Hey everyone. I mentioned a while ago that I was going to start ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) for my depression. I’m starting tomorrow and keeping a video blog of my experience. I just uploaded my first video (Before ECT). I will post videos as the treatment progresses. Here is the address to the link. If you ever have any questions, post them on the youtube channel comment section and ask.
Whitney
Positive attitude, hope, doing things, man of action…etc all these are boring and it is for looser.
Just experience nihilism, existentialism, Efilism, Antinatalism  these are all so interesting we fell in love with them and ready to give our life for these.
First case is for mentally underdeveloped people.
Therefore start asking yourself questions  ” what is the purpose of human life, is there any meaning at all?, does the all struggle we undergo- is it worth at all? “
Is death.
So why can’t I be done with it now instead of being me? Â The hollow thing I am is that of a failure. Â Loneliness has been my sole companion for as long as I can remember.
There’s no future for me, not even entering the rat race for the green god known as money because I am incapable of working, let alone having the enjoyment and success precious few people ever experience.
And I sit here alone piddling away the days because I can do nothing better.
Why was I not put down in the womb? Â Why did the car stop before it hit me?
Why can no […]
I don’t know about any of you but I frequently look up ways that a person could die so I can structure the most reliable method of suicide possible if I ever came that close to the edge…which is rapidly approaching. You know, things like, “How to take a bunch of pills without throwing them up”, “How to tie a noose”, “Ways to bleed the most” but my results all turn up with nothing (except the noose one). Perhaps I need to ask the opposite of all these things. Or, just trial and error. Trial and error. I wonder if a near death experience is […]
I’ve been depressed on and off for about four years. I was in love with a good guy friend of mine. He moved away for a year and began dating his childhood best friend. About a year later I met a guy I liked. He was smart and funny in a dorky way. Things got complicated and it didn’t work out. This is when I first began to experience my depression. I listened to music most of the time, slept long hours, and neglected my homework and chores. I became a recluse. For months I was in a haze, but one day I snapped out […]
College was a waste of time and money. I started after I graduated in 2007, dropped out 2 or 3 years ago and then reenrolled at the beginning of last year. I thought I was doing the right thing. Now Im a week away from finishing my degree and I realize that I haven’t learned anything that I can actually use. I cant find a job in my town that requires my degree because I have no experience. And even if I did somehow find a job, I wouldn’t know how to do anything. My college “teaches” the programs we use. So basically […]
Every human provided with 100 years and little bit access to huge brain.
What they are doing:
1. Try to make money which he may not finish in his life time
2. Strive for fame where everyone praise him even after his death
poor people go for 1st option
average people sulk on their misfortune birth
rich people go for 2nd option
you don’t experience, literally, anything if you are dead.
logically speaking, humans are foolish
only non foolish act a human can do
1. suicide
2. suicide
3. suicide
I’ve thought about it many times, especially those sleepless nights, the drum beating inside the dark recess of my mind.
After the first attempt of 12 pills, then 24 pills, I decided to wake up and attend college both times I woke up from those failures.
I’ve been reading up a lot about Buddhism and about reincarnation or rebirth, and I was wondering and contemplated.
With everything that I’ve been through, and for me to cut my life short thinking that hell would probably be a better place to be in I realized, if I cop out now I’ll probably have to go through this entire experience again, […]
My emotions are like waves, threatening to overtake me at one moment, and then soft, serene..At peace with everything the next..
Experiencing this is incredibly hard and makes me feel crazy, but I don’t know that I’d change it. We who experience depression and the more difficult of strong feelings also have the chance to experience the other side.
It’s hard to read what I write during times of distress. It’s hard reading what you all write during times of distress.
It’s hard knowing that some people don’t know what happiness feels like. It’s hard forgetting what it feels like yourself..
