It’s always nice to know that my family unanimously agrees that I’m a world class fuck-up. They expected me to completely and utterly ruin anything and everything for everyone at a wedding, and was completely baffled that everything turned out fine. But they are still dissapointed for a reason they refuse to enlighten me about. What in the holy hell have I ever done wrong? Whatever, it doesn’t matter what I did they’re still going to hate me for who I am regardless of what I do.
I’m gunna be straight forward and say I’ve never attempted suicide. I’ve thought about it many times, but never tried. The main reason I haven’t is because I’m scared. Everything in my life has been determined through safety. I’m scared of almost everything. I scared to let people in, to talk to people, to do something wrong, to look stupid, or to let people down (just to name a few). My parents constantly fight and I go most days without having a real conversation with anyone. My friends and family all have this expectation of how they feel I should be. Which is smiling, happy, quiet, […]
I’ve always wanted to kill myself, ever since I was like 14. I never really got to try till I was 18. I was never happy with myself. I always failed at everything and I was sick of it. I’m tired of being treated like nothing, feeling worthless, feeling like I do not matter. My ex girlfriend made me feel so much better about myself till she cheated on me in the worst way possible and only made everything worse. I found myself back where I was. Surrounded by 4 walls, looking for anything to hurt myself with but pills wont work anymore. I don’t […]
I’m sick and tired of never being ‘that person’. I’m always the ‘extra’, the girl there, the invisible one, the girl that came with someone, the un-existing. I hate myself for that, but I can’t show me as I am with everybody… I believe I’m too weird. I guess it must be that because everybody says that I’m hard to talk to. That I don’t think like everybody, that I’m weird. An outsider. I want someone to care. I want someone to come over and say hey! let’s talk; instead of: Is she your friend? Can you help me with her? I fucking hate my […]
I hate my life. I’m so depressed.. It all started about a year ago. There was this guy I had liked for a while and we finally started talking. The first few weeks, everything was great. We texted just about everyday. Exchanged the finest words. Things were perfect. Then suddenly one day it’s like he just forgot about me. He started tweeting about this other girl and it made me feel invisible. Once him and her stopped talking, we started again. Then another girl came into the picture. I hated seeing them flirt at school. Anyways, he’d flip flop back and forth between her and […]
Is it wrong, should I push through this and give my baby a chance at life even though he wont ever know his real mommy? Baby isnt viable yet not that it makes me feel any better…I just cant last through the rest of my pregnancy.
Every day is harder to live..I already have everything ready for me to go..the dad couldnt care less about me, but claims to want the baby even though initially he told me to abort it. I cant leave the baby alone with him when Im gone, hes an addict and his new girlfriend hates me and will hate my […]
Nothing is getting any better. I thought that after cancer I could face anything… that the world had to throw me some sort of bone, but it hasn’t. I don’t know what to do anymore. The only thing i wake up for is my job… and here people are constantly yelling. I get scared and i want to be held… but the only man who i trust to hold me cant stay here for much longer. i dont want to rely on him to be my savior. frankly, i’m tired of being saved. I want nothing more than to sleep, but as of late, that’s […]
First off I want to say thank you for all the people or most of the people who could understand and took time to be with me last night. I felt good when I was close to leaving that you people really cared even though you don’t know me. So thank you for that. And for that one person who was rude and inconsiderate please don’t comment. But I am going to stay positive.
