I can’t make friends. I’ve tried my whole life to blend in, to be like everyone else. But I just can’t. I thought I finally could make it. But it wasn’t a real friendship. People just want me to be available when they need me. But no one listens to me when I need company. I’m spending my days crying my heart out. Why does it happen to me? Why is everyone I’ve ever cared for happy and enjoying their lives and achieving their goals. Whereas I can’t do it. I’m not meant to do it.
I was so desperate and so in pain that […]
Tag:
endure
I know that people in my life, at work etc. will wonder why I took my own life. Suicide seems to be viewed as a tragic loss, especially by those who don’t suffer from depression but I feel that once hope is truly lost, it should be considered as finally being set free from the cage of mental anguish, the ending of all the misery and suffering that someone has endured. To succeed is the ultimate goal but I personally fear failure and rather than the endless sleep I seek, will it be the torment of waking up to the knowledge that I’ll continue to […]
I’ve suffered more pain in my 19 years than most endure in a lifetime. I’m so tired of going to bed every night hoping I won’t wake up, only to do just that and have the pain reply itself. No one in my life cares or even notices. I’ve attempted to end it once before, but I woke up in a pool of my own vomit instead. I tried to move on from suicide, but my life is a void. Nothing but lament can fill it. Everything jut seems so unease for me right now an I can’t stop this pain I’ve been feeling, it hurts […]
I can’t begin to describe the hell that I’ve been put through for the last 8 months. I won’t even try. All I can say is that I have been scammed, robbed, taken for all I have/had and left to suffer the financial consequences, the shame and the betrayal. I can’t believe that someone that I helped through the worst times of their life could do this to me. Bottom line, they robbed me for close to 30k.
All I can think about is that if there was ever a time to end my life, now is it. This is rock bottom. This person has made […]
I’m trying to endure, hope against hope, but the obvious is staring me in the face… nothingness, nothing really to look forward to, I’m alone. One night stands are easy and empty – I can’t cope any longer, time is drawing nigh.
I just want to sleep, dreamless, for eternity.
My life is destroyed beyond repair due to actions and decisions I made while having bipolar episodes. My financial state is ruined because of mania and my academic/professional state is in tatters because of depression. I have wasted time, ignored my talents, and destroyed my opportunities.
I have been on countless medications, slogged through endless CBT appointments. Nothing is working. I have no hope left. I am a ruined, broken creature. I do not have it in myself to continue any longer.
I regret leaving behind those that care for me – especially my boyfriend and father. However, I cannot […]
I am a strong person. I am 27. I tried to gut mysel, samurai-style, ten years ago. I clinged to life and vowed to never, ever give up on life. On the way I found the peace of God.
My girl and wife-to-be left me after 2 years and a half. We couldn’t make each other happy, we couldn’t stop hurting and failing each other. She was perfect in ways many cannot imagine: beautiful (a german model), sweet, bright, spiritual. Good cook. Good friend. Good lover. Loved me to her core, was there always for me. Perfect. I thought God was speaking to me through her, […]
“People pontificate, “Suicide is selfishness.” Career churchmen like Pater go a step further and call in a cowardly assault on the living. Oafs argue this specious line for varying reason: to evade fingers of blame, to impress one’s audience with one’s mental fiber, to vent anger, or just because one lacks the necessary suffering to sympathize. Cowardice is nothing to do with it – suicide takes considerable courage. Japanese have the right idea. No, what’s selfish is to demand another to endure an intolerable existence, just to spare families, friends, and enemies a bit of soul-searching.â€
I find it grossly unfair that if I had a terminal illness I would be discussing its ramifications with my daughter and preparing her for my demise. But because I intend to depart by my own hand, I have to stay silent and she’ll have to endure the shock and the potential lifetime effects of not only my death, but having no preparation for it. All of the questions she’ll have later I would gladly answer now, but that’s against the rules.
