I am so bipolar.
I have really bad anger problems. Like I get so mad and I feel like I’m such a monster.
I feel so evil on the inside. I’m scared to know what I’m capable of doing.
It’s just that I feel like it takes over me and I can’t control it.
Is it just me? Am I that different?
Met this cool guy that seemed like everything I wanted. But the way we met ruined any chances of anything normal or positive happening. And not to mention he lives in a different city and our lives are leading us down different paths. I went to see him and we had dinner and we talked and got to know each other I guess. Once I got home things started clicking and I realized that he lied about how old he was. I don’t know why he did either way it doesn’t matter. It was disappointing but when we talked the things he said I honestly […]
So you think you have had a bad life? Well let me give you some insight on what a bad life is…I was conceived by a teenage girl with a teenage boy, of whom she does not know who my father may be. She had planned on having me in her bedroom closet, and then who knows what would have happened to me.
After discovering that my egg donor was pregnant, my grandparents forced her give put me up for adoption.
I cant ant say anything really terrible while I was a child, other than being molested by my “brother”.
I was a rather strong willed child, with […]
Sometimes I wish that I didn’t exist. Nothing in my life seems to ever be going right anymore. I wish my life was over all the time. I don’t think about suicide as much anymore, and I haven’t tried in 7 months to kill or otherwisebharm myself, but I still wish I were dead.
Everything was fine until a couple years ago, and now I seem to be in a downward spiral I can’t get out of. I’m an 18 year old girl and most of my life has been pretty tough.
A couple years ago, I got my first job. It wasn’t the best job, but […]
I am at the point where ever day is torture. The only way to get some sore of peace is through sleep. I wish G-D would help. He has the power to change it all around but yet he does not. Makes me wonder is this what I was meant to feel? Is this what I was created for? The pain is to much. The mental torture is indescribable. How I wish things were different.
I tell you i’m serious. Over and over I tell you i’m serious. I tell you if you’re not serious then get the fuck away from me. I tell you to fucking be serious. Every comment you’ve posted affirms my view of this world because i told you to stop and you wouldn’t and could not stop because you love what you do. you characterize me when i explicitly and obviously tell you otherwise. you diminish every single one of my words. you deliberately write comments that sound unfazed and uncaring and smug. you need to go away. you need to stop typing because you […]
Um, hi. So I’ve been visiting this site for a quite a few months now and finally feel like I dont want to lurk in the shadows any more. Perhaps its because my bf of seven years just broke up with me and I finally feel like I seriously want to end it now. Maybe I am just an attention seeking weakling that should just get over it… idk. All I do know is that I feel different about suicide now. Before the thoughts were scary but now they offer a sense of comfort. Planing different ways I could do it is more exciting to […]
I’m groggy. Have taken three different sedative substances, only one of them prescribed. Tsk tsk.
Am desperate to sleep.
Am using chatrooms coz I can’t focus on any book, movie, documentary or any other cultural output.
There’s something seriously wrong with my body. It’s like dragging a corpse around. I’m constantly knackered.
Uh-oh. This may not be suicidal enough for Suicide Project.
I daren’t even say what I really want to say. I’m paranoid as all hell. If I say I wanna kill someone some f***** out there might think I mean it so…
So here’s another half-assed post which is really just a groggy vent. Because sauce for the goose […]
I’m only 22 but I feel as though it is too late for me to be anything or do anything with my life. I feel that everyone is much smarter than me and that they know something that I don’t. I observe the way my peers interact, the jokes they share and I feel like I can’t get it and I’m just a little kid. I don’t keep up with current events or anything because I hate reading the news and I have no motivation. I wish I could just do a few years over again so I could make myself different.
I’ve just realised something today. Something truly horrible. To me at least.
In nearly 5 months the only people I have seen are my family. Literally the only people I’ve interacted with are the four members of my family.
5 months ago I probably saw 20 different people a day.
It’s funny how things change.
Things like these are always hard to type aren’t they? Or maybe I’m just awkward, heh.