So as you all know I hit rock bottom last night and couldn’t do it anymore. And I couldn’t take living anymore. So I acted. Not like other times where I was […]
i am nothing. every since my best friend Danny died my life has become less than shit. he was the person i could talk to when i had no one else who i could. my family hates me and its like no matter what i do i can never make them happy more or less me. i miss him so much and it seem like everyday i have to find a reason to stay on this earth. ive tried so many times to die and i come so close every time but someone ends up saving me somehow. that doesnt mean they love me. i […]
So I finally thought I had a reason to keep living. I thought I was going to be finally happy again in my life that I hadn’t felt in years. I thought it was good again. I finally fixed things with the girl and the love of my life. But like always I fuck everything up in my life and make things bad again. So now being back down again I find out I have to have a heart ultrasound done cuz I might have a thick heart or something like that. And if I have anything wrong with my heart I can’t do the […]
Is it weird that part of me is afraid of the water? I guess that’s why I don’t go swimming cause I almost drowned 2 times, once when I was little and another time when I had to save my little sister from drowning in the ocean even though she weighed more than me. And another part of me just doesn’t like the water. Ever since I saved my little sister ( 3 years younger than me) from drowning I have not gone in the water really, Ive only gone in when I had to, for example camp when I had to surf and swim in Catalina […]
Is it just me but talking to psychiatrist or counsellor or anybody doesn’t help… They just give you pills and everything will be “okay”. I haven’t talked to anyone about my depression and social anxieties in person, only on here as I feel people are more understanding… Since they experienced before. I find its better to type what you feel instead in person. If I tell them about my depression and social anxieties, they bound to say “get over it”, “stop being pessimistic”, “go see the doctor”…etc.*sigh* if only…. If only…. I have one wish…. Maybe life would be easier. …. I’ll probably be happier. […]
But still, I hate when I have dreams so vivid and real it’s like I’m seriously there. I could feel everything last night in my one particular dream. Feeling the slice and stab of the knife as I tried defending myself. That after-the-fact pain, the bleeding. I could see the bleeding. It was so real, the way it seeped down my side and soaked into my shirt. I strangely enjoyed that.
Self harm withdrawal? Medication side effects? A combination of both? Who knows.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VjTG21T8aU
Hey y’all. I’ve been a long time lurker and just decided to make an account. Reading some of the things here seems to help me sleep at night and reminds me that there’s always an alternative to life.
My title to this post is tired of life and that statement couldn’t be any truer for me right now. Fourth of July just past and I celebrated it with my blood relatives, relatives and their friends. The party was at my aunts house and she has a pool and yard for fireworks. Many people would be excited to enjoy the beautiful day out in the sunshine, […]
i cant handle life alone.
i desperately want to die.
i self-harm to feel better and make the pain of being an outcast and all alone.
i wonder why it is ME that cant have friends….obviously, I MUST BE DEFECTIVE…but how do i locate the defect?
i need the pain to STOP….since i’ve tried everything else, i want SUICIDE to take it (all the pain and sh!!t in my life) away….forever…..a permanent solution to an ongoing problem…i see ZER0 hope in this ever changing into something good and worthwhile.
i thought humans were “mentally wired” to be with other people…then WHY does my higher power allow ME to be destitute […]
So I know I have been posting things like this a lot lately. But yesterday I finally pushed the one person that was really holding me around. I told her that we can’t be friends anymore or can’t date or nothing. I know a lot of you will say why would you push someone away like this or do something like that. Well I don’t want her to take blame for if or when I do this. I don’t want her to hold the fault for the rest of her life. Cuz it’s not her fault and she should never take the blame. And I […]
She lived with me for a year and we were each others everything and then she started doing whatever the fuck she wanted and didnt respect me so i broke up with her and she packed up and left. That year was so broken and fucked up but i loved her with everything in my body everything but i couldnt take the feeling of her slipping away (I could tell we were loosing our love) But even though i broke up with her I still love her so much and i wish i never did it but its too late shes trying so hard not […]
Two nights ago I nearly died from an overdose. Before I took the drug I was suicidal but as I was ODing I freaked out and did everything to survive. The entire next day I was so relieved to be alive and felt that this was the turning point I needed. That night I felt myself change back, and all the depression and insecurities slipped back in. Today I find myself wishing that I did die because I am faced with constant reminders that I am useless and will never live a satisfactory life. I’m sitting here thirsty, starving and unable to go to the […]
I have thought about committing suicide quite a few times, but I don’t have the guts to go through with it. I’m a burden on my family. My wife and kids would be so much better off without me. They could have a new “Dad” in their lives who didn’t screw things up and make a mess of everything. They might even get some insurance money to help them pay off the debt we’ve incurred because of me. I know it would hurt them and I know that many will say it’s selfish to commit suicide, but I’m not sure of another way to ensure […]
It’s oddly werid really,
how the sorrow comes back after every laugh,
The slight stinging sensation,
Prickling my numbing hurt.
I loved her, I really do,
She was my all , my everything , the love of my life,
and everything that I could ask for,
I promised to protect her forever , and yet it was me who made that promise a never.
I hurt her, I caused her worry, I made her grieve,
All because of my twisted thoughts, my twisted ways and twisted being.
I ruined her, her present ,her future,
And there’s nothing I can do apart from saying a miserable ” I’m sorry” that can never help with anything.
She smiles, she […]