Im done. I just dont have the courage to end it and it frustrates me. I am just numb to the world and every day that passes just makes me feel less human and more numb. I am lonely but seem stuck this way as i seem unable to connect to anyone even at the most basic level. Socializing seems so foreign, it feels fake. I am tired. I was raised catholic and any faith i had has long since eroded. I wish it were just this one thing but it is not. It is a million tiny little things that just tells me i […]
Tag:
end
I always wondered why me. I asked God all the time why me. Please helo me not to go down tge wrong parth and i did. Please help me nit to gice up and i dmfeel it cliser and ciser coming to an end. I dont know why i try in the first place. Pain ALWAYS follows. Death needs to come alreadt seriously it does.
Dear city of more,
It seems like it will never end. I want to be out in the streets with you, out fighting the good fight but I am debilitated by this sorrow. I am not able to do my own work. I can only read articles and weave through media to get tangled in this debate that is no debate at all. I send to you love, the little I have in my heart. I am worn but will resist in the ways I can and will be there when I can, as much as I want to just die and not have to see […]
Before you read: A little bit about me. Im 15, IQ of 132, Always curious about how things work. Mind seems to wander off all the time thinking about things and for the most part a very caring person. And sorry if it offends some of you. But I am an atheist.
When I was growing up, I was in a small town. With about 1,000 people in total. I went to a small school that in total had about 300 kids in the Elementary, Junior high, and High school. In kindergarten-5th grade things went really good. I had a few really good friends, we’d hang out […]
I will buy you this book, I don’t have a discount, there is nothing in it for me other than the interesting perspective I think it might offer you.
Its called “This is How” by Augusten Burroughs. The description is:
If you’re fat and fail every diet, if you’re thin but can’t get thin enough, if you lose your job, if your child dies, if you are diagnosed with cancer, if you always end up with exactly the wrong kind of person, if you always end up alone, if you can’t get over the past, if your parents are insane and ruining your life, if you really […]
Minutes feel like hours days feel like years.Can’t get these fleeting thoughts of misery out of my head.I’m nearing the end I can feel it.I climb the 8 floors of an open parking garage multiple times a week trying to gather the courage to toss myself over the edge and end all the torment that I feel inside .I can’t get any peace no matter what I do I end up feeling so alone so sad so empty .I failed there’s nothing else to do nothing else to say.
I’ve been bipolar since forever, but the last six months have been getting progressively worse regarding suicidal thoughts. It is literally all I think about. My problem is my kids – they are 9 and 12, and I can’t put them through the trauma I would cause. They are the only thing that makes me happy, but at the same time, I resent them because they are the only thing keeping me here. My therapist thinks I’m actually thankful for them, but I know better 😉
I wrote a poem about my kids and my situation. I’m no poet, but maybe it will resonate with someone:
Cursed […]
Today was so fucking bad it made me realize a lot that I’ve been pushing down and what’s been happening for years is not okay. I feel the only way out is to leave everything and just escape from life
Tonight is the night I want to do it. However I am unprepared I have no note to leave for family or any remaining friends. Maybe of I devote the entirety of tomorrow to writing it I will be able to end it tomorrow night.
Um, hi. So I’ve been visiting this site for a quite a few months now and finally feel like I dont want to lurk in the shadows any more. Perhaps its because my bf of seven years just broke up with me and I finally feel like I seriously want to end it now. Maybe I am just an attention seeking weakling that should just get over it… idk. All I do know is that I feel different about suicide now. Before the thoughts were scary but now they offer a sense of comfort. Planing different ways I could do it is more exciting to […]
I am going to end it. Goodbye <3
It’s hard for me to put into words the way I feel. I call it my black cloud. The feeling of loneliness overwhelms me every day… I’m almost more comfortable this way. Its scary to admit that this “black cloud” is actually depression… It takes more of me every single day. I guess my question is when will it end? When will it completely consume me?
I have been planning to go away permanently for sometime now. I had a practise run and everything is set up.
The way it was determined will not make much sense to anyone. What am I even asking? I don’t know.
They sent me to hospital last Monday. I had not been sleeping I was hearing a lot of commands seeing things in my room. But all this has happened before. I admitted to having attempted to end my life but I have bipolar and bpd and I think that they just see all that as symptoms of my shit.
So the next two days […]
Why it seems that I’m begging for love? In everywhere, family, friends, even myself. And I still do not get any. Do I have to beg more? Am I ever going to receive some? From someone? Am I going to loved someday? How? When? From who? I just don’t know. Like I said in the last post, I’m reaching to an end, I’m having so much break downs, there’s so much pain, loneliness literally is killing me. But I’m such a coward to make something to change it. I hate myself. I humiliate myself trying to find love where it’s obvious That I’ll never gonna […]
As I drift through life and year after year passes me by with out any real direction, happiness or acheivements, I feel like im watching a crap film but I cant switch it off no matter how hard that I want to. You can’t slow time but you can make the most of it, like a lot of people I know do, but I cant seem to do the same leaving me with a lifetime ‘what ifs’ or ‘what could of beens’. I hate where my life has been for so many years and I fear the future so I spend my life reminiscing a […]
Soldiers don’t feel
they’re just tools of war
the worth of their lives
is more bloody the gore
some battles end quick
with a shot to the head
but the horror of slaughter
never comes to an end
I can still smell the reek
of a festering wound
and feel the infection
of a friend gone too soon
I wake up at night
and feel the grip of their hand
choking me with the truth
that I killed an innocent man
I did what they said
I obeyed their command
but now by myself
I’m the devil’s best friend
the only thing left
is that medal of bones
those […]
I can’t function in this life…I don’t belong here…too fucked up somehow…I want out, I want out…wish I could remove myself from existence and memory…I hate this feeling of bringing grief to my family and others…I don’t see myself ever overcoming whatever my malfunction is…it has been two decades now…why did I ever end up here in this life…I want out, I want out…
Thursday.
Thursday 19th March 2015.
“Loving son and brother.”
Someone will call it. Time of death.
Someone will have to make that awful call. Your son is dead.
People will have to tell people.
Some will be sad.
Some will be relieved.
Some won’t know how to feel.
So many things that could go wrong.
Extremely durable leather belt could snap.
Steel bed frame could break.
Lack of oxygen to my brain might not kill me.
Nothing will go wrong.
End of the road.
Home stretch.
No words of persuasion, please.
I feel so alone and like there is nothing left for me to do anymore. I do not see a point of me being here. I am going to plan things accordingly.. Until then.. I am going to do what ever it is to be okay but I need to figure out a better method. I do not like to put a lot of thought into it because sometimes I get scared about what ever it is that could go wrong and I would still be here. I hate that I have to suffer inside and that no one at school or at home sees […]
I always seem to end up in a melancholy state. No matter what I do I always end up there again. Things only go good for a while then bam. I got to start all over again from the beginning. It seems to happens no matter what I do.
I guess the reason I feel this way is, because I know no one really gives a fuck about anyone else. I’m guilty of this myself and the only reason I act the way I do is because everyone else is doing it, so why not me too then? Why should I be the one that gives […]