I’m nothing

Last year I had an abortion… It was unplaned and my dad had told me before that he’ll kill himself if I let him down… He was on his knees crying like a baby when he said that, and that was the image I kept in my mind trough the procedure. My bf ay the time didn’t push me to do it… But neither showed me another option. So I did it and tried to live normally after that. I justo couldn’t. I finished the relationship because looking at his face remind me every time what have I done. And I found someone who gain my trust, so I tell him about what have I done. He said he wont judge me and claim that he was in love with me. Everything was ok… But at times he remembered that I’m not perfect… That he walked away from the perfect girl that treat him like a king for 8 years and gave up all of that for me… That apparently I worth it… But there was something in his head… I didn’t quite fit in the plan he had since always… It wasn’t my fault… He said… But still he acted cold for some days… He came back eventually and everything was fine. Till I start making mistakes… “You don’t know me! You won’t have any of this problems of You knew me! But You allways wanna make a fool of me! You don’t love me! You gave everything yo your stupid ex’s and now there’s nothing left form me!” and he kept going making me feel like less than nothing and remind me everytime ALL he gave up to form me and what a stupid mistake that was… And the few times I’ve tried to tell him how I feel I turn out like an evil person who can’t think of how much is HE suffering… Of how much pain is HE in… How everything is caused by me so I should find a way to fix it instead of feeling sad or crying about it like a stupid… I’m so scared… Everything I say turns out The wrong way, I try my best to show him that I love him but it’s never enough… He keeps saying that he loves me and he wanna give me the world… But I cry everyday… Every day I feel worthless and stupid… Every day I feel like I’m not enough… And it hurts so bad… I don’t wanna feel hurt anymore…