It hurts to love people that don’t love you back. To give everything you have to someone who wouldn’t hesitate to throw you away. But worst of all to be ignored because you are so insignificant to anyone in this world. But alone is how I’m used to ending up people always come and go and I’m tired of being the type of person that gives a shit. I want to not give a fuck I want to be the person that leaves that is horrible to people. Those are the people that have good friends that would jump to save them, they are the […]
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everything
I don’t know where to start. I’m a girl, I’m 20 and I think I’ve completely ruined my life.
I have cheated on my boyfriend of three years several times when drunk. I had sex with one, and the others were kisses only.
what can I do? Well, I’ve told him. He forgave me. But I did it once more than he knows about. I don’t know what to do, I don’t think there’s any way out. I love him so much, I truly do. I don’t know why I do it when I’m drunk.
You can say it, I’m a complete *****. I know.
But guys, I think […]
Im strung out on coke and weed. And all I can think of is that one day when I survived. I think about it everyday and wonder what I did wrong to have to survive in this world. I literally have everything yet I feel like I have nothing. I just want the pain to go away.
I love you truly do deep down I just try my best not to feel it anymore. I know that we messed up equally that neither of us is solely to blame for this disaster. But I feel like I could have been better, tried harder, supported you more. I didn’t mind hurting myself or loosing myself but loosing you the idea of hurting you it kills me. Because I can accept failure in any other aspect of life just not with you. So to be honest I’m not ok, I’m not happy, I lied about everything that I’ve said. I do want you still, […]
Like most people I’ve lived my life hoping the end would come quick and painless. When I decided to end my life I researched all the quick and painless ways, settling on a combination of methods that would supposedly do the trick in a dozen heartbeats or less, all the while being drunk and drugged out of my wits so I wouldn’t feel a thing.
How wrong. I realize now, injured and alone (don’t worry, this is not The One) that I like this feeling. Lying here feeling damaged beyond repair with no one pestering me to bandage myself up of go to the hospital or […]
I hate feelings. Why do I have to feel? Sometime I feel everything at once to the point where I end up having a mental breakdown or crying or hurting, but other days I feel nothing. I feel nothing and I don’t know how I feel and I want to get mad but I end up feeling nothing. So I don’t know what my problem really is now. I don’t know what’s worse either. Drowning in my own mind or dying from the thirst.
This is beginning to be too much. The world has been so dark and hopeless for the past year. I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me. I keep telling myself, “You’re fine. Get the fuck out of bed, and live your life.” only to discover that I have no motivation. I tell myself I do, but I don’t. After the stress, the tears, the panic attacks, the breakdowns. I can’t bring myself to admit that I need help. I don’t need help. I just don’t. I can’t bring myself to even talk to people anymore. Everyone thinks I’m mad at them, but ever since […]
I’m sixteen and just recently got caught shoplifting. I’m so stupid. I have one of the highest gpas in my school, play a varsity sport, and successfully take the hardest APs at my school but I threw everything away with this one mistake. My parents blame themselves when it’s all my fault not theirs. They barely make enough to support our family yet I selfishly cost them more so that I can get an attorney in hopes that this won’t remain on my record. If this stays on my record I don’t have any chance of going anywhere in life and all that stress and […]
The love of my life left me six weeks ago. We have been together 7 years, have been best friends for 12 years, and we have 2 daughters. She is my world, my everything. I’ve invested my entire heart and soul into her. I gave up every dream I had to be with her. She was that much to me. When we got together, our love transcended time. Romeo and Juliet was a farce in comparison to us. Our souls were connected, we loved beyond measure. At least that was what I believed. You see, I have always been depressed. I’ve lived with depression and […]
There are many fairies.
Some are good, some are bad.
But they are all beautiful.
The bad fairies can easily take over.
There’s the anorexic fairy,
She makes you perfectly thin,
But she’s fatal.
The self harm fairy whispers to you cutting is the only way out.