My name is Daniel, but I tend to go by Danny. I’m 17 years old about to turn 18 in May but I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t want to keep living. Why? That’ s a hard question to answer and I don’t want to bore you with stories but I’ve become really tired. Many think that 17 years isn’t long at all but in my eyes it’s like a century, not that I’m calling people older than me ridiculously old but that’s just how I feel , ya know?
I’ve […]
Psychiatry is going to kill me but that’s ok because I was suicidal for several years anyway.
I am fully aware the psychiatry is a very pseudoscientific with toxic drugs for treatment of so called mental illness. But I was born from two seriously disturbed mental patients in a NY state mental hospital. I was totally the product of psychiatric treatment. My entire existence is because of psychiatry. I wouldn’t have been born without it. I have been on almost every single psychiatric drug that is available. I have been mostly diagnosed with mood disorders and I am currently on disability for them. I have been […]
Suicidal: deeply unhappy or depressed and likely to commit suicide. Is that the way I feel? Yes
Do I think about it every day? Yes
Do I dream about it? Yes
Do I want to do it? Yes
Yet I still think there should be a different word. I think about it all the time, jumping in front of cars, off trains, suicide by cop, slitting my wrist, taking pills again, but something isn’t right. I can’t get it right. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. Is that still suicidal? I don’t want to die, I just want to not live.
OK, so it may not be what we’re thinking of or desiring, but I have a book that takes exerts from the actual Kama Sutra and explains things like Hindu existence, practice, culture and history.
There are some poses in here, but I’m not interested in that, what I found curious was the 64 arts that must be studied along with the Kama Sutra.
There are a range of different disciplines and crafts they must study. Vocal music, dancing, gardening, carpentry, and 60 more.
The reason why I posted this was to inspire or motivate others to maybe attempt all, half or part of the 64 arts. […]
One thing happened. This one thing was so similar to what had happened in the past. It was horrible, shameful, embarrassing, and suddenly I felt as helpless as I has two years ago when I almost killed myself.
Two years ago after confessing to my mother that I wanted to die, I began seeing a therapist, got medicated, and slowly began to feel better. I have had two great years. I slowly distanced myself from the things that made me feel suicidal or just things I associated with bad feelings. I kept many of my relationships, but distanced the ones that had hurt me in the […]
I hate how I overthink everything!! 10 million and one things going in circles at the speed of light in my mind… I wonder where I would be and how many things would be different if I weren’t this fucked up….
I figured I’d see if there were 101 reasons why we’re no longer friends, trying to counter the other post. Psychiatrist says I need a more balanced view of things, so here goes…
1) Me
2) Physically we’re so different.
3) You said you could never be friends with someone as vile as me. Why did I ever forgive that?
4) You are so comfortable with who you are…
5)… I will never be comfortable with who/ what I am.
6) We argued so much.
7) We’re both childish, me more so.
8) I was in a horrible place in my life when we first met.
9) You remind me too much of him.
10) […]
these sites/things have been lovely in different ways at different times….. near-death.org(something close if not this exact, its a storage for stories of near death experiences, all kinds, you couldnt read it all in a day), access consiousness/rikka zimmerman(the male founder said if things didnt change, he was gone…now rikka (plenty more than her out there with infinate positivity to spare, cant recall names)who is all over you tube is doing her own projects and is into loving self and intensely so), a church but not for the info(could be limited perspective) for the great music show and the super energy from thousands of ppl […]
I always play out something in my head like for example, if I imagine myself going to my room to put curtains up I imagine seeing a face in the window… But I never see them just imagine them and it’s always the same monster just different at times.. It’s always a white face or mask with black hole for eyes or just souless pitch black eyes or something on the stair case… Someone touching my feet when I’m a sleep or when laying in bed i imagine seeing a shadow crawling around on the floor.. I get sculed at for leaving the lights on […]
Im female, I’m 14 and have been self harming for 3yrs now. I was raped 5 times all by different people, beat by my step mom, ignored by my father, and I have tried to kill myself countless times. I have a few close friends that know what I’ve gone through and I have a girlfriend who is completely oblivious to the shit I’ve gone through… I just wanted to put a brief summary of my story out there so people know that sometimes it could be worst. Try and stay strong
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