I understand that it seems like I just want to kill myself or whatever when a guy is  mean to me, but that’s just part of it. I’m already right at the edge. I’ve gone through seeing people die since I was 4. I didn’t understand it then, but I did at 8, when my grandpa died. He died right in front of me. Of course, that messed me up. Then I only had one grandparent, because my other grandpa had pretty much disowned my family after the death of my grandma on my mom’s side (the death when I was 4). So all I […]
I loved my brother so much but he won’t come back and it was my fault. Since I was such a kid I was always alone, I hadn’t any friends, what a shame for a kid.. then I grow up and things didn’t change. I have a really big anxiety and I can’t help it, I’m even taking pills but I can’t say a word at school, people laugh of me, they hate me. I feel so much pain. However at least my brother was always with me, by my side…as a real friend. He meant everything to me. 7 months ago he died of […]
my depression started when i was nine i figured out what had happend to me i was sexually assulted by parents i was put in foster care adopted into a family that is the reason of my pain and cutting and suicidal thoughts and many attempts they hate me they hate the way i dress my music everything about me they basically call me an attention seeking whore and when i cut i feel nothing and death hasnt taken my soul yet simply because i do not have one worth taking i feel like im drowning but not dying this is slow and painful life […]
Honestly I don’t know where to start… Recently I’ve realized I’m depressed. I just feel so empty inside. Like I’m moving through the motions day by day. My family doesn’t or can’t understand what I’m going through. They’re all wrapped up in their own problems, and I’m not willing to become a nuisance to them. It feels like years since I’ve been thinking about dying. Just jumping off my roof one day, or drowning myself. But until recently it didn’t dawn on me that I wanted to commit suicide. I have lots of people in my life that love me, and would hate it if […]
So, I have this doctor’s appointment tomorrow.
I’ll try to explain this briefly:
Initially I made this appointment to try and get adderall/ritalin to be able to focus while studying – cus my concentration is zero, for a long time now.
Then, I realized I need to bring up my sleeping problems, cus it’s getting really bad, I can’t sleep, even with sleeping pills, and as last week I was sleeping 16hours, this week I’m sleeping about 4hours. It’s getting weird.
Now, I’m wondering if I should mention the depression (obviously I won’t talk about the suicidal thoughts). I was doing some research and adderall/ritalin apparently is sometimes used […]
I’ve read that depression is based on self-loathing.
I’ve never experienced sober happiness the way others seem to. Â Looking back on my life, the parts that I think of as happiness are brief moments of relief from this always-present guilt that seems to hover over my head. Â When it briefly lifts once in awhile, that’s happiness to me. Â It makes me feel lonely too, and I wonder if others ever suffer from the same thing.
I wondered if I’ve been hating myself. Â It’s true that I don’t like myself, but “hate?” Â That seemed a little too harsh. […]
Hey guys. I guess I’m here to vent. That’s all this really is, but I need it regardless. I’m a pretty popular guy at school. A junior in high school. I get along with everyone, but I just can’t seem to be happy. I have absolutely no ambition. I have no will to live, and I have no will to succeed. I go to school. I get along. I make jokes. People laugh at my jokes. I go home. I don’t talk to my parents. My pride has ruined our respective relationships, but I don’t regret it. My pride is one of the only things […]
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/k4Swt8PrARNg0y3eLCF(watch at 7:52)
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/k5uCWuDBDzrhu63eLCM
I was watching  show of how a singer overcame her depression, I found it inspiring because she talked of how she tried new things like, reading and drawing and was able to express herself. If you would like to watch it check the links above
13 months ago My Ex-girlfriend of 3+ years broke up with me for another guy.
When your in a relationship for a long time you become disillusioned, you forget that what you and your partner say to each other is just a thing of the moment really. “I will always love you forever”. You forget that things can change quiet easily.
I was pretty devastated at the time and couldn’t get past it.
For the next 9+ Â months I would be moping around, thinking about her and wishing things would have worked out differently.