My mother is a narcissist. My mother is a professional victim. My mother is a fine actress although she’s never been on stage. As a child, I wasn’t allowed to breathe without her permission, input, critique, or criticism. She convinced people that she was a loving mother — a little overprotective, perhaps — but a loving mother and a devoted, long-suffering wife. All that came out of her mouth were sighs of her having to endure my volatile father and her shit daughter. Not my sister — she went to medical school so she’s an expert on every subject. I’m the lawyer, and hence, the moron in the family. My daughter and I […]
When I was young I prayed to god to ‘look after my family, send angels to protect them and if he had to, take my life instead of theirs so I wouldn’t endure the pain of their loss’ I prayed the same prayer for almost ten years, for a child with no life experience I couldn’t help but obsess over this worst pain scenario?
Last night I screamed. For the first time in a long time I tried to scream out all my pain, no noise came out though. The sense of reality forced a shit load of tears instead. My swollen eyes made it hard […]
I always thought of changing my life style and everything, before beginning of something big like college, job. I tired my best to fit in to there college lifestyle, I did make a lot of friends i was happy but after few weeks something happened i don’t know what all of a sudden everyone started to think of my as clown, Started picking on me but i didn’t say a word against them and that made things even worse, which made me talk of the town literally as i live in a town. you see the same faces everyday. which gave people the opportunity to talk shit behind my back. I can fell […]
Humans aren’t born with an innate sense of fear, we’re taught to fear things in life. I fear knives and falling; and for that very reason opted to not take my life that way. But bleeding to death and falling from a significant height is not only fatal, but you pass out relatively quickly or die instantaneously. They’re methods that I’ve been avoiding because of my stupid fear of driving the knife through my abdomen or free falling to the ground. Fuck the plastic bag and struggling! Fuck the tight closet that is completely useless! I’m going to stab myself and whether I become […]
I’m tired.
Life’s for those who can handle it.
Not me.
Suicide is for those who are brave enough to bid farewell.
Not me again.
So where do I fit in?
I’m closer to suicide. The pills, fast trains, slim blades, deep oceans – I don’t want to be here anymore.
I can’t endure anymore pain.
.. but nothing more than an artificial light.
I can’t seem to be able to express myself properly much anymore. Nor can I express this pain that is so deeply imbedded in my heart and my soul, from there on it has hurt my body badly, and this goes on, and on, in a perpetual cycle. The sun has gone for so long. My spirit has gone for so long. I am debilitated by the relentless pain I continue to carry. It has been 6 months, and in these 6 months I have only learned of more and more that has hurt me so much until […]
Im a 21 yr old man and have been suffering from severe depression and even worse social anxiety for about half my life. Ive been a victim to mental,physical, and the worst imo sexual abuse. The last 3 years ive really just wondered why im still here and whats the point when i just isolate myself to my room all day. I actually get kinda pissed somedays especially when im on a drug and alcohol binge and i manage to awake after doing a bunch of dope and drinking jack n cokes. Why does mental health care suck so bad? Ive been to numerous doctors,shrinks,etc. […]
I was told my self deliverance would be a most selfish act. Â I was told I should think of my family and the loss they would feel.
I am,therefore , sorry that I must deprive my family of whatever delight they might have felt by watching me die a slow painful death. Do they really hate me so much that I must suffer daily to provide them with a pleasure so great that it exceeds the agony I must endure.
Why is their enjoyment in my suffering of more value than the one right I have left (the right to end my pain).
So I ask “Am i […]
I’m here but, not all the way. I feel as if I am dying alive. Thye world is picking at my wounds. My cuts are being doused with ALCOHOL! I no longer feel as if, I am a human. I am hurting inside more than words will allow me to explain. I mutiliated my body again, I slash for each person who has hurt me. I Cant deal with this horrible pain. Shattered glass stabs me from within, I bleed an invisible blood. I drip sorrow from my eyes. Where has all of this anger come from, why are my dreams terrorizing my reality? Why […]
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