All I wanted was his happiness..he’s happy
I wanted to be able to say her name without getting angry…I can
I wanted to have people to talk to…I do
I wanted to lose weight…I am
So why am I still crying?
He’s happy with someone else
Instead of getting angry when IÂ say Skye I get angry when I say Rain
So many people to talk to..none understand
Starving myself..getting major headaches just to lose weight like they said
Crying uncontrollably…none of this is enough
So I just got the results back from my entrance university exams. I secured 2nd position and obtained 70% scholarship.
Thank you God…
I hope… I can convince her… if we can manage the funds… maybe I can buy a car. I don’t mind a second or an ugly one.
Please God… please let me live. I am bored and tired of dying everyday… I want to live… I want to be normal. I want to live.
I have lots of dreams to achieve, dreams of 17 years. I will survive, I will hold on till that day come. So please God… give me a chance.
This morning I looked outside and all I saw was snow. You may think: “Is that special?? O.o” Well, I can tell you: yes, it is. Because in The Netherlands we don’t really have severe winters or often snow. So when there is snow, it’s special. Especially when it’s like 6 inches, like today. I had to go to my part-time therapy (from 9 am till 3 pm every monday till friday) and luckily my father brought me. There was like more than 1000 kilometers of traffic jam, a new record! (on a normal tuesday in the morning it’s around 300 kilometers) and we also […]
The dreams call to me
Listen, listen they whisper
We’ll show you who you really are
So I delve in hopeful, full of wonder and disregard for the waking hell I live in
Hoping for some kind of respite
Some relief from the pain I feel
But what I find is more than just real
I see myself in all my flaws
Grasping and the wind where my life just had been
All my loves all my joys all the reasons I live to wake for
Shown to me to hold once more
Before I wake and find I’m torn
Between these blissful nightmares and this despairing reality
Where love had been now replaced by hate
In dreams I […]
I am 13. I don’t have a really sad story about being raped or having drug addict parents. which makes me feel like i honestly dont have a reason to feel depressed. but here i am. I dont know how it all started. but i remember a year ago when i started in a team for my favourite sport. i’m not going to say what it is because along with my name, it is very uncommon and i feel like that someone who knows me might read this. anyways, you might think, oh wow thats a really good thing! but only a few people did […]
A company who I spent three hundred dollars on their self help programs emailed me an ad trying to get me to buy more. I have been doing their programs all year! I definitely feel like I wasted my money on greedy people! Because they wrote me trying to sell me more with an ad titled “They Did it to me!” And that takes the cake!
I beg to differ. What does a person do when they REALLY did it to me, and in great numbers, continue to do it to me, and no matter what positive attitude have, no matter what fantastic in-genius ideas I have, […]
Whatever it might cost, a look into the future,
Forsaken but not lost,
Nor given in to torture,
Like noises in the wall, no one will notice,
You know you will fall
And drown in misfortune.
Crowned by the doom, you almost see it coming,
To stand or to give up,
You can figure nothing.
Then you retrace your steps, and when the world rejoices
You stumble back and forth,
You’re torn between the choices…
And the disaster gleams, beckoning the reverie
You’re dwelling into dreams
You know astral travelling,
Far away from scorns and senseless agitations
You’re breaking into thorns
Of […]
Do you ever feel like you have done it all?  You wake up to face the day, feed the dog, dress yourself, brush your teeth, eat some food and go to work.  At work your totally disrespected by your peers and Friday you pick up your check.  At the end of the day you come home and let the dog out to use the bathroom.  Jump in the shower and make yourself believe you are washing away the hate, lies, disgust of the day gone by.  You get into bed, mentally numb in many ways and fall asleep after an hour of thinking about how much you […]
Feels like I’m aimlessly floating. The addictions I can’t seem to beat and the ones I just don’t want to or see the need to leave behind. Tired of not living.. but don’t really feel like I want to ‘live’ anymore. Floating around and around. Moving inside my head. Thoughts telling me that I’m not here, I’m not really here.. Just watching everything pass by. I’m not on any medication or drugs, thank you very much. This is how things are. Music drives me. Tales of adventures and forbidden love. I get lost in other worlds.. I can’t handle this one. It can’t handle me. […]
Hey I was wondering if anyone knew how old youvwould have to be in the uk to buy sleeping tablets? I can’t take the dreams anymore, or the lying awake thinking. I just want to sleep! but over past experience of self harming Boone will buy me any or trust me, so I guess I’m on my own.