For a while I was convincing myself that she was simply […]
Drastic Actions
I’d heard countless stories on the news about how kids my age had tragically taken their own lives. Nobody had ever noticed the warning signs they said, the parents thought that their sweet daughter was perfect, that she had no problems, when in reality she had more problems than most. I never understood why no one had ever noticed the signs or, if someone did, why they hadn’t cared enough to tell someone. I always thought that if I felt this way my family would notice; my friends would tell someone, my teachers would be worried about a change in my […]
I cannot WAIT till im a adult. Then i’ll just be as far as possible from my home and my family. Now before i go on my rant, let me just say no, i dont have a physically abusive family, no are my parents divorced nor are they dead, sick or drug addicts. They just treat me like woman were treated in the 1940’s. No rights. No freedom. They were OBLIGED to stay home and work, things like that. Well that’s how I am treated. I have been occasionally depressed for a while now. (my depressive bouts usually last between hours to a week). Anyway, […]
The curse
placed long ago upon my head
To bear the weight of the world
On a rope tied round my neck
To always look back at what has happened and live it again today
To have no hope for tomorrow
to feel nothing but sorrow
to hate every aspect of my day.
To see my scars and fight the powers that drive me to make more
To find the bottle and decide not to drink every last drop it stores
To hear the words that others say and push them all away, lest they end up on my arm.
To split my mind and want to live yet long to die
To do so wrong yet […]
My depression is getting bad again and I want to die. I have severe social anxiety so i have no one to talk to. I can’t go to school because I am so depressed. I literally cannot even leave my bed. When I miss a week of school none of my classmates notice that i was ever gone. No one acknowledges my existance now, but i can almost guarentee that if i killed myself, the people at my school would act like its so tragic and “i was such a beautiful person.” i hate society, i hate people and i want to die. Today my […]
Trapped in the home of people who refuse to understand, who think my depression is hiding something, who think I’m lazy rather than my depression is debilitating.
I could take every type of med, go to every type of therapy, I could have sunshine coming out every orifice. It would make no difference.
Why? Because my problem isn’t me, its my mother. My mother is a cold, venomous, uncaring nag. She does not believe that depression is a mental illness, but instead views it as a weakness of the mind. She has mild dysthymia at worst and thinks she is the authority on depression. I doubt she has experienced a […]
I’m certain I’m not the only 24 year old out there with a depression issue but I’d like to try and figure this out. I am relativly successful. I recently got out of the military and started college and am going to try and get into the nursing program. I had a lot of issues when I was around 16/17 with depression. Then I got better then again when I was 19 and living alone. I joined the military shortly there after and was fine until the extreme amount of stress was too much to handle any more after 3.5 years. Now i am here […]
The small criss cross across my wrist
Nobody notices
Nobody cares
The small criss cross across my wrist
I want the the relief
I need the relief
Of the small criss cross across my wrist
I’ve been having a lot of self-esteem and confidence issues lately and I’ve even found it hard to express myself on here because I was too critical of myself and held back on what I want to say so I feel like I need to write because I need to be honest with myself. I feel like I’ve formed a personality from it because I never got over the bullying and now I believe all the things people said about me to be true and it’s hard to get over after believing it for so long and I don’t believe the people  who say that […]
I was never a religious person nor am I now but I often think that I am stuck in hell. “Hell on earth” , hell of depression , loss , memories , feeling like I am speaking in a foreign language because people may hear me but they DON’T understand me so I resort to silence then there is the heartbreak , the feeling like your heart is literally being broken into two and the thoughts come and they are anything but organised.. I am left angry and exhausted. I think , this is what he must of felt like and I had no idea. […]
Hey everybody, I’ve been here off and on for a month or two. First off, I’ve met a lot of really good people on here. I think most of us SP users are really soft hearted and it’s easy to click with other people here. I don’t know why I’m writing this because I’ve made up my mind and I’m not looking for support or crying out for help. Hopefully someone out there that also feels like shit will read it and maybe get something out of it.
I’ve lost 3 people this year and my cat that I had for 7 years (I count that […]
my life is one that i have come to consider utterly pointless. i never finished school (due to vicious bullying) so had no qualifications. my depression stopped me from completing collage courses that i have tried three times to do. i am considered unemployable due to my lack of qualifications and experience, so i’ve never had a job.
i cant even get a job scrubbing shit off toilets
so for the past 4 years i have been confined to a house that i share with my partner. i haven’t a friend in the world. (mostly due to the fact that my partner is a jealous shit who […]