My first memory was when I was three, I was in a store and running from my father, I had this little pony tail, and my dad grabbed it and pulled me back, slamming the back of my head onto the ground. I don’t remember anything after that… and then the next memory I remember is when I was at this “Mental Hospital” I was about 5 years old, and had just woken up inside this room, there was no padding, there was a vinyl floor, everything was white or close to it, there was no toilet, no sink, no bed, no cot, no pillow, […]
Tag:
Depression
I tried being perfect for everyone but, always fell short, nothing I did was ever enough, even when I’d drive myself beyond insanity trying to be perfect, it just was never enough. I started realizing that no one will ever love me thanks to my mom having had abandoned me to face my overly abusive father alone, unwanted, and always getting used as a punching bag, I hated myself more and more because, I believed that my suffering was punishment from god, for things I have done and will do. And after years of my father beating into my skull that it was my fault […]
So, I never thought i’d be trying to talk to people online for advise but here goes nothing… Iv’e been with many women trying to find that one girl and all of my relationships have never really lasted long because I just emotionally refuse to fully give myself to someone until my last relationship. I hope you won’t judge but my last relationship was online in an online game me and my friend used to play and I met this girl, she was really nice and I was getting in to her and I could feel she liked me and just when I was getting […]
I’ve decided I’m going to make my exit. Not tonight, not in the near future. But the sands of time are trickling. It was around this time last year (oct/nov) that my moderate depression took a sudden darker turn. It was like a switch went off. It was a sudden emotionless matter-of-fact realization: I have nothing to live for. Nothing, truly. I have a husband who loves me dearly, but you simply can’t live for other people. This time last year I made the decision… but how? where? Planning is crucial, not only because I don’t want a failed attempt. I’ve felt out of control […]
Some people say that the reason I suffer from depression is because I suffer from an inability to see myself for who I really am. In some ways, I think they’re right; I do have a tendency to not see myself clearly. Although, to be honest with you, in some ways they are absolutely wrong. I started out life with a bright hope. Unfortunately though, early on in my life, I was hurt very badly by parents who made a willing and conscious choice to love themselves more than they loved me. This has permanently scarred me. I have walked through the last 17-odd years of […]
I am a 14 year old teenager, depressed and suicidal. I know this may sound stupid but does anyone know any pills that will make me pass out if I overdose? I am not exactly trying to kill myself, just a way of revealing my pain to my parent without having to actually talk to them, but let’s just say I wouldn’t care if I died overdosing.
I know I will receive lots of “don’t do this” “you don’t deserve life” and “you’re worth it” but I don’t believe any of that. I hate my life and myself so much, I don’t think anything or anyone […]
I have been cutting for about three months now. I cut my wrists, legs and stomach. I have been very good at hiding them, at least I thinks so, but now I have a problem. I’m sick therefore not going to school and left alone at home for the day. My mom’s friend is a doctor and my mom asked her to come over and check upon me, find out why I’m sick and how to recover. I’m so scared that the doctor is going to make me undress, because I’ve been to doctors loads of times before I started self harming and many times […]
I really need someone to listen to my story and my feelings. I am in a position where I can really get the help I need and don’t really have anyone to talk to. Even if I did, there are some things I can’t really tell them.
This is really long, but it would really save me if someone can read it and respond…and maybe talk to me.
So, I am just going to pour out my feelings here. A lot of what I write will be vague, because I can’t divulge my identity (I’ll explain why later.)
Recently I’ve felt very suicidal for a lot of reasons. […]
Well, I am in my final year of my studies. I somehow managed to scrape through the first 3 years but I honestly I don’t know how. This is my 4th year and I have no clue what I have been doing. For 4 years I have not progressed at all. Apart from going to lectures, I spend all my time in my room watching anime, reading or playing games. I have suffered chronic depression for as long as I can remember as well as social anxiety. I hated school beyond words, the worst part about school was break time. I never had anyone to […]
Mistakes, it’s all I seem capable of at times.
Everybody make mistakes. it’s a part of learning. Right? Then why do you always keep on criticizing me? I mean, Stop it. If you can’t say anything nice then shut it. How am I supposed to do something right when all I hear about me is everything wrong??? Just because I try to ignore what you say and don’t react furiously, that doesn’t mean you can say whatever you want. Be sure to taste your words, before you spit them out. Some people will never understand that. And trust me, those people are so gonna regret it.
