and now it’s happening in mine.
I’m done. I’ve slowly been moving from sadness, loneliness, despair to feeling nothing. I feel emptier as each day passes. I will dangle lifelessly soon enough. This joke isn’t funny more.
Tonight is really bad. I miss my girls so much. This is so hard to keep going through the days when the most important part of your life is gone, yet they are only minutes away and you cant go see them, call them, hug them, tell them you love them. I know ive made mistakes and done stupid things but I regret them honestly and truly. Doesnt that count for anything? I wish I would just die in my sleep tonight and be taken away from this hell.
My boyfriend is the only one who I told I’m breaking,I think he’s forgotten though.
He just keeps getting mad and upset and frustrated wih me and he tells me I’m pushing him away and I tell him things about ex’s and he struggles too forgive me but I’ve forgiven him for so much that hes done in his past.
I need his support,but he’s forgotten I need it..but I don’t know how too tell him in a polite,non attention seeking way….I need him..I’m scared of losing control..
He loves me and can’t live without me–he says. But he won’t listen when I tell him what I need to be happy and to regain trust in him after robbing me while high on crack. I was a codependent until I learned to implement a tough love routine.
He promised he would go to rehab so i sprung him out of jail. And then, he skipped off 3 hrs away blowing off rehab. He insists i cheat on him when he’s the only one. He’s psychotic and the list of guys he accused that I am having sex with just keeps growing. We argue and […]
So I am just done. Done with life, done with daily strife, just done. This morning I went out to my car, ready to start a fresh new day at work. I get there and start my car. Smoke starts pouring out of the front and back of the car and it won’t move. I end up having to call a tow truck to come get my car and calling out of work since I had no car to get into work with. And I had no PTO. So now I am worried about losing my job. I take my car […]
you choke on the blood.
I’m done with this.
Yesterday, I made the hardest and biggest decision of my life.. I went to the police and told them about my ex boyfriend raping me coming close to 2 years ago along with the emotional, physical and sexual abuse and blackmail.. you name it, he done it to me. I walked over to the police station and asked for a police wife that I get on really well with, but I couldn’t tell her what happened, it took about 10 minutes for me to tell her. The minute I said rape, I had the worst panic attack I have ever had, I can type the […]
I got dragged down
By the current.
I know how to swim
But why fight it.
Faces and places
Come to haunt me
Along with things I’ve done
Im going to hell.
A fate worse than life?
There is none.
How do you breathe
When the air is your poison.
I fight hard for purpose
But I do not have one.
My legs fail me
Because there is nowhere to run
When your demons trail behind you.
I cant breathe
Im choked by my sins.
a fate worse than life?
There is none.
So I don’t know what to say. But I’ll start here I have a boyfriend. We have been together for awhile. But he can me like shit allot. Well I’m pregnant with his baby. He doesn’t want it neither does his dad. So they want abortion. I’m not sure. I want it but he doesn’t care. He bugs me about it al the time. I feel like all he wants is for me just to kill myself cause that’s what he wants I know so he can just be done with me. Know one understands how I feel and won’t. He also is always looking […]
Admittedly, I find myself at a strange place now. Before I was so sure about wanting to kill myself. But now–after having thought about my motivations for not just dying, but living as well–I don’t know where I stand. There is still some motivation for wanting to die, that much I can say with certainty. In fact, that motivation is still unconditional just as it has been. However, I’m afraid that somewhere in my subconscious, that motivation stems from something superficial. So I find myself needing to know what that “something,” is and once I do, I can act full-heartedly and decide with a clear head, whether or not I should live.
I’m so close to […]
So, I’ve never used a site like this… I don’t know if this post will even publish, knowing my luck it won’t and I’ll have got all anxious for nothing. Okay, maybe I should start with the suicide story?
I don’t know what has led to me becoming depressed (or, as my psychiatric nurse calls it “in low mood, because depressed is such a negative word”) I’ve never suffered any traumatic experiences and I didn’t have a bad childhood. I can’t even pin point the first time I ever felt so low. I can tell you though that each time I hit a low point, it […]
I just want to die.
I hate my life.
Try to live my life.
Live with my ADD.
Live with my social awkwardness.
Live with my slight autism.
Live with it all.
It’s a fucking nightmare.
I’ve tried getting help but it never works.
It never will.
I’m done.
It’s over.
NoSelfRespect
Well my first memories where of nursery school my babysitter use to take us.I was a boy with big teeth and a speech […]
It’s always nice to know that my family unanimously agrees that I’m a world class fuck-up. They expected me to completely and utterly ruin anything and everything for everyone at a wedding, and was completely baffled that everything turned out fine. But they are still dissapointed for a reason they refuse to enlighten me about. What in the holy hell have I ever done wrong? Whatever, it doesn’t matter what I did they’re still going to hate me for who I am regardless of what I do.
I think I will finally end it all today. This will be the second time I try to kill myself, but this time I’m not going to take some pills. I have a razor blade next to me and plan to get in the shower and cut myself open. I just wanna tell my story to someone and anyone who is willing to read this. This is not an impulsive thing I’ve been in pain for a very long time and am so tired of trying to hold on. I was bullied all of my life, and no I’m not exaggerating, ever since I started […]
I’m alive.
And I’m free.
I’ve never been more free in my life.
It feels so good.
I suppose I should explain what happened when I stopped posting yesterday. Basically, the pills were making me really tired and weak. I was dying, basically. It was getting really hard to type, because the simple movements were taking all of my energy. So, I said goodbye to all of you, and I fell asleep. I’m pretty sure it was closer to dying rather then sleeping, but I didn’t know at the time; I was too weak. Anyway, I never moved my laptop from on top of me, because the movement […]
First off I want to say thank you for all the people or most of the people who could understand and took time to be with me last night. I felt good when I was close to leaving that you people really cared even though you don’t know me. So thank you for that. And for that one person who was rude and inconsiderate please don’t comment. But I am going to stay positive.
So as you all know I hit rock bottom last night and couldn’t do it anymore. And I couldn’t take living anymore. So I acted. Not like other times where I was […]
I just want to say something before I leave and finish what I have started. It was nice meeting all of you from CC, TC and SP I may not talk much but just having a place to come and read and share thoughts has helped me for a while. I have been planning this for weeks and I picked tonight for no reason but it is the best night i could have picked. I am done trying I am done taking to people and I am sick of every doctor you talk to wanting too put you on medication. I know….. I self medicate […]
Ok this is my last post, in just a few hours I’ll be gone.
I’ve spent my last days trying to enjoy myself and everything I love with my heart, but still it wasn’t enough to make me change my mind. I don’t have regrets but I would have loved to be able to give a propper goodbye to the people I love, anyway I don’t want them to know what I’ve done once it’s done, so I’ll have to keep all that for myself.
Life looks so different when you know it’s going to end, it’s not brighter nor darker, just different, as if you were […]
If you ever need anything, no matter what it is, please email me, breannakienzle@gmail.com. I would love to help you in any way I can. Even if you just need to get something off your chest, I promise I won’t judge you because I’ve done many things that I’m not proud of. Please talk to me if you want to, I would love to help.