journey includes long periods of insomnia. Since the last prolonged period, a couple of weeks ago, I am finding a bit more rest, or have been able to find a deeper sleep for a few hours at a time.

Mom died in April 2013. For those who don’t know, following all of my heart related trauma and becoming disabled, I had been her companion/caregiver for the last 2.5 years of her life. The two of us lived alone in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada, halfway between Sacramento and Lake Tahoe, as her dementia worsened.

I miss her so much. I often joke […]

7/21/2015 4 comments

Vocal Valhalla Will Be My Nirvana

by kills 7/20/2015

written by kills

Tonight. Tonight of all nights I feel it. It haunts me. The presence. My trachea’s shadow. My personal emotional python of darkness asphyxiating my throat chakra with deep blue sorrow. I’ve felt it my whole life. Hence eternal. But on day seems like eternity trapped in this anatomical sarcophagus. Living, breathing; I don’t know what that’s like. The deeper it gets the less control I have over any of it. Scared doesn’t cut it but then again, terrified doesn’t slice it either.

Like a furball of the most vile, putrid emotion all encased, locked and trapped in my throat. Unable to express so it depresses […]

7/20/2015 4 comments

It’s not enough.

by lulereign 6/26/2015

written by lulereign

I never believed when people said cutting was an addiction. But now it’s just not enough. I used to do baby cuts – just little ones – but a few of them at a time. They were small enough to go unnoticed even though I still wear short sleeved clothes. I didn’t want anything to be too obvious to people, but recently I’m noticing the are getting more inflamed and irritated – it kinda stands out too much.

Also I’ll admit I was scared of the pain. Initially that tiny pinprick was enough, but now it doesn’t hurt ENOUGH anymore. I want to cut deeper, but […]

6/26/2015 1 comment

Is help needed?

by brokenredbutterfly 5/26/2015

written by brokenredbutterfly

I lied to my parents about having suicidal thoughts and carrying on self harming. Should I come clean because they are getting worse I keep taking pills and cutting and I feel its going to get worse. Should I go doctors? Or maybe counseling? I dunno what to do I feel myself fading away everyday a bit more :‘( I haven’t been able to speak to anyone 🙁 I’m going into a deeper depression and no one is caring about it 🙁 I feel like one day everyone will care when it is too late :‘(

5/26/2015 3 comments

My day

by Harlot.Rebel 5/19/2015

written by Harlot.Rebel

he only time I’m at peace is when I’m sleep. Every day is a struggle just to live now shouldn’t that be simple?? it takes hours to calm my mind down after I’m at the point to where if I cut any deeper ima have to crazy glue it closed to slow down the bleeding..Yea I do that sometimes..It burns like shit but it works. I hate being depressed all the fucking time

5/19/2015 1 comment

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