All of these years I’ve spent trying to make everyone happy. I believed that if I could make them happy, I too could be happy. So I stopped enjoying myself for the time and began focusing on the happiness of those around me. Turns out though, I only further ruin their happiness. My very existence makes people unhappy. No one ever wants to work with me in school groups, even though I do everything for them just to make them happy. I try to be nice to people and socialize, yet I still cannot make people happy. I try to keep a happy outlook and […]
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Do The Right Thing
Today I’m struggling. I’m struggling to find the good. I’m so tired of feeling tired and fighting through this life. Everything seems so difficult. I want a job, but my emotions are holding me back. I want to have the happily every after with my boyfriend, but it’s like we’re in this revolving cycle that doesn’t quit. I want my mom to be happy and it’s so hard to see her struggle everyday. It’s hard to know that she wants good things for me, but brings up things in the past that I feel so terrible about that I don’t want to face what I […]
I’m saving myself the time of writing my entire story. It’s a long one. The change in my life the loss only just happening 1 year ago this month. I’ve posted my story here once before, it was about half way through. While things have continually gotten much worse since I haven’t been this concerned with how things are going to play out. I’m at the end of having any real choice on how I leave. I’m about ready to just drink as much antifreeze as possible. I’m scared honestly to live and scared to feel any more pain. The antifreeze while painful I wouldn’t […]
I am full out screaming on the inside as my life feels so out of control.
My life should be more even keeled than it is and I am so fed up with trying to keep my balance and do the right thing all of the time. I know I could just go to bed but it is better to dump this poisonous mood on here and get it out of my physical body. I want to have what I believe is a better place to live, in a better area and the thought behind that is that if I am […]
Well long story short I come from a family that has made their own wealth through a private business of helping children with learning disorders. Love my family of two brothers, three sisters, and mom and dad.
The name is Gabe 19 years old. I’ve always felt like i have tried to do the right thing. Be polite, treat others nicely.Junior year of high school 2009 Â i just slipped into a huge depression sprial. Â Always kinda felt i wasn’t physically fit enough, felt guilty for how others perceived me. Â Never felt like i was there for who i thought was my friends. Always struggled in […]
I wrote on here the other day about my life has fallen apart completely. I feel completely hopeless and trapped inside my own head, and in the days since that post, I’ve gotten blackout drunk, stopped taking my bipolar meds and had random anonymous sex 2 nights in a row because I have no other way to escape the way I feel. I hate being sober because all I can do is obsess about how my meds aren’t working, about how I can’t seem to pull it together and find hope in anything, and about how the one person I’ve ever truly loved in life […]
The poor man is hated even by his own neighbor,
But the rich has many friends.
He who despises his neighbor sins;
But he who has mercy on the poor, happy is he.
Life’s Pain
Two divorces and child custody.
To do the right thing will require personal pain.
I can’t pay I can’t pay. I am falling behind in my payments to the world and the world is getting pissed.
I try to keep up but something always throws a wrench into things so I can’t keep up.
2 steps forward 2 steps back
God I want to quit, God I want to die.
Jesus protect me from the world I cannot continue. […]
HAPPY FATHERS DAY.
Happy Fathers Day everyone! Well, today’s the day. The first Fathers Day without my dad. It’s kinda sad .. I’ve been trying not to think about it, because it’ll just hurt more. I still never found out how he died, I think someone’s hiding something from me. I don’t think autopsy’s take that long, does anyone agree? He’s been gone for about 8 months. Time flies! He was a drug addict. Always has been. He’s always gotten away with everything, & I believe in Karma honestly! Right around the time he died, he was trying to do the right thing. […]
Not even sure why I’m posting here. I guess I want to know if anyone feels the same as me, what do I do etc.
I basically can’t seem to handle life. I was booted from home when I was 14. Apparently a bad situation with neighbours caused us to move when I was 11 and according to my mother this unsettled me in my life. I was a stable, well achieving girl before that.
Now I am 32. I have had strings of bad relationships, one after the other. Ending for reasons which may or may not have been my […]
I feel for all of you here. I wish I could help you all escape the misery of this awful world! It is so hard in this world. I don’t know how I’m still here! My fear of death stops me from taking my life these days but boy do I think about it every fkn day. I have tried so many times in my past, to end this misery of a life, but UNFORTUNATELY I’m still here! I don’t want to be here anymore! Since childhood, I have tried to hold onto just the smallest amount of hope,that one day things will get better, […]
I wrote that on my arm last time I was on a psych ward, and then was about to take my life when the girl with learning disabilities across the hall from me came and knocked on my door wanting me to do her nails. She had been through so much and we were friends, she really didn’t deserve to have to watch me be brought out in a body bag which would have happened right outside her room. So I held on for a while and now I feel the same hopelessness again, the same desperation I just wish there was a way to […]
March 26, 2012
I want to cut.
There’s the temptation
I’ll do it, then not tell anyone.
Who would it hurt then?
But I know it’s wrong.
Why can’t I do the right thing?
When the wrong thing seems right?
I want to give up
I’m in too deep this time
It’s tempting to just give in and give up
As you know, I’ve recently had to deal with some things that were beyond my control. All in this one week I got the closest I’ve ever been to anyone and then completely lost him. I was devasted and I’ll admit- a bit dramatic but I thought about it. I thought a lot about it all, everything. He was harming me more than helping me I decided. I just made myself believe otherwise. We all do that, live in our own worlds and throw a bit of falseness in every situation. It happens naturally. That’s why you can never really trust anything for certain. So […]
Each day I feel more insecure and ashamed of myself. I see my scars. I hate my scars, but I continue to cut. I regret it the next day and I get angry at myself.. and what do I do to release the anger, I cut. It’s like an on going cycle. I used to swim and play sports, but now I avoid public places.. and continue to hide who I really am. There is so much behind my fake smile.
I’m terrible at expressing my feelings in person.. I just choke up.. I feel like I will be judged or rejected. I want […]