.I feel so depressed, I feel like i’m becoming emotionally and physically weaker! I just feel so dull and sick that I don’t even want to wake up in the mornings and feel like i have no hope :'( No one accepts me the way i am and I have become a bit boring since my depression. Idk if its because of that or not though…=( Gahh sorry for being dramatic but i feel very bad nowadays I’ve been lonelier than ever before as my self-proclaimed “best friends” don’t even message me or call me or anything. I understand that I go to a different […]
Tag:
Emotions
it has been a week since last week’s drama. i go in for an appt tomorrow and i am nervous. going to the scene of the crime. i hope no one there will recognize me as the loser who had a police escort out of the building. my emotions run the gamut from being hopeful about the future to actively suicidal. even when i was at the hut i found myself writing down lyrics to songs about suicide. if you are into rock music you know metallica’s fade to black and megadeth’s a tout le monde. again my “death wish” comes through. the fact that […]
Honestly I don’t know where to start… Recently I’ve realized I’m depressed. I just feel so empty inside. Like I’m moving through the motions day by day. My family doesn’t or can’t understand what I’m going through. They’re all wrapped up in their own problems, and I’m not willing to become a nuisance to them. It feels like years since I’ve been thinking about dying. Just jumping off my roof one day, or drowning myself. But until recently it didn’t dawn on me that I wanted to commit suicide. I have lots of people in my life that love me, and would hate it if […]
I find myself wishing I wasn’t born.
I find myself widhing that someone would look at me and see the pain i am because I cant bring myself to tell them.
I want everyone to realize I am not the bitchy sarcastic person they think I am, I use it to hide..
Why do bad things happen to those so young and full of life, Why do they come in and stomp the joy out of us killing all hope, love and joy.
The day get worse despite the promise of “It gets Better”.
My heart and soul aches and I don’t know what to do…
I cannot WAIT till im a adult. Then i’ll just be as far as possible from my home and my family. Now before i go on my rant, let me just say no, i dont have a physically abusive family, no are my parents divorced nor are they dead, sick or drug addicts. They just treat me like woman were treated in the 1940’s. No rights. No freedom. They were OBLIGED to stay home and work, things like that. Well that’s how I am treated. I have been occasionally depressed for a while now. (my depressive bouts usually last between hours to a week). Anyway, […]
The small criss cross across my wrist
Nobody notices
Nobody cares
The small criss cross across my wrist
I want the the relief
I need the relief
Of the small criss cross across my wrist
I was never a religious person nor am I now but I often think that I am stuck in hell. “Hell on earth” , hell of depression , loss , memories , feeling like I am speaking in a foreign language because people may hear me but they DON’T understand me so I resort to silence then there is the heartbreak , the feeling like your heart is literally being broken into two and the thoughts come and they are anything but organised.. I am left angry and exhausted. I think , this is what he must of felt like and I had no idea. […]
Long story – Short(Believe me, I tried):
I was 17 last year making my brother 23. He started seeing one my absolute best friends until she decided to start dating someone who could be around more, his work kept him out of town.
He told me that it really hurt him and we bonded over it… or so I thought. I had a complete falling out with one of my oldest friends and he decided to take her virginity as a way to get back at my best friend. He’s not very mature for his age – I know, and hes been told by many, including my […]
Have you ever woke up, and was to sick to even think about getting out of bed? And by sick I don’t mean physically sick, I mean like emotionally sickened. Have you ever woke up and questioned your own existence? I just feel so selfish to even have these thoughts. I have everything I need and more. How come I’m not happy? I don’t even feel like being here anymore. This place just isn’t for me.
 I’ve tried to explain these feelings to someone before but it doesn’t really help. They usually just say “oh I’m sorry, I understand, I’m going through stuff too.” So then […]
I feel like i have no tears left i have already cried them them all out of me nothing is left.
i have no emotions left but i can laugh and i can be sad but i feel like not even me can fake a smile anymore. U know that feeling when i have a fake smile and it’s starts to hurt cuz its fake but u don’t wanna look sad
every time i go to bed i think in my head ” i hope i don’t wake up again” i just wanna sleep through my life and keep sleeping no matter what
i hate the pain that […]
   As I’ve spoken about in previous posts, I’ve had depression, anxiety and paranoid delusions for most of my life and it’s not easy to live with, especially the depression.