The suicide fairy pushes you off a cliff.
Pulls the trigger or gives you the ideas.
Then there’s the fake fairy.
She forces you to smile,
But puts you down and makes you cry.
Then there’s the fairy, who isn’t really a fairy.
It’s a bully. All the fairies are bullies.
They seem gorgeous and perfect.
But they […]
There used to be a world for us.
A place to go after paying a monthly tribute.
A place where we could be and do what we want.
Where the struggles and injustices of the day just flow away.
And you can finally just relax and have fun.
But that world is dying; much like that thing you call your life.
That thing where you receive blessings of many blobs of insecurities that in turn spout out more insecurities.
Until finally an ocean is created and those who don’t fit the norm are left on the shore to be labeled as defective.
Marked with names that crash into […]
I’m just so done with this stupid life. I’ve never fit in no matter what. I suck at life and want to die. I have no purpose or meaning in my life. I’m a failure and all I do is suck at life. The only purpose to my life is that of being a fucking loser nobody. I hate myself.
I’m never going to have friends. Nobody likes me. I’m drinking to numb my pain before another suicide attempt.
I’m going to try a variety of things tonight. I don’t belong here in this world and don’t know why I’m even here.
all that I am good at […]
Despite watching everything in my life crumble and dissintigrate into nothing around me, my best friend from home decides to text me out of the blue. After handling her crisis, she says to me, ” You have always been the strongest and most grounded person I have ever known and will ever know.” What she doesn’t know is her text stopped me from inhaling a rather large handful of assorted pills. Her comment…I don’t know if I feel more ashamed for wanted to take my life or if I feel better for knowing that I can keep my fading life under control for other people.
I […]
Take everything in stride and try to enjoy everything for what it is. I understand it’s easier said than done. But take that risk of believing and never giving up anything that’s worth it.Things will run their course and just remember when things get bad from darkness comes light and most importantly always remain yourself never lose sight of you.
Who am I?
The only question I’ve never been able to answer.
Even as a small girl I never really knew who i was.
As if I’ve been living a lie for so long that I can no longer recognize the real me from what I’ve become.
When i think about the fact that I’ve never told anyone everything about me, I realize that I don’t even know everything about myself.
But how is that possible?
Why can’t I remember everything?
Why do I not know myself?
I can’t be the encourager and you the discourager. I can’t tell you not to kill yourself while I’m over here cutting and getting blood all over my mattress and internally screaming out to God to strike me down right where I sit.
I thought for once, I’d be able to be okay. It’s hard to think when all these thoughts are in your head. You’re like a ticking time bomb. The wrong person cuts a wire, and you explode. And you’re nothing. Because they made you feel worthless. Like everything you ever did for them was nothing.
The title describes me completely…I’m a worthless idiot,a pathetic piece of shit…
I fail at everything I do.I do nothing right.Everyone who trusted in me ended up being disappointed by my worthlessness.My parents,my relatives,my friends,my ex girlfriend…And the list of people who I’ve disappointed continues…
Just to show you how much more I can fail,I’ve even failed at dying.Yes,I failed at dying.Two weeks ago I have slit my wrists,but I,being the pathetic idiot I am,was afraid that cutting ”too deep” will give me too much pain…See?I can’t even kill myself right.I had to go to the E.R. and I looked like the complete idiot I am when […]
my parents have done so much for me
yet im failing all my subjects and im fat and i just feel so much burden. Everytime i think about one bad result, everything come crashing down and i think about my future and then dying and then i just wish somebody would kill me.
someone please kill me, ill pay you.
I’ve realized I’m no good my family hates me my grandpa doesn’t like me my uncle always fucks with me and makes me feel worse as for why this impacts me so deeply is I have no father all mine is happens to be a pill popper and can barley sustain himself for two minutes without going into a fit of rage. My grandpa has always thought lower of me and never did like me at times it really shows for example, he always goes on about how I’m soo dumb or how I never change when I try when he sits on his fucking […]