I’ve been feeling depressed for a while now, basically for the last 10 years or so. Really the one person who has kept me from thinking about suicide, and who got me to stop cutting has been my girlfriend for the last four years. A couple days ago she tried to tell me that things weren’t really working out, and basically she thought it would be best if we took a break from being in a relationship. At the time she made a convincing argument, basically saying neither of us has time, effort, or financial stability to deal with a relationship. I’m under the impression […]
I just came out to my Dad tonight. I did not plan that at all. Came up totally unexpected. He came to talk to me because he noticed I was depressed and struggling and eventually things led to wanting to come out to him. I was so scared. I knew it was something I needed to do though. It took me so long to get it out. He’s a super conservative Catholic…so you can see why I would be scared shitless. He took it surprisingly calmly. But I don’t feel the relief I wish I had felt. I still feel like he doesn’t fully accept […]
I’m surprised that people responded to my post about wanting to die probably because I’m used to being ignored when I need help the most. That’s right – ignored. It’s called growing up with a depressed, emotionally distant mother who was too preoccupied with her own problems to give her baby girl the nurturing and love she needed. Sneer if you want. Whatever. I don’t give a fuck. I’ve spent years in therapy, group therapy, on medications, making crazy, fucked up choices that intellectually I could not defend or understand yet I acted on anyway. I finally, finally put it all together: not enough of […]
I was doing better. I didn’t want to die for a couple of days. You know, I had a documentary about depression to start on, I scheduled classes for senior year of college, I spent time with friends that I love. Then I see a stupid Easter status that mentions the dickhead who broke my heart, and I’m snapped back to reality. I’m a nobody. The one person in my life who has ever claimed to truly love me never did. He said it himself that it was all fake. Why was I so stupid? I actually thought for a bit that maybe I was […]
I suffer from PTSD, OCD, and bipolar II. I’m also a FtM transgender person. My father died in 2009; I was only 20 and was his next of kin and had to to everything relate to the burial.
It took a toll on me. I didn’t even tell my doctor until 2010, when he put me on antidepressants.
The medication works, for the most part. But sometimes, my depression creeps back up again. It did that two years ago. I had pills stashed, I was ready to do it…
But then an anonymous person commented on a blog post of mine. It was just the first public post […]
I have missed three psychiatry appointments because I don’t want someone to tell me I’m depressed nor do I want to believe in the existence of depression. (Which is a damn contradiction cause I’m a psych major and I know it does). I don’t want pills. I don’t want to talk about how I feel. The furthest I ever got to getting help was to the door of my psychiatrist’s office. I freaked out and left. I’m doing a half-ass job in everything. My GPA went down wayyy low. Money, my biggest motivator doesn’t even wake me up in the morning for work anymore. Guess […]
I’m relatively new to this site, but thought I’d take my turn to publish a post. The reason I’m on here tonight is because I am really struggling at the moment. I am really having strong urges to end my life. I don’t want to kill myself, yet I don’t want to continue living this life that I have created for myself. Very contradicting sentence, isn’t it? I just feel so alone. And I know isolation plays a big part in it, but even with people I still feel incredibly alone. I hate myself so much. I hate my body and my mind. I wish […]
I feel like maybe I can actually do something for the good. I try to make everyone happy but at the end of the day I’m not. I feel bad for getting angry with myself for stuff I can’t control. Maybe I will wake up tomorrow with a smile on my face and feel better. I can only hope. I hope everyone is doing good tonight.
i am a kamikaze pilot my target is the USS depression i will sink the ship and free my soul from my body and free myself of this world.
I had my first boyfriend when I was fourteen. I made a mistake by trusting him, loving him, thinking he really loved me. I introduced him to my mum, who was cool about it.
But then he tried to rape me. I got away, but it was too late, he already had taken pictures of me topless. I am not getting them back.
I did not know it right away, but one day, I thought erase my mistake, rub it off, get it over with, so I messaged him on MSN, telling him what would happen if anyone knew of that day. Then he used […]
A close friend of mine did something similar to this on his page so I decided to try it too. The difference is I guess my suicidal thoughts and low self esteem started long before online friends or dating.
