So i get blamed for everything when it comes around my friends. They fight they put me in the middle they stop talking “omg its all your fault you shouldnt even got in it the first place” um excuse you ***** youre the one putting me in the middle of this shit so how about you fuck off you fucking ****. Relationship ends they tell me to help them cause they dont what to do i tell them straight up facts of why it didnt work “omg youre not even helping dont even try anymore okay even if i listen itll end and its going […]
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I need to push them away… but I don’t want to at the same time…
by sleepxdeath
written by sleepxdeath
Once again… I feel like pushing people away. Fought with myself a few times recently… I tend to forget, but when I do remember, its hell for me. I am terrified of that same feeling. Having others makes promises that I might actually break it. Just for there best. Just to protect them. I can’t do this anymore. I’m suffering even more. It feels like everything was just a waste of time. Like a pathetic dream that never occurred. But it did happen.
Everything good always dies. And I really despise that feeling.
well damn everything is falling in place now. i had some really bad troubles with ppl. and life and things have been really hard for me lately. to where i thought i really had no part in this world. but im moving i have a new guy im talking to and having fun with friends and stuff. life just threw me a curve ball. but it got back straight.
My Name is Annie, I reside in Carson City, NV and I am here to tell you my story.
My story is probably a very common one, but three years ago, started a riot in my body. The moment my boyfriend, who was my first of everything dumped me over a text message, i went insane. I started everything to just be able to sleep, to eat, or to even live without him. I was messing my self up heavily. (Three to Four bottles a night, 24 case beers, Marijuana, pills) I wanted him so bad that my actions ended me up in the hospital, unconscious, […]
So..How does it feel? Well, depending on the person it can feel all sorts of ways. I know one thing, that no matter the person it feels like shit. Okay, so let’s get started on the whole basis of it.
I don’t really know why I have depression, and sometimes I wish I had some sad backstory so it would be easier to explain. Nothing bad really happened to me, nothing too scarring. It’s just the little things that do it. Every little ounce of stress and anger, it all causes this sort of snowball affect. Slowly building up to knock me down.
It doesn’t physically hurt, […]
I can’t even type everything that’s going on with me. It doesn’t help me to tell people what’s going on. Unless you have about $2000 that you’re willing to donate me, and possibly a guaranteed job in Houston for my fiancee…there’s no help for me. Nothing has got better since the last few posts on here. I constantly think of suicide. Every single day I have at least one suicidal thought. I don’t know what to do. There’s nothing I can do, and no reason to fight for life anymore. I can’t say that I’ll kill myself. I thought I certainly would the last few […]
So basically people are absolute dicks head in my local towns, like I am a pretty normal guy except I love metal I have long blonde hair and I tend to fuck things up quite easily, and I don’t even know how.. Like my ex girlfriend I had loved her for over 2 years and when I finally worked up the courage to ask her out ( also we were really good friends) to my surprise she said yes 😀 but then everything fucked up real fast, she said she didn’t like me anymore, since then it has been 2 months and she has ignored […]
i’m feeling very unstable today. I don’t really know how to describe it. It’s like anxiety i guess, but without the active intensity part. I don’t feel “nervous” or “frightened” or anything like that… just very lethargic and scattered… like oppressively lethargic, to the point where i’d struggle to do anything physical at all. I should cut the grass, but i feel so… “weak and powerless,” and completely disinclined, like i just don’t give a shit. I’ll probably go do it right after this, and it’ll probably suck as much as i remember… but that’s not what’s stopping me. I don’t mind doing it, but […]
Is it selfish to want the agony of what you feel everyday too stop
Is it selfish too want peace and rest in a world that has greedily taken everything you have ever wanted
We are not selfish we don’t want to leave our loved ones, but every day I see no end too the pain,the suffering,the hopelessness.
We are not selfish, we are the victims of the cancer people call life. And as the days go by I die both physically and emotionally. Until one day I know I will break.
