Time flies. Remember this because it’s the truth. 6 years has gone so fast. 6 years of nothing but pain and Misery. I know that nothing will ever change. I am the very monster I wanted to destroy and now, I can with simple choice: Death
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destroy
Heh, I can’t even write anymore. One thought seems to take a minute now. My thoughts and actions are as fast as a 100-year-old when I’m only a quarter that age…
Oh well, never understood the point of living, to be honest. All these feelings and sensations are just symbols of vanity to my apathetic mind. Besides, I don’t really give a damn if the next president is a woman or Neo-Hitler. Although, it will be much easier to get rid of this Hitler compared to the first one. Humanity will destroy itself regardless of method. That is their fate. Unless humanity can develop something to […]
I am so tired of my life and myself, my thoughts makes my throat hurt and the pain shivers down to my chest. Its so tempting to just ram a knife up my throat. If I ever get my own apartment I woulnd’t be surprised if I actually did something like that, I want to cut my guts out, bleed out and destroy myself. As many others on this place my urge grows bigger towards my birthday, I don’t know why that is.. but I suppose to me it feels natural to go out on the same date that you came in.. I also had […]
Hi
I don’t really understand what all this is and what i’m doing here but this is all i have i guess
I’ll start this by saying my life is a quiet mess
I’m a 21 year old trans person (im agender, im not male or female) and I live with my shitty mom
now i’m not saying she’s shitty just because I don’t like her, she really is a cruel person. She’s left me in this weird limbo where i can’t tell what is and isn’t abuse anymore and she’s neglected me, mostly emotionally, that i don’t know what to do. She only knows I can like anyone […]
I should be feeling something better than this. Just a few weeks away from getting that god forsaken undergraduate degree-in psychology no less. Registered for classes in the fall getting, a Masters in social work, I think. I don’t know what I want though. It is so anti-climactic. I feel pretty numb most the time because I am stuffing those feelings until after finals. My therapist mentioned self-sabotage last week, he kind of took it back this week though. Bought a house. Living alone, trying not to isolate, helps that my sister lives across the street. Honest though, I feel restless. Like I am waiting to […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
So I have another decision to make …..to stay in lake tahoe..or..go back to park city utah… ether way I’m stayinf four months. I hated my life when I was in Utah but I will be away from my in laws for a few months or so and I’l be out lake tahoe were I see my life going no were.
Down sides ccomplete seclusion , crappy food. nothing to do but work and It will be just me and my husband .
Also after this four months my life will be up in the air MY husband dose not want to move back to Chicago ever […]
Why are you’s trying to hurt me ?
Make me bleed , make me crazy.
Why make me feel useless ,worthless make me grovel?
Why hold me down and destroy me take my life away , break me ?
Just let me go stop hurting me please I can’t take it anymore .
Anything I had ,you belittled made it crap, shitty, garbage.
I trusted you all stop hurting me.
Why make feel so wothless?
Why do you’s want me this way?
What do you get a crushed hopeless girl?
I was chiped […]
My apathy is starting to overpower me again. The meds don’t seem to be working anymore and counseling only turns the apathy to anger. An endless abyss or a destructive wrath: what is the lesser of two evils? Sure, I want to destroy humanity but I’m not an anarchist. I’m just a realist.
Even if humanity doesn’t wipe itself out with war, environmental destruction and overpopulation, cosmic forces will do it for them. Assuming humanity could transcend age one day and become cyborgs/androids, would there still be depressed people? Wishful thinking, that is.
I’m tired but I can’t die despite my wishes… I’m not meant to be […]
In all honesty, I don’t think I’m getting any better. Maybe for a day, or for just a couple of hours I actually feel something other than this depression consuming my soul. I feel content. I notice more things, like the way my boyfriends lips curve into this smirk of a smile, or the way the wind blows at night, and all the living creatures are sleeping, but you can feel the vibrations of the earth. These are the moments when I think that living might not be such a bad thing. But it never lasts. My worst enemy is myself, my own insecurities, my […]
Upon the edge of insanity,
flashing back to those fragments.
A silent voice screaming,
torn between desires to redo and destroy.
Various persona debating in mental court,
judge hanging by a thread.
Wanting to love yet accepting loneliness,
questions fire out.
“Should I play or sigh?”
To fight against myself or to protect,
that is the question.
Gay or straight,
it doesn’t matter.
Feminine guys or tomboyish girls,
both are fine.
In yaoi terms, fellow ukes or semes,
I’ll play both.
“Anyone daring enough to try?”
If yes, accept the demon or free the angel,
but understand this if the angel is wanted:
Be quick to free, lest the demon kill!
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I wounder everyday, for what reason have I been put on this planet, why was I born – what difference am I making to this shitty world? The struggle for everyday survival, the 9-5 deadbeat job and the same constant fucking routine; that we call everyday life.
I can’t move on, there’s nothing to look forward to anymore, nothing to smile, care, love and be happy about; Just pain, misery loneliness. I walk down the street, see happy people all around me, couples holding hand – kissing, children playing etc. The people who helped destroy my relationship, the ones who I once […]
Wanna know something I’ve never admitted before now? I’m not scared of the darkness inside me. It’s comfortable, familiar, but I’m terrified of the pure. It’s in there somewhere and I swear it’s so bright It washes over everything else until it’s all I can see, and it it’s in love with everyone. Honestly I just want so bad to embrace it but I think it has the power to destroy the rest of me. It feels like my choices are to watch myself destroy my own life like I always do, or die in a barrage of change, and I’m too much of a […]
Found out a couple days ago that if I commit myself to get help my roommate and mother will convince them I’m faking for attention and to have my released. They they would kick me out so I’m homeless, get rid of my dog, and destroy my computer. How awesome is that? Last night I disolved a large quantity of different drugs in a glass of water to drink. Tonight it’s still in my bathroom. Only reason I didn’t was that a friend of mine was falling apart, and I didn’t want to cause him more issues until he’s better. Now it’s so unbearable that […]
I want to die I can’t take living anymore I’m going to destroy everything and lose the person who was one of my only reasons for living , I’m just a worthless cowardly piece of shit , I hope I don’t wake up tomorrow
Hello all.
Don’t know how to start really. I’m 24 y.o. and i’m dealing with suicide thoughts over a 10 years now. I’m kinda ”controlling” it with drugs and weed, but once i stop using everything i become suicidal and auto destructive. I don’t know how to maintain my good mood when i’m clear, i can’t live like that anymore. I didn’t use anything for 3 days now. I just drink water, i don’t eat or sleep. I work 10 hours a day just to keep my brain occupied.
And it doesn’t matter if i’m alone, with my friend or when i was with my […]
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As I see a brief moment of clarity, it is gone in a sigh. No trip to Vegas is enough to get me to reconsider. This past, present and future, I want to destroy it all. I’ve decided to play a game of chance with my life. It is simple, just drink until it’s all gone. I wonder what my cards will say now. Will my fate be overseen by the Sun, Moon, Magician, World, Tower or perhaps, even Death. So, as I down the poison for this game, I’m listening to “Aoki Tsuki Mochite” by AKIRA, the ending theme for the third season of […]
I wrote this in high school, for an English class. Hopefully it gets some laughs out of you guys.
A long, long time ago in a galaxy far away, 1998 in Oskaloosa, Kansas, there lived a young Twinkie named Pedro. Pedro was a good Twinkie, he had a golden glow to his exterior and a white, creamy center. He spent most of his days watching the other Twinkie soldiers march into battle to defeat their arch nemesis, the evil Hoho horde. One day, everything changed, his father was killed by the Hoho horde, when his body was returned, his creamy center had been sucked dry. Pedro’s […]
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