So yeah any idea?
I find it really hard to let go and say what I want on this site I guess because I don’t do it at all and if I do it’s once in a blue moon but right now my thoughts are racing and I want to speak freely.
This week hasn’t been to great for me and I’m feeling indifferent about it, I haven’t been able to focus on my work and have been getting very little sleep I guess it’s because last year around Christmas is when my depression was worse than normal. I was reflecting  to last year when I got depression, I remember […]
is this site real, its my first time here. today 20 children were murdered in ct, usa. it is very sad to hear this happening. christmas is almost here and i have no money, i have 3 beautiful daughters that i cant afford to feed let alone buy gifts for christmas. i lost my job in november i have terrible credit and im behind on my rent. i have tried so hard to make things good and i always lose everything. im not suicidal but im very ready to go. i have nothing to live for, i look forward to sleep so i can dream. […]
i am starting not to see a reason to go on. i lost my family. my car,my friends, my job, my house, and my girl friend for the past 9 years doesn’t know if she want to be with me in her new live 500 miles away.i was so happy just 3 months ago when i had all those things and now i want to give up. every day i say to my self “i want to go home ” but the place and girl i called home is gone and will never come back. how do i find hope when my dreams and goals […]
Long story short… I heard Travis’s voice on the phone just a few minutes ago… I’ve only heard his voice in my dreams… I feel like I am dreaming… I still love the sound of his voice<3
My parents started to fight ever since I could remember. Â My father was abusive to my mother, not to me though. Still he screamed at me, kept me up all night telling me I was just a kid. HE broke chairs, smashed the house, broke my stuff, and hurt my mother very badly. I joined drama class at school, and he told me I couldn’t act. He crushed my dreams, and makes me feel worthless. All of my school days I have been bullied. The called me names, took away my jacket when it was cold, called me a lesbian, a wore, a fucking loser, […]
Hello SP
This is by far one of the oddest things I have ever been asked to do. But here goes.
Some of you may remember me from a few years ago. My wife died in childbirth and my daughter of leukemia. I was angry at the world and god. I tried to kill myself. I meet someone here who saved my life. He talked me down from my darkest hour and we became good friends. He too knew grief, we were bonded by pain.
I was diagnosed with cancer this year, I almost didn’t get the treatment, but he convinced me to change my mind. I am now in remission. He has saved […]
Hello All,
I am in a terrible place that I don’t feel that I will ever get out of. Â I was on top of the world. Â Had a very good job, good car, just moved in with the love of my life, new pets, just bought the house of my dreams.
I lost it with one illegal mistake that I made. Â I ended up spending several months in jail, I lost my reputation, the girl that I knew would be there for me no matter what will no longer have anything to do with me. Â I have lost my job, and CANNOT find work no matter what. […]
Life to me is just unhappiness i dont like being here really… Nobody has done anything to make me feel this way i just dont see the point in a meaningless unhappy life full of anger and depression… Im 14 and most people just say to me that i will be fine its just school and its stressful but school isnt a problem at all. I have friends and family that care about me but i never seek help from them because i dont like contact with other people, i like being alone by myself so i lock myself away.
I constantly question myself about my […]
What do you do when only one thing helps
But you can’t even do that right?
Take the bottle of pills off the shelf
Cuz you fuck everything up in your life
Well that’s what I just did
Downed pills like shots on new years
Popped the tops off a couple of new beers
Ran up to my room and hid
Under my bed cutting my wrist
Making designs to shame an artist
My cuts have a contest
To see who can go the farthest
First prize went from my armpit
Down to my fist
Left arm useless but I still have my right
To end my life […]
I said things where better and I thought they where. I was wrong though. just hours after my last post all hell broke loose. My dad went crazy he got mad at me and he threw me on my bed and was shaking me and hitting me and I screamed that I hated him. he grabbed me and dragged me head first off my bed and slammed me to the floor. He saw my mom at the store and he told me that she didn’t want me. Nobody wants me anymore… My family has abandoned me…and I don’t know what to do.
The only reason I am awake […]
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