So i sit here, going over my life story. Everybody told me that it would get better. They lied. So I stopped telling them things. My mom already told me I’m the reason they’re always fighting, and the reason of the divorce is the fighting. Maybe if I was out of their lives, it would be easier. For everybody. I’ve kept this in so long. I can’t keep living. I am destructive, I ruin everything I touch, my parents marriage, my relationships, my friendships, my life. I’ve ruined so many lives. Why can’t I just be normal? Because, I ruin everything. It’s always my fault. […]
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Divorce
I am a 22 year old male currently considering suicide. I have depression, as well as a bout of terrible luck. But I can’t die yet. Not until I’ve at least gotten to spill my guts somewhere. So I’m doing this as an experiment. I can’t vent to anyone in my close circle of friends, because I have constructed such an elaborate facade, I’m not sure if they’d even take it seriously. So I figure doing so anonymously will be just as cathartic.
My parents got divorced when I was four. It is the first memory I have. It was not a pleasant divorce, to say […]
It’s been basically a year now. Since I was on this site. I’ve heard many stories of loss and divorce from so many people. Yet none of them seemed to hurt as much as I felt just a year ago. In a year everything can change in a heartbeat. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes maybe not. But in the end change is a matter of life and you can’t shy away from it. If right now you are feeling desperate or in despair. Just think of it as a tunnel. I know you’ve heard of it before. Or you’re saying to yourself but you don’t […]
I guess this is what complete sadness feels like…to be completely hopeless(hope is only magical thinking anyway). I know why I pushed my ex away in those last few days. But, I’ll never know when or why she decided to leave(she was “gone” before I pushed her away); everything is an assumption.
I know you said if it was true love then I’d do everything I could to find it again, even with someone else. But, do you remember what you said to me when you were separated from your wife and living with Friend B? You said you would never love anyone as much as […]
Well. I’m only fifteen, and already I want my life to end. Ever since I was eight years old, my life has been a mess. My parents divorce was the spark of everything. I’ve been depressed for seven years, but the past two years it’s been hitting me hard. Every night I cry, wanting it to end. I use to pray to God to kill me in my sleep or to let me have at least one good day. I got neither, and gave up my faith. I wake up every morning, wondering why I even bother getting out of bed. I can’t find one […]
I’m so very afraid of failing. I have failed myself; I have become weak and patheticly sad. I have lost my ability to fight, tread on, or at very least endure. I failed my parents and any other relationship that became an affair of the heart. I am failing my children.  I am failing in my career and by the time my divorce procedes and finalizes, I will only be a financially failed shell of my former self.  –But most of all I am afraid of failing at suicide.
A week from today, I will end my life. I have known for better than 20 years that my end would come by my own hand. Now it is time. While I am both heart-broken and depressed, I also realize that I no longer have the capacity to contribute to the world at large, much less to those I love, in any meaningful way. I’ve known for roughly five years that the confluence of events over the course of my now 46 years were heading in this direction. I’ve sunk ever so slowly into a situation that makes my ability to continue, impossible.
A month ago, […]
I was at drivers ed tonight at my high school and there was a basketball game going on and i looked in and i saw all the girls with their friends and families and all i cant think is why cant i have that? why cant i have friends who will support me? why cant i have friends in general or people who like me? no guys are ever interested in me and the only guys that are, are the kinds that just want a ding dong ditch because i let every guy in that i can because they are the only ones that ever […]
Another of my friends committed suicide today.. seriously? thats three in two months. I cant take much more of this.. with these deaths my aunts death and my parents divorce and fighting and me being bullied i cant take this any longer. i feel like collapsing on the floor.
I have thrown so many signs out for years now that i want to committ suicide and the people around me are so self consumed that they dont realize how badly i am hurting inside. I just want someone to recognize a sign anything and just say that i care in person not someone from the internet. my family and friends are so selfish. i hate this and i hate my life. my parents are too concerned about their divorce and my friends are too busy with their boyfriends.. where the fuck does that leave me? stupid idiot cunts!
For most of my childhood and adult life I have had enjoyable and pleasant dreams, however for the past twenty years I have not had one single good dream. I was told that I was probably having “good” dreams but forgetting them by the time I got out of bed. Ten years ago, I bought a small tape recorder and put it on the head of my bed so the moment that I woke up from a pleasant dream I could just reach up and grab it and record what I had dreamed.
I can tell you that for the past ten + years I have […]
I’m 58 years old, working in Iraq so my wife could spend time with her sister and our nephew who died of brain cancer 1-Nov-11. I came here for her, for my family and stayed though I hated being away from my home and family, I stayed because they were proud of me.
Up until coming here in May-2011, the longest I’ve been separated from my wife was three weeks while she visited our son in Japan. She has wanted to go to Japan for as long as I’ve known her and when our granddaughter was born there, my son was in […]
I thought I was nothing once…
It seemed I was a small, insignificant part of the world, and when I died everything would keep moving forward as if I didn’t ever existed in the first place. My hopelessness… my struggles… they were all too much for me. I was ready to die, not knowing what was on the other side, but hoping it was better than the hell I was living.
I was two years old when my parents divorced. I was the daughter of a 24 year old Sunday School Teacher and a beautiful 18 year old High School Graduate, but others in our community […]
im 16 my name is jeff, i am depressed and dont know why, my mom and dad got a divorce when i was 5 and i live with my mom, i am a christian, i hav a fairly good relationship with both of my parents, i’m actually not a bad looking kid, but i havent had a girlfriend in like 3 yrs, i feel very along bc ppl say they are there for me, the they arent. but speaking of girls, there is this one, and i dont know about you other guys (PLEASE TELL ME IF YA’LL DO THIS) but every time you think […]
I’ve always been afraid to talk about my suicidle thoughts that haunted me for years and years back,afraid of considered a crazy pothetic person with no beliefes and courage.
My parents were divorced when I was only 7 years old,it was hurrable and i was forced not to see her or even mention her name or say”mamy”for example,it’s all because of my dad,I had no relatives,my sister and brothers were all I have,could’t communicate with anyone in a normal way..still I am that way..
I got married to a sick man and had 2 wounderfull boys and after 7 years of merrage i am fighting for divorce […]
I’m sure many posts have started the same way mine will; I’ve never written a post before in my life. But things have escalated to the point where I have to say this somewhere…..anywhere. And this seems as good a place as any.
I was married at 18, got pregnant on my honeymoon, so had my first child by the time I was 19. My husband and I had known eachother since I was 13 and he was 15. We were the best of friends until things started changing when I was 16, and we fell in love.
I honestly believed my life was set. We had […]
It saddens me to see these young kids considering suicide as an option. You have a long time left to live and you’ve got rampant hormones. You need to ride it out and see what the future provides.
Sadly I have seen what the future provided and now that I’m 45, I’m not sure I want to continue. I’m going on my second divorce. I haven’t had a sex life in 20 years. I spent 10 of those years looking for the right woman and 10 of them married to the wrong woman. The prime of my life has passed me by and I got robbed.
The […]
as a child beaten and unloved, told to leave and never to return.
alone and desperate for love, let in love, well what i thought was love, to be let down and left with two wonderfull children, but still wanted to be loved and wanted to be wanted, let love in again, to be beaten and abused, no one to help, let down by everyone, 12 years long years, trying to hide it form my (now three) children, lost in the divorce, hunted out of my home, relocated, in poverty, no fridge, cooker, carpets, and baillifs around tomorow to take what i have left.
iam numb, i […]
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