    For me, at 11 years old it began with a deep sadness that just never seemed to lift. It spiralled pretty quickly and I began to spend an awful lot of time alone in my bedroom. I felt as though I was the loneliest person in the world because nobody could really relate to what I was feeling. The thing that got to me most was that some people would say things like, “you’re […]
Face it, friends want something. Whether it’s companionship, belonging, someone to talk to, someone to drive them home when they’re piss drunk, someone to borrow money from, someone to move furniture for free, or whatever, they want something. A successful friendship is based on a fair balance of giving & receiving these things. But some of us don’t want and don’t need any of those things. As a result we end up giving everything and receiving nothing. Friends serve no logical purpose. Oh but try going through life without friends and society labels you a freakshow, a misanthrope, a socially maladjusted head case. So every […]
   A bigot is defined in the online Oxford English Dictionary as:
a person who has very strong, unreasonable beliefs or opinions about race, religion or politics and who will not listen to or accept the opinions of anyone who disagrees.
Why do such people still exist in this world? Haven’t we, as a race, grown up into our adulthood yet, the civilised versions of our cave dwelling former selves? I’m thinking no.
A few weeks ago, while walking to visit my grandparents, my partner and I happened to pass by a group of older teens who were talking about the young man and woman who’d […]
Hi, I’m new to this kind of thing, but I’m desperate for some help….
I almost killed myself tonight. I can’t deal with who I am.. I am a worthless piece of shit. The only thing I love, I suck at. When my friends try to help me, I want to scream “I WANT TO KILL MYSELF” to them just so they get it. They think my emotions are typical, as does everyone else, but I’m falling apart. I know these feelings aren’t normal because if they were everyone would be dead.. I know this is probably pointless and no one will care, but I’m desperate […]
I need to teach myself not to feel. Or to bury my feelings and water them down so they don’t show up anymore. I used to know how, I used to be good at it. But now, I’m told that is what a man does. He buries his feelings. A man doesn’t show every emotion he has. True men don’t show any feeling. I am mostly emotionless now. Emotions don’t cross my face, they cross my tone. They betray me in my voice. I will not accept weakness in myself. This is not an option. I must get rid of my feelings. I must not […]
you just have to say “fuck it, I wanna be happy.”
Life is Shit at the moment, life is a journey.
You stepped in a pile of shit ok?
When you do that in real life, what really happens?
For the next ten miles do you think about that pile of shit you stepped in?
Do you see piles of shit on the road ahed and steer yourself right into them?
No? So why do it mentally?
Sure, your foot may stink because of the residual shit, but the initial impact is back there man, leave your bad feelings about the shit back there. […]
Over the course of my short 26 years of life, I have attempted suicide on no less than 8 occasions.
From the age of 11, I was bullied at school, tormented and tortured by grown men who’d wait for me after school and not to mention the troubles I was working through at home and struggling to admit the fact that I am gay, even to myself.
All of this plus a few other reasons landed me in therapy.
From the age of 11 onwards I saw one psychotherapist after another and I’ve been on so many medications that it’s hard to be certain of the exact number. […]
mirror, mirror, my only friend
you listen, but no hand can you lend
you see me for the man i can be
but then i remember my only friend is me
it is lonely no matter the place
The people are the same no matter the base
I feel like a junker in a nascar race
like a clay pot next to a porcelain vase
so mirror mirror tell me something new
but you can’t which is why this pain will ensue
sure you’re always there by my side
but every time you smiled, you lied
time to face that my only friend isnt real
it has no emotions it can not feel
so ill see you every day […]
The pain hurts so bad, my body feels like someones chrushing it, and i can barley breath. Once again im alone, depressed, and with many sharp objects all i have to choose. But i sit on my bed staring at the clock whispering one more minute as his voice screams in my head “it’s our secret”…..”you better keep it”
“Or i’ll kill you” i wanna scream fun back to my friends, but i’ve gone home for that night and again im alone, the pain is just to much as flashbacks push there way into my head. My heads throbbing and im shaking, it feels like someones […]
It would be nice if, for once, leaving your house didn’t mean potentially ending up in that school parking lot by myself at 3 in the morning.
I’m driving, and I can feel it coming on. I knew it was going to happen as soon as you touched me and my thoughts immediately replaced your hands with his. I held it off the whole evening so I could enjoy my time with you but as soon as I’m alone again, I am truly alone. The wheel become harder to control as my hands start shaking and my breathing gets ragged. My head becomes lighter and fills […]