I don’t know why I let myself fail to the point that I do. I know I can put more effort into bettering my life but every time I try putting forth any effort I am only met by failure and worthlessness. I am unable to even comply with basic day to day situations sometimes and I need to trudge through it knowing that it is only me myself who is keeping me back. I’m being pushed through a hole of the wrong shape to fit in with everything so extremely fake around me, yet had this been a different world my inferiority would have […]
Tag:
Existence
“God may exist but only if there’s an ‘I’ to perceive it. Without an ‘I’ to perceive it, who will confirm his existence ? the ‘I’ creates God”
“the (physical world/matrix)/illusion is visible while the true self/consciousness is hidden (to the five senses). It doesn’t look like it, but consciousness is concealed by the illusion. Have you ever thought of it this way ?”
“Consciousness is concealed by the world’s manifestation. It is the manifestation/(physical world) that does not allow you to see the God within you”
“Consciousness has to appear in this form so this form can recognize counsciousness”
“You always mention somebody else. You’re always studying something […]
i’m tired of living. i can’t seem to focus on what i have and what i need to do. objectively i should be happy. i have a job, a roof under my head, food to eat and clothes to wear and yet somehow, i feel like something’s missing. i have no passion to live and i can’t help but feel i’ve been left behind in life. i feel i’ve sacrificed the entirety of my existence fitting into a mold i was given that i never even wanted. never had a real connection with anyone, never been in a relationship, nothing. shallow i know… and possibly not even […]
I have a learning disability and right now I’m attending a university. I did the best I can to do well in school. Sadly, seems like I was not smart enough for anything. Thus, I need to end this life. I will miss my parents and my siblings, but I’m a complete failure. I did the best I can in school. I study every day and never play video games much. I know its wrong for me, but the student loans and my failure makes me want to escape this cursed world. I was not meant to be born in this world. There had to […]
I’ve felt like this for many years. Right now I’m on the precipice of a major change in my life, one that will basically cast me out into the world. Unlike some of the others here, I have people who profess to being in ‘my corner’. But I realise that ultimately that’s all a sham. They can’t really do much for me because this thing stems from inside. It’s been described as screaming into the void or staring at the abyss. I choose neither. All I feel is empty, empty all the time. When I’m around people I feel empty. When I’m alone I feel […]
Why bother, I do nothing correct. Everything I ever care about destroys my insides. Try as I might, but I cannot conquer. My life is an infinite loop of chaos and disease, and I am the problem. There may be many solutions, but only one outcome I can foresee. To those who care, I am sorry. The time may be near, since the path of self-destruction is imminent. My heart pounds with self-hatred, and the loathing of my existence. Decisions will be made, actions will be taken. And none of this will ever be shared with you. For you, I truly love and never want […]
There are those that you trust & those that you enjoy spending time with right?
My friend is leaving the country for a long time. Happy for him, better life where his going anyways! I’ve helped him out when he had his huuuuge fallout with his ex, I was the “shoulder to cry on” friend. He was aaalways calling me his bestfriend, being appreciative about my existence and shared with me everything he thought I should know. ha sooo I could say I was pretty much his little treasure box, we were good friends! I didn’t see him more or less than a friend, sooo he […]
I am a 40 year old married father of 2 piece of shit. I have been trying to kill myself since the age of 8 and never finished the job because I am afraid. I am diagnosed w/ bi-polar disorder/PTSD/ADHD. I am unemployed and draining the life out of my family. I have no purpose on this earth, no talent and no drive. I am on 6 medications and my wife has been stealing my anti-anxiety, ADHD and sleeping meds. When I confront her she just denies everything and says I’m crazy. I may be emotionally disabled, but I am not retarded, so […]
Well it’s been a while that I came to this site. I don’t know if anybody missed me, my existence doesn’t really matter at this point anyway. I’m just a shell moving by the habits that have been inprinted in it.
