Tomorrow will be my last day here. I Have purchased all my supplies for the Helium bag method. Thank you all for your posts and comments. The information on this site has been very helpful. I am not terminally ill but I have ruined my life. I have hurt everything that I loved in this world. I am ready to leave so I can stop hurting those I love. I have two young children and a beautiful wife, all of which I have hurt. Good Bye
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I Myself have been secretly depressed when alone its not because i dont like being around people its just that i dont feel like anyone needs me around. Today is the 30 and my friend who passed away almost a year ago’s birthday is tommorrow and i dont think that im going to be able to make it more than a couple more days. I cry once so every often hard and i tend to smoke alot of cigarettes when i do. Ive done everything seen a therapist, taken medication which led to an abuse problem and ive been cleen for the last 5 months […]
its been a few months since iv been on! but is it wrong for one person love 2 ppl at the same time?
iv been in love with my ex for almost a year now. but iv cut all connections with him. cuz he leads me on and ditches me all the time
but there is something i get over him.
and the guy I’m with currently treats me like a queen.
but my ex has saved my life from my trying to kill myself but then he always makes me want to do it.
almost a year ago i got raped
so many ppl […]
I’m 24, sort of successful with my studies I guess, got a bachelors degree in math, admitted to a US university to study math with tuition paid by teaching assistantship, good future and career ahead of me, if I cared for boasting, I would say I have pretty high IQ and stuff… my parents are proud, my sister is proud, my thesis supervisor is proud, my friends are proud.
I don’t care.
we broke up with my now ex-gf almost a year ago after a wonderful seven years. I’m not over it, I doubt I’ll ever will. and while I miss her every night (or someone she […]
I keep trying and nothing is ever good enough for anyone. I give him everything he wants, do whatever he tells me but that’s not enough. I just want to be done…with everything.
Out of all my friends I am one of the most suicidal unfortunately.
When I admitted to The clinic, my closest friend had already been in here for a month prior due to an Eating Disorder.
When I’d get severely down she’d always say “we can do it together” I always said “no. I refuse to drag you down with me” and I meant it. Jess doesn’t actually want to die, she has an ED that wrecks her life but I can see hope for her. She’d been well once, she can be well again.
And then I met Britt. Both these girls were so much […]
I know what I want to do. I’ve always known it. Yet somehow it never gets done. I asked my therapist to just think of me finally getting everything he ever thought I would enjoy. People don’t think that way; especially not therapists. I am ashamed of my feelings. I think of all of the people who will die today; many of whom have very real reasons for wanting to live. I just think why can’t it be me? If X number of ppl need to die today why can’t one of them be me. A person who doesn’t want to live anymore. Do any […]
Last year I had an abortion… It was unplaned and my dad had told me before that he’ll kill himself if I let him down… He was on his knees crying like a baby when he said that, and that was the image I kept in my mind trough the procedure. My bf ay the time didn’t push me to do it… But neither showed me another option. So I did it and tried to live normally after that. I justo couldn’t. I finished the relationship because looking at his face remind me every time what have I done. And I found someone who gain […]
So I ended up here because I thought I might meet people who think and feel like me.
Every single post makes me feel as if it was mine. But the thing is that here or in real life I’m not able to confront my fears of being rejected and meet new people.
So I thought maybe if I stated my centers of interests I might meet someone who share them.
1. I’m a BIG HUGE fan of Ken Follett.
2. I’m a pianist and I love music above everything else (not only classical but also rock and alternative, my favourite band being Coldplay)
3. I love reading and building […]
went to my first therapist session today. …
yeah i really can’t do this. i thought so seriously about killing myself afterwards. i mean, not more seriously than i have before. it’s just… i can never explain to anyone how this feels. i hate everything, and i try so fucking hard all the time to just get along
but i’m stupid, and i make mistakes, and everything is just so goddamn pointless and i never get any joy out of anything and i know people want me here now but i still don’t care, and i guess i hate myself for that, too, but what am […]
Hey my name is Ricky n I am going through a lot of trouble with my spinal scoliosis n my anxiety issues. Plus at times I have had a lot of questionable things that I need help my spine is killing me it hurts from.my name all the way down to where my butt bone. I’m tired I can’t sleep well Its So annoying at times my shoulder bones n ribs feel like they’re getting twisted all over the place my back n everything else on.my body it’s so bothersome. N feel a lot of negativity in my life at the moment I have a […]
Yesterday, I completely lost hope. I needed to die. Like right now. I was choking because of my tears. My bestfriend – and the guy I’m in love with – didn’t want me to talk to him anymore. Because everything was my fault. Because it was my fault that I fell in love with him. Because it was my fault that everyone has noticed it.