My mom never loved me and she lets it be known, my sister molested me, and refuses to own up after so many years, were f”ing grown now I’ve tried to kill myself several times I thought u would be apart of my recovery “sister” after all these years of protecting u, please help me. Nope she won’t no body will, my dad told me he loved me twice in my 25 yrs of living, my younger brother tells me how disgusted he is of me because of my drinking and everything else about me, there is no sweet escape, all my friends have abandon […]
Wow. I almost forgot what it was like to be alone. I forgot how gut-wrenchingly horrifying it is. How it eats you from the inside out. boyfriend hast talked to me in over two weeks. We see each other all the time, and I try to talk to him, but it’s like we don’t know how anymore. I’m not going to be able to keep this up. All of my friends have been getting mad at me because I fuck things up all the time. My best friend though, is still there. She’d never leave…right? My only other actual friend is a guy in my […]
So i know i posted something but heres something else.
If you ever need someone ill be here. Ill help you through anything. You just have to leave a comment and ill give you any kind of advice you need. Ill help no matter what. Ive gone through family abuse verbally mentally and physically. Ive gone through bullying still am. Ive gone through abusive relationships. Ive gone trough drug abuse and drinking. Ive gone through losing friends from suicide and getting killed in front of me by other people. Ive lost family from suicide. Ive gone almost everything and im only 16 others start early or […]
I honestly belive I am horrible person. I sometimes think about death, and wanting to kill myself, but not very seriously, so I wouldn’t consider myself suicidal. Still, I need to talk to someone because I would never tell my family or friends any of this, so obviously I have turned to the web to vent. I honestly think I ruin everything. Everything I do wether it’s little or small, I always manage to screw up. I feel like everything’s my fault. I keep trying and trying but still I feel like everything is just not turning out. And honestly I am tired of screwing […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Linkin-Park-Iridescent.mp3So im just writing what has happened in my life so far.
Im Samantha Lee Castellano. I am currently 16. This is the real me here and now. Before i start let me add that i was molested at 5  and raped by one of my exs 2 different grade levels i dont remember what grade is when your five and the grades for the other thing is 3 and 5 . Ok now.
I started school a bit late due to my birthday. Once i started it was good till maybe about 1st grade. There was this girl who always bullied me cause well…… i […]
when yiou drink the rest of hyour champagne and drink some whiskey and take you r medicine and end up bcoming so out of it, you ccan’ t even think. yeahhh. todahy has sucked.  fucked up once again, …the girl i love is gone and her e i am, wishing i could take that razor and cut my vewin open…but i don’t have the strength…i’m too tired. i’m tired of everything. i have my first day of work tommorow that i’m probably foing to fuck up as well since i forgot eveerything. i need to sleep but no, i gots tio go get a […]
When I’m sad or angry I usually hear to my favorite songs in my room, and I cry a lot.Each one means something to me (please don’t judge me for my preferences)
Safe and sound – Taylor Swift
I knew you were trouble – Taylor Swift
You make me wanna die – The pretty reckless
My medicine – The pretty reckless
Kill me – The pretty reckless
Miss nothing – The pretty reckless
Recharge e revolt – The raveonettes
I hate everything about you – Three days grace
Back to black – Amy winehouse
Stronger than me – Amy winehouse
Wake up alone – Amy winehouse
I hate the nights when you lay in bed for hours and hours because your mind just won’t stop for just one second and give you a break from everything.Like tonight I’ve been laying in bed for hours just overthinking about everything and anything.Why can’t I just go to sleep.
Today my ‘father’ found out I was hospitalized three weeks ago. I had been keeping this from him because, honestly, I felt he didn’t deserve to know. A friend at the time had abused my trust, called the police on me, and I was sent to the hospital and kept there due to the fact I had cuts on my arm. Fresh cuts. I was put in therapy and am back on medication, which I am grateful for. I just wish the situation hadn’t panned out as it had.
I digress. He noticed I was talking about my medication online and he asked me what I […]
Why did I have to bring her down with me??She had everything.I made her life worse.Because of me she’s not at her house anymore:(I finally know what Ima do.I start on the third so Ima work for a month In a half.Give some money to my mom and give the rest to her.As for me.I feel sorry for the maid that walks In my room.Until then I have stay to make things right.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/tmp_02-the_front_bottoms-maps-2076840222.mp3 Every day is the same repetition of mundane tasks at work and the same panic and emptiness waiting in the background until I am alone with my thoughts. I’m out of friends, out of dreams, and out of hope. My motivation is so non-existent that I can’t even go through with my plans for suicide. It’s too much work to write the notes and find a place and get everything in order first. Last time I was spontaneous and tried all I got was a sore neck and face full of mud. The only thing I look forward to anymore is getting so […]