i started hallucinating about 4 days ago. Â i also have a voice in my head. i fight with it a lot. it tells me everything it hates about me, about how i don’t deserve to be happy no matter how much i wish i was.. and it hurts. i used to say those things to myself, and now a part of me got cut off and just lives in my head. i’ll have a good time with my friends, and it will tell me not to smile because my smile is ugly. i’ll put makeup on and it will tell me nothing can fix my […]
It was only recently that I’d stumbled across a site like this, somewhere to put my thoughts, with complete strangers, unbiased views of a life.
As is everyone else for being here, I wish to end my life.
In my family, I am the oldest, naturally, the one with the highest of expectations.
I was also, in all technically, a bastard child, one with a father, if that should even be used, whom left, and said I was being created in the belly of a slut mother, who slept with everyone but him, hereby resulting in me not being blood to him.
As expected, he was simply […]
Go softly into the night,
Be calm in her cold embrace.
Time has passed you by little one,
Tis time to turn your face
Wander down the sloping road,
Fear not the shadows creeping.
Your peace will be upon you soon:
Little one grown tired of weeping.
Go bravely into the dark,
Heed not the hateful words.
You have chosen well,
Leave this bickering to birds.
Chin up, deep breaths little one,
Step by determined step, you take.
Your footsteps now will lead,
You’re en-route to a wondrous fate
Go calmly into deaths’ reaching hands
Rest weary and beleaguered head.
Your life is bleak, your heart worn through
It’s […]
I feel quite depressed  but I guess that’s okay since I managed to be alright the past week. I’ve been walking mindlessly through the present and haven’t thought of the future , I don’t know what I was thinking I guess I just thought things were getting better though I was wrong, what was I thinking. Reality slapped me in the face the school year’s almost over and I’m still in the same place I was when it started and I’m feeling even worse than freshman year, I can’t bury my feelings as well as I could last year and my grades have slacked, and […]
i feel the safe and warmth of my bed
the demons still hover over my head
i can never get away
its not safe in my safe place
i feel the comfort of the thinning sheets
its the finest place i have to bleed
these four walls are faded and falling in
this is the place where i hang my head
i have nothing to show for over the years
the accomplishments to face my fears
i have nothing to call my own
this is a hallowed place i call my home
i have no one left i can meet
loneliness i cannot beat
the sucking void is plugging up
its taking me, im afraid im stuck
its never very satisfied
i […]
I’m not sure which is worse…
The agonizing requirements of interacting with those who don’t understand…
Or the “dead spots” when there is no one available, with whom to interact.
I honestly believe that if i could just make enough money…
If i could establish some sort of reliable method of generating income…
If i could “fix” just enough of my problems that i could have my own sustainable existence…
Maybe then i’d be content to tolerate the rest of the misery, and able to focus on sharing complex ideas in ways that those who could find them useful, would be able to understand.
And so i frame my problem thusly, and […]
“People fear death more than pain. It’s strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend.” – Jim Morrison.
People fear the unknown and, yet death is full of the unknown, so is life. The only difference is, once your dead, your dead. That’s it. You don’t feel pain or loss or sadness. Let’s face it, we are all going to die eventually. Everything that life throws at us, only for us to die anyway. Everyday that we live is just another closer to our death, so […]
Dearest, I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of these terrible times and I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices and can’t concentrate. So I’m doing what seems to be the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I know that I’m spoiling your life and without me you could work, and you will, I know. You see, I can’t even write this properly. What I want to say is that I owe all the happiness of my […]
Let’s face it, being willing to die is a rare asset. I’m sure there are tons of causes out there I could die for, and maybe then my life would be worth something. Any ideas? Or let me put it this way, if you had to die for a cause, how/what would you pick?
I feel like maybe I can actually do something for the good. I try to make everyone happy but at the end of the day I’m not. I feel bad for getting angry with myself for stuff I can’t control. Maybe I will wake up tomorrow with a smile on my face and feel better. I can only hope. I hope everyone is doing good tonight.
Hi, I suffer from Manic Depression . Not many in my school know that. They think i’m happy, maybe even normal teenage girl. I’m 14. But this is were it all started.
When I was little, I was always the “troubled” child. My parents would curse at me , call me a “retard” , “slut” “whore” all different types of names when I just was two years of age. It wasn’t only the names… my mom was a drunk and my dad wasn’t so much of a help either, she would hit me, with all sorts of things, whatever she could get her hands on. […]
Wouldn’t it be nice if the world ends??
