There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I am so disappointed in myself… last week I finally seemed to get a grip on my Psyche but nope.
This morning the voices and the doubts and the fear crashed back into my consious like a Bulldozer with airhorns.
The laughter, taunting and insults returned blarring in my head… it is so loud. I can’t eat or drink, I get sick from it.
Thanks to this I tried on a large plastic bag to see if it was suitable and to remove any anxiety once I hopefully get the strenght to fucking end this shit.
Talking with friends pushes them away each time. Shit, I lost a promising […]
How can my mind get any better when there is so much negative experience constantly happening. I remember before my first bouts of depressions and I wasn’t normal then. Me at my best wasn’t enough for me to have a good healthy life, why would me after all this struggle be any good? I want good enough then, now I’m beyond bad
My goals are simple now, I just have to have the courage or order a couple of things. Just wish it was cheaper
Just do it and don’t look back
Ok so I’am sitting on a bunk bed , yes a bunk bed of course the bid nice house was a lie its a two leveled apartment with three room all small. I’m staying in the smallest room with two sets of bunk beds. that I think half the sizes of twins and since my husband refuses to sleep in separate bed for two night I sleept in a wall. When I asked to sleep by my slef the whole group said if you fitted on the couch at his grandmothers whats the Problem.
So t
Lake tahoe looks like a shitty little mountain town with enough […]
I do not know what to do, what to think. I truly do believe that my husband does not want me around anymore even though he tries to make fighting arguments that he loves me and that he wants me to be here. I am having by far the worst time in my life and he can’t even be there how he used to be. He used to be so patient. Do entirely blame him for it though. He has gone through a lot with me in the last almost 4 years of being together, a year and a half of being married and 11 […]
Yes, the actual Earth is beautiful, blah, blah, blah… That’s like telling a maid she should be thrilled busting her back, because she gets to work in somebody else’s big mansion, everyday.
Anybody else want to kill themselves, not just because they’re depressed, but because they think the whole process of human life is shitty? The whole process of being a human, everyday, is just unbearably dull?
I’ve been depressed, before. This time, it’s different. This time, I’m just sick of this crap. It goes far beyond a feeling of simple boredom, just as depression goes far beyond a feeling of being simply sad.
I’m speaking of the […]
When dose the pain end drowning in thoughts going to sleep praying by some miracle you don’t wake up and waking up trying to find a good enough reason to live but you can find anyone iv just had enough what’s the point why am I fighting so much to live if I’m just live to die so unhappy what do u do when your life is a mess and all u think about is death how can u live this way
Hey you, you know who you are.
I just wanted to write you a little something personal. And no, I am not blaming others entirely for my short comings like you think I do. And I know you say “you don’t have to be like your siblings” but I know that’s just kind of pretend.
Because I know you have done the same shit with them. For some reason they worked out better then I did. But, you told me you’re disappointed in all of us for individual reasons anyway.
Oh and I am sorry for that your dream of becoming rich and beautiful has not worked out because you […]
Fuck you shapes close enough voila
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Nobody knows that I suffer from depression. I walk and talk with a smile, confidently and securely. But I ache. With each step that I take, it’s like the ground pushes back on my feet, sends a vibration up my body til my teeth shake and I bite my tongue. I bite my tongue to not cry. To not scream. To not die. I hate my skin and yet I love it. Why do I lotion it? What does it even matter to a body that doesn’t want to live? I wake up and I eat. What does eating matter to a stomach that doesn’t […]
I’m falling hitting every branch on the way down
crash bang wallop rock bottom head pounding no sound are around pitch black look around it dark here nothing grows only pain a sorrow black smoke no rainbows
best friends Ray and he cuts flesh not deep enough to die just enough to feel alive watch the blood glide
it could be sunny out side by its raining in here
so I’ve been thinking, what I said before is true but, I couldn’t end my life for the sake of my mother. I know she hurts and I couldn’t put her through anymore. I want to tell her everything. I want to talk to her and help her. I made a promise to myself last night that I will always be here for her. no matter how much pain I have to go through. I have enough as it is but for my mother I would do anything. she’s the strongest person I’ve seen in my life and my hero. I’ll absolutely do anything for […]
I want to die. I want to leave this place. All I want to say is… I AM SORRY. I am sorry I am so broken. I am sorry I don’t make any sense. I am sorry I am a burden. I am sorry I have gotten in the way. I am sorry for leaving you, but I am also sorry I stayed so long. I am sorry I am the way I am. I am sorry I am sick. I am sorry I haven’t done or said the right things. I am sorry I haven’t tried hard enough. I know this is my fault […]
I’m sick of being bullied everyday for not being good enough for not bowing down to what everyone says. I’ve lost control of life but I don’t want to get back in control of life. I want control of death and finally end it all. Five attempts should say enough. Anyone feel the same?
(EDIT): I have my story (all 5 of them) I’m sure you have your’s…. I’ll share if you share 🙂
I’m not sick of feeling the way I feel, I’ve grown use to it and I have welcomed it and I now embrace it with every fiber in me. […]
I’m not going to mention the username of the person this message is for, but they will know it’s for them and that’s what matters.
My dear friend
I scan the entries on SP expecting to see a final post from you or from someone posting that you’re gone. I no longer visit SP as often as I did because I’m scared of what I’ll see. I look to see what you’re saying in your responses to others to see how you are.
When you emailed to say you might be leaving soon, I responded that it was best I said nothing. If I say “ok, […]
so last night thought iv had enough of this shitty life so I swallowed a bunch of pills layed down hopening for a nice send off but
guess what woke up in the hospital pale looking like shit then get home to find out the medic took the rest of the pills so I some how need to get more then and try a different method
i think tonight’s the night to try again we’ll see how things go had enough of life i feel iv lived long enough you know when people say things get better when is that ? Happiness isn’t promised think I’m living with faults hopes with no plans for the future no goals just the battle everyday with myself this isn’t living life it’s just surviving another day and having to act like your doing fine and handling life but really your face down in the gutter drowning in thought trying to keep your head above water if this is how the rest of my life […]
Oh, fuck it, stop saying it gets better, just stop… it’s a bad joke.
I mean, why is it, that people genuinely don’t want me to die, “oh no, please don’t kill yourself, i mean, we’ll still hate you, you won’t accomplish anything, and even if you could, we won’t let you because we hate you, remember?”
It’s like they can smell it on me, how ‘pathetic’ and ‘retarded’ I am, fuck, even online, people seem to avoid me or stamp me out like the plague…
Really, they just don’t want to feel guilty for being a shit, and if they get a good laugh out of it, […]