I grew up in a family of eight plus. We did foster care for two kids so there was sometimes an extra girl in the house. I was always biologically the oldest though. If you’ve grown up in a big family, then you probably understand where I’m coming from when I say it’s like survival of the fittest. And when the three oldest siblings are you […]
I go through these periods of withdrawal, when all I can seem to do is stare at the wall or refresh internet pages.  Other times I just feel sick or exhausted or down in some other way that I can’t explain.  I don’t seem to care about anything anymore.  Today I began a journal entry: About a year from now, I will graduate from  college.  In a little over a year, I hope to be dead.  I have a plan, which is imperfect: I want to disappear without ever being found.  I want my family to think I’m somewhere, alive, so that they don’t suffer. […]
Last night was just an all around bad night. My girlfriend needed to go to the hospital and I offered to go with her, but she said “no” because I need to sleep for school, understandable. And then my boyfriend said he will go with and she jumped at the idea which honestly just bugged the shit out of me. I mean, how in the world did it make sense that she only wanted him with her. I just was so mad. And then again I was bothered because they just automatically assumed I will watch their 2 year old daughter. And yes, I know […]
Well, I am here now, after I couldn’t figure out where to go finally I found this site, and I hope this is gonna help me.Â
I had severe depression for two and a half-three years. My story started when I turned four or five, my brother started to act weird. First he was hurting me all the time, he was nine at the time, but it was okay, this is no big deal between siblings. I was always the type of kid who is playing alone and trying to stay out of trouble. My brother started to fight with my parents, first it wasn’t […]
Hello, everybody.
I’m not in the best of mindsets at the moment. All I can think about is Suicide.
I know that I probably shouldn’t be but today I realised something.
Nobody wants me here.
I haven’t been diagnosed with any sort of mental health issue but I know that I’m severely depressed. This upsets me more.
I’ve been in denial for so long. I lied to my loved ones. I’ve cut, bruised, hurt myself to the point where I don’t know who I am anymore.
I wish that things were different [like everybody else] but wishful thinking will never get me anywhere.
My thoughts aren’t […]
A while back my aunt took me to a therapist, for my depression.She then took me to a lady who prescribed medication!God, I was so freaking mad, still am a bit peeved.Since hen my depression and anorexia have only gotten worse,I have stated previously that nothing will help but she didn’t listen and now its progressed to a stage where I’m slowly turning into a vegetable (medical term).Also you might not think this but I’m 13 and my life has completely fallen to pieces.If you want to know the full story then look at my other posts but even then you wont know the full […]
The strangest and weirdest thing about recovery is comparing who you are now to who you were before. It is also one of the most amazing and yet bitter-sweet and almost heartbreaking things.
About a year ago, the suicidal thoughts fully took hold of me, they’d been there for a year or maybe more, but I’d been preoccupied with various other things and hadn’t really given the idea of taking my own life very much thought. But for whatever reason, last March I became completely filled with a desire to fall off the face of this earth. To begin with, it was a case of wanting […]
It’s an oxymoron; I know. Because by definition a suicide note is representative of something horrible, and the word perfect means lacking in flaws or defects: so you really cannot have a perfect suicide, can you? I don’t know if it’s possible or not. But I want to come as close as I can. My name is Rachel. I am seventeen years old. Some might say I have my whole life ahead of me, but one day really soon, I am going to commit suicide. What follows is a draft of my suicide note. Read it. Comment. Help me make it perfect.
If you are reading this, […]
I was born on December 16th 1998 into a loving supportive family, I don’t know how I ended up like this.
My mother was a tattoo artist, and my father a truck driver. They were too busy when I was a child to take care of me, so I had to go to daycare. The first time I was called a bad name was in that daycare. Ever since that day I’ve never forgotten everything I’ve ever been called. And that was also when the nightmares started. I don’t know if they were interconnected, or whether I just made it all up to get over it, […]
Nobody WANTS to understand.
Society’s just a big shambles.
Everybody cares when you’re dead.
What’s the point?!
“Can the lonely take the place of you?”
I’ll forever be fine in your eyes. I don’t hurt. I don’t cry. I don’t cut my skin. I don’t want to die. I’m not unhappy.
I don’t think about killing myself every single moment of every single day.