I can’t live without him. Even the weird relationship we’re having was much sufficient for me to hold on. But him cutting me out of his life was too much for me to handle.
I scarred myself. But I didn’t bleed to […]
Today was the first day of my senior year, and I’m already having problems. Freshman and sophomore year were so rough for me, all cause of a stupid boy who ruined everything for me. As a result of our rocky breakup and all the drama that came with it, I started cutting. Then I started taking pills at night at first just anything for me to pass out, but that just progressed to taking as much as I can for a more lasting affect.. I was put on a 51/50 and stayed in a mental facility for 3 days. A few months after that I […]
people always say that if you say you want to kill yourself you never truly will, i keep playing the words over and over in my head like a dare issued by a bully. i wouldn’t say its hope that stops me every time, its just fear. i’m a coward and i will always be. i know without a shadow of doubt that my life has no purpose. i used to belief that my family meant everything to me but ever since my mother become ill i have felt loneliness swallow me whole.
My newest and probably last song. I havent been on for a bit. I have really been trying to feel better. But I cant. She is the most beautiful woman in the world and the 2 of them were my everything. I dont want to do this without them. I cant keep going on faking that im ok. Im not. Soon, I will be gone and I wont be a burden or bother to anyone anymore.
I hope one day she sees this and will know how much they ment to me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-vGzh3tj1Y
I can’t wait until the day i return to nonexistence. I hate the world, I hate what humans have done to the world. They destroyed it like they do everything else. I look at just about everyone with disdain. I have nothing to live for, no kids, pets, hopes or dreams. I care about my family, but not enough to tolerate this world for them.
The only thing really stopping me is my fear or failing and ending up as a vegetable or paralyzed from the neck down. I’m trying to convince my mother to buy a shotgun so I can eradicate the possibility or either […]
I’m scared. I’m scared of myself. I’m scared that I won’t, can’t feel. See, since the day I was born I have had this steadily growing indifference to life. For the past year I’ve been getting this feeling that everything is meaningless, pointless and that terrifies me. I just want to know that if someone I love dies I can feel the pain in losing them, actually be able to cry, somehow force myself to care. I don’t know how I move day to day with this feeling so ingrained in my soul that at some point I’ll feel nothing, not even the fear of […]
My life is perfect today.This depression is deafening. I cant see a thing. My vision is blurred. All I can dream of is death, I just in no way can tolerate one more day, I willingly want to die but I feel im being selfish. Im so much hurt that death looks beautiful. I need the stable peace, I have tried twice this time im jumping off a high building if I can have access to one. Im yet to complete my suicide note. I dont want to hurt my family, but I know im doing it very soon.. everything in my life is in […]
The past few months have been really hard, with the experiences of my past and the relationships I have with my family now, I feel like I can’t go on with all of this rubbish.
I see a therapist to help me try to get back on track with my life and I take anti-depressants, but I feel like my reactions and emotions with what has happened is permanently seared into my heart and soul. Whenever I wake up and I get that painful stab in my chest, you the feeling of your heart literally breaking. I cry almost everyday, longest I have gone without crying […]
That’s how I feel. I want to die, but I feel stuck now. There are people who love me. People who want to see me get far in life. But I barely have any motivation to do anything. I don’t have a job, and I wasn’t able to graduate last year because of the sheer amount of days I missed from school. My ex is the total opposite of me. He has likes, wants, goals, and tons of motivation. He graduated high school last year, and took on a job at wal-mart to support his hobbies. I’m this person who’s dependent on medication and even […]