Hello!
I think you guys deserve an update on how I am. 🙂
Also, how are you guys? I haven’t talked to you in a bit. So yeah please do tell me how you are.
If you know about my little technology problem, (I got locked out of my iPad with no back up, no previously synced computer, and practically no way getting access to my iPad without wiping everything) it is okay now. I wiped my things. I just did it. And I only deleted like 80 pictures, 2 notes, 3 videos, and that’s it. 😀 I got my music back and my apps, […]
Tag:
drinking
I would smile to friends and family for the longest time. I would smile like nothing was wrong to keep people away from asking whats wrong. I kept that smile up for the people who thought my life was perfect. Nobody knew the pain N suffering I had to go through to get to where I am now. I’ve walked a thin line from never getting caught to hey what happens if I get caught. During that time I was N still am suffering from PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks, and mood disorder. I watched a family member do things to me that I should […]
Entry 3
Beer beer I’m drinking beer. I’m gonna get drunk and overcome my fear.
I couldn’t afford it but that’s okay I don’t need money where I’m going anyway. Only a gold coin to pay the man so he can ferry me far away from this land.
All the bad memories and actions past, I’ll make them end very fast. The daily stresses and endless fights will surely be over after tonight. I’m done and spent I’ll tell you that. I don’t have to worry this beer will make me fat.
Goodbye mum goodbye dad I’m so sorry that I was so bad. Goodbye lover who was only […]
I have taken my anxiety med, I am drinking a beer and watching True Blood. Trying not to give in to my compulsion to make nice with my ex. I am embarassed by my behavior. I need to sort myself out. I guess I relied on him as a way to get out of my head for a bit.
NoSelfRespect
Well my first memories where of nursery school my babysitter use to take us.I was a boy with big teeth and a speech […]
I feel better than I did. I needed to get all that out. I’ve picked up drinking over the last several months. That helps a lot. I don’t want to destroy myself, just feel better. I have received some good news/bad news a few days ago. I can’t think of suicide right now. I have no other option but keep going despite what I’m feeling inside… I’m not sure that I can do this. I am positive that I will be back to this place again. I spent a really long time debating this decision…
AN: Another poem here. Thank you for taking the time to read this. The ironic thing about this poem though is that I don’t drink and yet I’m writing about that.Great if someone reviewed, to all those out there who likes to drink, does this poem connect with anyone of you?
Round and round the roulette goes,
will it stop or will it blow?
Slipping into oblivion,
it’s time to drink like the Russians and let go.
It’s time to drink your worth,
and bet your all in this one barrel,
a single shot,
and you might finally get to rot.
Heave ho and we go,
drinking till the sun goes down,
drinking our fill till […]
I was sexually abused as a child. I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused through childhood and my early teens. I’m super screwed up. I can’t control my emotions and I get depressed. Suicide seems very glamorous to me. I’ve thought about it ever since I was 7 or 8 years old. Life terrifies me unless I’m drinking or doing drugs. I’m a cutter. I’ve never attempted suicide because I always chicken out in the end, but I’m getting closer to the brink.
I am 36..had a pretty rough life.. Not as bad as some, but still pretty rough.. I was sexually abused from about the age of 4 or 5 until I was about 11 by 2 family members..my grandfather and my uncle.. I started smoking pot at around 8 or 9, started drinking when I was I think 10.. Snuck out of my house and. Partied every weekend and would even sneak my parents liquer to school in sports bottles.. once I realized that I can escape this reality I did whatever I could and did it to the max.. I then started lsd and cocaine […]
Everyone has a point in there lives where they dont know who they are, where they are, or who they want to be. Some people have to hit rock bottom before getting back up but sometimes we keep falling which is okay as long as you keep tryin. I had to hit rock bottom twice before I realized I had to get clean and sober. Im not perfect and I can fall at anytime but, right now Im heading back to the top of recovery. Let me tell you about my journey and my story about strength; sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
What options for death really are there for profound disabled like myself? I can’t get a gun, can’t get in a car and go somewhere, and hanging never fails to fail. The only thing I was suggested by “professionals” was, if you want to die, you can, you just have to stop eating and drinking completely. Number one, what an inhumane way to go! I cannot imagine depriving myself of water until I am dead. That is barbaric. Number two, most of us disabled are in the care of family members who would force feed us. So this is clearly not an option. Also most […]
I’m bound to this earth with the feeling of regret from past events. My family doesn’t make the fact that i hate every part of my being any better. Sometimes i wonder, Why didn’t my mom leave my drunk dad? I mean she could have left him and spared my childhood memories from this twirling downward spiral of pain. I just wish i could have had a better time growing up. I only had One life, One childhood, One family….i could have had a chance at being happy if my mom left him……Happiness? What the fuck is the feeling of “True happiness”, someone please explain, […]
Well, I am only 14 years old girl, but I already drink this amazing drinks. Beer, vodka, whiskey… Just almost everything. I started when I was 10 years old, when I started noticing my parent’s problems. And when I started to drowning in depression, my mother started to telling me everything about my father. Everything she told me were lies ’cause my father told me everything about mother. My father was right, my mother always screams and she’s always angry when I say something good about my father.
My mother was calm when I was angry at my father, but when I started to protecting my […]
Woke up in the hospital. No idea why. All I remember is drinking a whole lot.
i just realized that i stayed up the whole night drinking and doing nothing. its 7 AM. and i’m quite drunk. is this bad? I’m usually pretty good about my alcohol consumption.
Unconsciously, Our intuitiveness will tell us when we ready for something ( walking, drinking alcohol, moving out of parents house , getting married )
similarly, when we know we are ready for suicide?
continuing from Story of my life.. part 2
It was Christmas eve, everything was great. Until Nick came up to me and told me he couldn’t be with me any longer. He told me he had fallen out of love. That was it. He walked away. I didn’t know what to do. At first I was doubting it even happened. It was probably another daydream of some sort. But it was true. He left me standing in a hallway, never looked back. I was told to just move on. Time will heal. In a few weeks you’ll be just fine. There’s lots of fish in the […]
So, tomorrow I will be away from technology for 24 hours, because I’m involved in the Every 15 Minutes project.
“The Every 15 Minutes Program offers real-life experience without the real-life risks. This emotionally charged program, entitled Every 15 Minutes, is an event designed to dramatically instill teenagers with the potentially dangerous consequences of drinking alcohol and texting while driving. This powerful program will challenge students to think about drinking, texting while driving, personal safety, and the responsibility of making mature decisions when lives are involved.” (-The Website)
I couldn’t tell very many people, because nobody at school can know it’s happening, so I had to tell […]
From such a young age I have experienced so much pain. Age of 8 the most dear person in the world passed away, my granddad, the only person in the world who loved me more than my parents. Age 10 turned to smoking as a pain reliever and have been addicted ever since. Age 11 got moved half way around the world to a place I had no knowledge of, came back to UK a year later for holiday only to find out my dad has another wife and a child with her who was 4 years of age at the time, having committed bigamy. […]
I’m not a smoker, but a cigarette with coffee hits the spot sometimes. I like the way I get spun up on nicotine and caffeine since I hardly ever have either.
It lifts my lazy depression and maybe…..just maybe will be enough to get where I’m destined to go tonight.
Really don’t want to see another morning