It has been a month since I moved in Ontario. Following this lofty scenario where I deluded myself with naive idea that my life would get better, that “grass is alway greener on the other side”. Well I don’t see any more colors here either. It just came to me today that I have been eating only one “meal” of junkfood a day since three […]
i can create a beautiful life in my imagination. i am able to share my imagination with people. however, i can’t live the beautiful life which my inspired imagination painted for me. my ideals that ostensibly obstruct my connection with humanity are strangling me now. i am a man who lives in a constant fear state. i live out my life in other worlds that are not real since i cannot live in this one. it’s not that i want to die so much as it is that i can’t live. i will always be half of a great man. never a great man. a […]
For the last 5 years i have been feeling like my life lead me to the middle of nowhere. I become more invisible day by day and others care less and less about my presence. You might say its because i don’t communicate or interact with world, but no, it would not be true. It is just because i just don’t fit in, and my attempts are noticed just for a short time and i always end up alone and disappointed. No matter how funny or talkative i am for one moment in the next one i am just gone. It seems others make friends […]
Suppose you had a plan A and a plan B. Plan A is the best thing that ever happened to you. Plan B is suicide. And for months plan A is coming along great. And then suddenly plan A is taken from you. Wiped out of existence. Then plan B starts to look nice and nicer. I mean, plan B was always there right? Always at the back of your mind anyway, so why not? Why not? And plan B has a definite date. And it’s coming soon. You have it all planned. Yet, you’re still holding on to plan A deep in your […]
I am. I’m just so unbelievably tired. I’m tired physically, I’m tired mentally, I’m tired emotionally. I don’t know why I’m here, I’m not sure I’ve ever known why I’m here. There doesn’t seem to be one person who honestly could not live without me. I have no friends. I had one. She was like a sister to me. She got on my nerves, she drove me crazy, but she was always there for me. She kept me grounded. And now, she’s moving on, and it’s obvious she’s moving on without me. She got a new job, she has a new boyfriend.. I want to […]
I’m geting really tired this ridiculous life. All I do everyday is turning my brain to off so I can run away from my pain. That’s the only thing that worked so far too. I can’t connect with anyone, can’t relate to anything and can’t find any worth in me. I’m tired of pretending I still want to do studies, tired of pretending everything is gonna get better. I’m sick of hearing the same lies everyday, sick of lying all the time. I can’t bare living among people who’d rather value greed, malice, and putting their kind down all the time. I’ve had enough of […]
To the world that once existed, beyond the fingertips of a women’s hand upon a man’s shoulder. Beyond the crisp eyes of a child in the middle of a city, lost, cold, and unknown of their surroundings. I am writing to you because, I, myself, am lost; lost in a miserable state of mind trapped in your solid box that some may call their home. My life is without water; without moisture. I am in need of essence, reassurance, liveliness. I need the compassion that you solemnly lack. You, give me nothing but the desperate need for air. […]
my life… i pushed for what i wanted. i always got close. sooo close yet every time, it fell. my soul,  for anything and everything is gone. i really just want nothing. existence as a whole i just don’t want.  growing up with an abusive family. pushing away from them. finding home in a best friends family. loving it more than your own. growing and pushing yourself to get what you want. only not to get it. learning not to care so much about it.  always with the thought of finding someone for you on the way, someone to love. of course being in many relationships. to give up […]
I am so ready to leave. plan on my daughter’s birthday (yes, a daughter that I don’t get to see) to leave this pathetic fucking life. Funny that so many believe in a fictious god, but think (because a dumb book) that you will be damned if you leave this crappy shit earlier. There is no god, and there is nothing after this bullshit. We are just like any other animal on this planet, look at all of our actions. We go to war for what reason? There is more than enough land on this planet to live. We keep others financially strap for what […]
I would like a few moments of your time to further attempt to explain my views and concepts. While the views and concepts are my own, many are heavily based on others teachings and practices. There are however, some points that make them very unique.  I believe in the big bang. I believe that everything came into existence with a monumental explosion. I believe that we are nothing more than remnants of that explosion. Alan Watts put it best by comparing the concept to throwing a bottle of black ink at a white canvas on the wall in “The Nature Of Consciousness” The […]
I came here with a purpose and left with a ramble that I hope is helpful in some way or another
written by NotReallyHereAtAll
When I saw the words ‘someday, all this pain will be worthwhile’ one time, then many other times on countless blogs, I would just shake my head, and silently disagree that my sadness would come to nothing, except perhaps recovery, then more nothing. But I recently realised that my pain has helped one aspect of my life: I am writing again. And what I am writing is good. Sure, it’s just a few very short and broken stories with loose plots and screwed up people, but that’s okay. Because what I’ve written is good. It’s not happy, but it is real and I’m pleased with […]
My cousin did it. When he was eighteen, about a week before my fifteenth birthday. Eighteen years old. He had almost graduated high school. He was the greatest person in the entire world to me–my hero, my idol, my best friend. When he took himself away from us, I could not get it through my head. Why would he do this to us? Why would he deprive the world of his existence and leave the rest of us here to pick up the pieces? I simply could not understand.
Now that I am eighteen, I understand perfectly. He viewed the world the exact same way I […]