I’m new here.. I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot lately. I don’t know..nothing seems right. People say that they care, but they don’t show it. Why do people say stuff, which they don’t mean? I’m just 20.. I haven’t started living yet…and end is just so near. :/
I’m afraid…not afraid of dying but afraid of hurting people. My mother keep saying that, I wish you were never born.. I don’t feel anything anymore. I feel numb but most of the time it’s just emptiness.
No energy. No will. So tired. All the things I used to enjoy seem just a faded memory. Over the last two years, I’ve isolated myself and withdrawn from anyone I cared about and who cared about me. I’ve no one to tell, that I want to burden. They shouldn’t have to put up with a middle-aged knob who’s quit living. I can’t tell my dad, as it would be the crowing achievement as a failure in his eyes. My sister and I aren’t close. To her I’ve always been selfish and irresponsible. My best friend…more like a brother really, I’d just be ashamed to […]
Something bad happened again and i thought i was dealing okay with it but i just realized i havent eaten in a little over a week, and only small portions of junk food if i have, and only gotten three hours of sleep. But i cant manage to give a shit, part of me’s hoping no one will notice and let me die this time. Not sure if its really worth caring about either way, it would be nice to stop feeling so shitty and worthless
I’m 21, a female and I’m living with my mom. My parents are seperated. I choose to stay inside my room all the time. I am an emotional roller coaster, I cannot contain my emotions, they’re always all over the place. I don’t know why but I hate myself for not being able to control how I should feel.
I am scared of my future, I’m scared of failing so much in life on my own, worse than how I am failing right now, living under my parent’s supervision.
I suck at relationships. My first boyfriend who I had a relationship for 6 years cheated on me. […]
Wow I haven’t been on here for awhile probably because it wasn’t helping much but it felt good to let my thoughts out haha…..anyswirls I’m still suicidal….thinking of committing suicide today actually. Not sure if I am going to though, I can see myself doing it but I’m not really sure if I can you know? I mean it’s not like everyone wants to die , it’s just I get to the point of where it feels like I do. Hmm I don’t make sense. But anyswirls it’s been …a tough week I guess. The guy I like ( oh god no not a […]
I’m new and don’t really know how to do this so I’ll just keep it simple.
I have been battling the devil known as ‘chronic major depression’ since high school (I am now 22), social anxiety, and eating disorders. Last year I was at my lowest. Almost put a gun to my head twice before I scared myself and decided to try some help. I saw a counselor for maybe two weeks before I gave up going cause she didn’t seem professional, I was being a huge burden to my parents with the money and the worry, and she made me stay away when she […]
I remember everything that day.. the fight, the feelings of apathy from people who I thought cared about me, and the last song I heard before I went into my coma. The day started out normal with the exception of me waking up late and having to take a quick shower before class. My roommate made it well-known that she was pretty irritated by my actions because she wouldn’t even speak to me the entire day. I tried to ignore it, but the caring person I am tried to fix whatever she was upset about. When I came home, she was downstairs and I knew […]
Today was the day that I was supposed to die, but I have failed once again. All week I have been getting my affairs in order, and I was finally ready to depart from this world. I woke up, went to my one and only class, and left class feeling completely and utterly at ease, and at peace with what I was about to do. My letter was written, I had said my goodbyes, I was ready. I drove home from class, and started tearing up a little bit in the car, but that quickly subsided when I realized that everything […]
Hello all. I am new to the website. Recently I’ve had depressive moments to the point in where I wanted to leave the world. I was ready to overdose today, but I felt guilty when it came to thinking about leaving my boyfriend and friends. I convinced myself that I have to die, in order to end the suffering and bad thoughts. But alas, here I am. I hate being alive. We are to be in charge of our own lives yet we can’t take it away…hmmm.
I have recurrent depression and am on antidepressants and in therapy. I am married but my husband has just left me in my own when he knows I am feeling very bad today I cannot face getting dressed/eating or answering the phone. I have just returned from a 10 day holiday which was lovely but now I am home I just want to end it I cannot go on with this illness anymore I cannot face going back to work, I have been off sick now for 10 weeks, I am not getting better. Why oh why won’t this hideous illness lift and give me […]