Sleep Apnea

So, I’ve been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. I was pretty sure I was suffering from this most of my life, just never bothered to get it checked. Why did I finally get it checked out? Out of love, but I don’t want to think about that…

75 apneas an hour. 30 is the threshold for severe apnea, so I have like super duper severe apnea. The doctor was surprised when he first saw me. He only sees that severe of apnea in the very obese, and I’m in no way a big guy.

Turns out I have abnormally large tonsils, so I’m probably going to have them taken out. I’m freaking out though because I’ve always been afraid of hospitals. At least I don’t have to where a mask to sleep…

I’ve been told that if this works as expected I should feel like a whole new person after since I should start sleeping normally. Maybe me depression is caused by my lack of sleep. Maybe. I don’t know. But I guess I’ll hold off on things and see what happens. I’m not expecting great results, but might as well give it a try, not like anything else has worked.

I do worry though during the recovery period. How will I take my meds? Even though they are not really doing anything, I think they are at least preventing the depression from getting too severe. Being in physical and mental pain at the same time doesn’t seem like a pleasant experience. Coupled with the fact that I have nobody in my life, it’s going to be quite the trial to handle all on my own.