What would help? Maybe it’s something different for […]
To whom it may concern,
I wish i was a better story teller to describe why i am where i am today. But all i can really think of to share is the present moment. I am a 28 year old male with a fantastic dog great girlfriend low rent and seemily great life. The problem is no job… without a job means i will be forced to give away my dog lose my girlfriend home and great life style. Happiness has a price. I am finally realizing that it cost money to breathe and live in this world. Without a job to gain money i […]
I feel like I should have done something more to help. More often then not I feel completely useless. I worry that when I tell him these things he is on his side of the line rolling his eyes. The more I think the sadder I become. I want to stop thinking. I want to end it all. I try to change myself into to something else and lose sight of who I am. Am I even who I think I am? I have so many questions not getting answered. Not that anyone should even worry. I am prone to ruining shit especially relationships. I […]
Hey.. so my doctor just put me on this a couple days ago. I’m not really sure what to think of it. It’s supposed to help me with my moods, but is primarily given for seizures (which i don’t have).
So far i’ve been very jittery and shaky on it. My anxiety is so high that i feel like i’m constantly having a panic attack ( how my heart feels).
I’m on a small dose to start.. 25mg.
Just curious if any of you have had any experience with this drug.. and what it’s done for you.. bad or good.
Life is a fascinating experience, but life can also be very negative, and when you die..you’re in utter peace. You feel nothing, know nothing, you’re just nothing. (unless God exists…) It’s like going back to before you were born.
So, I’ve been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. I was pretty sure I was suffering from this most of my life, just never bothered to get it checked. Why did I finally get it checked out? Out of love, but I don’t want to think about that…
75 apneas an hour. 30 is the threshold for severe apnea, so I have like super duper severe apnea. The doctor was surprised when he first saw me. He only sees that severe of apnea in the very obese, and I’m in no way a big guy.
Turns out I have abnormally large tonsils, so I’m probably going to have […]
I feel as though my soul is finished here in my current form. I believe that we are conscious beings born to learn lessons on earth that our souls can use to grow. It grows through experience and thought. My conundrum is that from all the lives before, we have all lived many a time and our souls have learnt from these lives. We have been rich, we have been poor. We have loved and we have lost. Every lifetime our souls learn something it has not felt before.
My thought on this life is that my soul has competed it journey. In this life […]
I just hope you still love me
After all of the catastrophe
We were once companions, I believe
I never thought I would cause you to grieve
I miss you, and I love you
I just hope you love me too
I remember the mornings you came […]
Recently, I spoke to a Mom that told me a very sad statistic about her son’s high school.
She said that 3 teenage boys had taken their own lives in 3 years!
I felt deep sorrow about this situation not only because of the loss of 3 precious lives, but also because I, too, have struggled with depression.
And, I, too have been tempted strongly to attempt suicide.
In this excerpt from the introduction of my book:Â The “Mentally ill” Mentor: Practical Principles for Achieving and Maintaining Balance in Your Life, I explain my heart-wrenching experience in greater detail.
Here it is, word for word from my […]
I’ve always wanted to have kids someday. Four to be exact. I know what you’re thinking, that’s a lot of kids. Well yes, but I love children and I’ve always wanted to have two of my own and to adopt two. I want to spoil them and love them as much as possible. I want to give them the world! But today, I stopped and I thought about the little boy or girl I’ll bring into this world someday.. and I realized I didn’t want that for them. I dont want want my children to grow up in such an ugly, hurtful world. I never want […]
I graduated from college and have a Bachelors of Science. I thought more doors would be opened for me but now ten month since graduation… this does not seem so.
I held a position in manufacturing 6 months after graduate just to make some money but did not take long for me to feel dissatisfied, unaccomplished, and severely depressed. I woke each morning feeling unmotivated, miserably, and wondering why I cannot launch my career. I had no problem quitting the job. The job put me to sleep (literally), the pay sucked, the hours was pitiful, no one appreciate the volunteered overtime and… most importantly, I want to dedicate […]
That’s all I have, myself. In my experience, no body truly cares. I try to reach my hands over the counter, as if I’m the size of an ant, standing as tall as I can, though never do I reach. The only people who have ever cared still are unproven, unless they want something from it. I need help, however whenever I search for it I’m shunned away. Â The only person that wants to help me -isn’t my bestfriend, or my mother- it’s a stranger, wanting $125 a half an hour, and that’s the saddest thing of all.. Once I’m gone they’ll never understand, I […]
Please log in to report posts