I’ve pretty much given up on suicide for the moment. I can’t put my family through it. I just dread the day when I’m too much for them to look after, because I can’t support myself.
The end of the world would be nice. At least it’s something I could get involved with. Oh well, wishful thinking.
I’m one of those people who can’t face the world. I can’t face people. I can just about talk to people online, unless they start to get to know me, which is when I usually back away because I can’t commit myself to […]
I’m stuck in place. People rush past me in a blur and no matter how hard i try, i can’t seem to catch up to them. The weight of my life is crushing me, stealing my breath and taking with it my sanity. Every day I have to adjust my face so that i  blend in with the world around me. Hide the fear and desperation from my eyes, and pretend to feel normal. Why am i doing this? Why can’t I turn off these thoughts and feelings that make me shrink back into myself. I am not this person. This timid, emotional, angery person. I […]
I am tired of studying, I’m tired of working, paying my bills, doing the dishes, crossing the street. I am tired of my morning coffee. I am tired of making small talk while watching your fake face smiling at me. I’m tired of all the mundane little inconveniences of being alive… I am tired of doing the laundry, reading books, brushing my hair, I am tired of caring, smiling, pretending and all the other symptoms of life…. my ears are going deaf listing to your lies and my lies, my eyes are going blind from you betrayals and my betrayals. Stop,,, I want it all […]
Hey. I’m 14, a freshman, and a survivor. I wanna share my story.
November 28, 2012. This is the day I swallowed 29 Prozac. This is the day I felt so alone, like always, but like I didn’t even deserve to breathe. I felt like I didn’t deserve anything. I was nothing. Worthless. A nobody. I’d lost everything. My mom. My bestfriend. My sanity. And someone took my innocence.
Two days earlier Nov. 26, 2012 I went to hangout with my bestfriend. He was 17. Yes I’m a girl. Yes he’s a boy. Yes we were bestfriends. We’d been that way for a long […]
stop look stop look frees do nothing
look at the body of the dying girl
look at the struggling form
of the girl who your friend did love your friend and he loved her in return
look at the horror on her dying face
look at the mistake she made
to end her life on the end of a rope that swung her this self same day
she knew this as she died
she tryd she tryd she tryd
to take the noose from her neck and end all the liys
you stood ther for a second or too
your feet thay coud not move
you know thows 2 seconds nothing coud make you move
so to this day you […]
I don’t like my life. I don’t like the fact that there is a daily routine which I dont like, yet I am forced to follow because of society. I can see most people are not happy, and only pretend. I’m sick of fake smiles and all the judgement. School is very stressful, I hate it. The only reason I think of college is not to study, but to have a new beginning elsewhere, no school and no stress.Yet that life seems somewhat impossible. In school everyone “grows” intellectually, yet our being is deteriorating. My suicide thoughts lately have been very strong. There was […]
I just can’t see the other way out. When I want to go ahead and commit suicide I tell myself I should at least try telling people and seeing if things get better soon. But I don’t see how. How can you bring that up? How do you look your family in the eye and tell them you feel like shit? How do you admit you’re not their good little girl anymore? How do you convince them they haven’t failed, it’s just the way you are? How do you tell them you’ve been hurting for years and they never knew? How do you sit at […]
Please hear what I’m not saying. Don’t be fooled by the face I wear, for I wear a mask. I tell you everything that’s really nothing, and nothing of what’s everything, of what’s crying within me.
– The “mask”
Ever since I first thought of suicide, no maybe even before that, I put on the “mask”. For me this social “mask” that I wear has probably caused me a whole lot more damage than hurt, yet everyday when I step out of my bed in the morning, I still put on this “mask”, even if it’s covered in thorns. Why? This “mask” that I […]
Hi there.. I am 11. I know im young . Way to young to be in love and doing everything im about to tell you. But here it goes. And read it all please..
Ok. My sister is getting married. My sisters fiance has a son. His name is Shannan. He is 15. The first time I met him he was really shy, hardly talked to me, and was addicted to xbox. But the boy looked cute. Ok.. Well My sister, Her Fiance, and Shannan all came to live with me and my mom at my house. It was the middle of August and we Shannan […]