Tag:

Fantasies

What IS the point?

by Drake 8/1/2013

written by Drake

This is my second post. today hadn’t been that good. I’ve been floating in and out of sadness and depression. I’ve begun considering going to see a psychiatrist for my problems; hopefully they’ll be able to answer some of my questions because… I don’t understand this…

Each night I go to sleep, hoping I won’t wake up. During the night I wake and watch the shadows drift around me and beg God to never let it end, to just let those shadows stay forever and take me away into the darkness. Then when the sun rises I’m still breathing and I curse my own being. Getting […]

8/1/2013 4 comments

Fear in the moring = automatic suicide fantasies

by lex 7/24/2013

written by lex

Very often, in fact, my normal state, I wake up feeling afraid of what I am going to have to do next. The way in which I am going to expose my self to threats and porbably meet pain & suffering. This makes me feel that I want to suicide quickly, I feel hopless, that I am better off not alive anymore.

I have to do this things that make me feel in danger.

7/24/2013 0 comment

So Confused

by kissnm10 4/1/2013

written by kissnm10

I hate how inevitable it feels. Like, I can pretend all that I want to be happy or that I have purpose or whatever, but it doesn’t change my fate. Like I’m destined for suicide. It’s what I always come back to, and it’s getting harder and harder to say no to it anymore. I don’t want to say no. I just want to be done with all this pain, and this world only dishes out pain. ItÂ isn’t going to end in this lifetime, so it’s like my only shot is in the next. But shit, I’m a Christian, and suicide is a sin. Will […]

4/1/2013 1 comment

You guys make me ashamed to be suicidal

by MrArtless 1/14/2013

written by MrArtless

Yeah I hate my life, but at least I don’t pretend anyone cares. I don’t delude myself with fantasies that my deep, tortured writings are too sophisticated for my peers, or reflect some unappreciated brilliance. I’m a useless tool just like all of you, it’s why we’re on this blog. I’m not special, and I wasn’t meant to live for more than the nothing I’ve created for myself. Stop writing bad poetry. Just do what I’m doing and sit by yourselves and cry about the hell you’ve turned your lives into, but good God do it humbly.

And stopÂ pretendingÂ you’re worth more than you feel you are; […]

1/14/2013 12 comments

love

by Tormenting Dreams 12/20/2012

written by Tormenting Dreams

i really dont know what to feel today, and i felt the same last night. i just really dont know what i feel, or if im feeling at all. i looked at myself in the mirror, and i just look blank. my eyes are blank my face is blank. i dont know if i should be worried or not. but i beleive i feel something, because sometimes i get a heavyness in my chest. almost like somethings missing. but it could always be my imagination.

so theres a rant ive wanted to do for a while and id really love your guyses thoughts on it if […]

12/20/2012 0 comment

My Fantasies

by leiferikson 10/19/2012

written by leiferikson

I can’t help but repeatedly imagine slowly sawing my face off with a broken bathroom razor. I have felt so disgusting lately. Every time I look in the mirror I can see myself picking up a dull razor and pushing it into my disgusting face and hacking away at the mess.

10/19/2012 4 comments

I guess i may need help.

by lostagain 9/5/2012

written by lostagain

Im 24 years old, married, a mother of two, and i have been suicidal since the age of 12. I attempted many times, been hospitalized, been on any med you can think of, and i still cant pull myself out of this. Truth is, i love my husband, but our relationship was abusive in the past, i developed PTSD. Also coupled with molestation as a child, i have alot of anxiety. I have also discovered that i have been in love with a long time friend for a long time. I sleep with him on occasion, and i just want to stay there. Like i […]

9/5/2012 5 comments

Hate for my kind

by TarotXIII 8/16/2012

written by TarotXIII

It’s gradualy filling up.My heart is turning jet black,I just feel it.It always felt so empty but now the void is replaced with hatred and disgust.Hatred for my own kind.Hatred for myself most.I’m such a trash.A trash that live in this dump called earth.A dump filled with being I consider trash as well,all piled up together.

I just can’t feel contempt,I can’t be happy here.The only thing that kept me here so long are video games,pathetic as it may.I’m tired of wasting every days away on those stupid games so my poor little self don’t have to think about anything.I achieve nothing everyday.

I just hate humankind.

I […]

8/16/2012 1 comment

I’m a coward

by b_summers 7/24/2012

written by b_summers

I don’t even know if you could call me suicidal. I’ve never actually attempted it, but I have thoughts about killing myself so often. I’ve had an eating disorder for over a year, and over the past few months, I’ve started cutting. I feel depressed all the time now. I’m just never happy anymore, I make excuses so I don’t have to go out, and see people, I lie to my therapist, she thinks I’m getting better, when in reality, I have never felt more depressed in my life than I do right now. I have fantasies about slitting my wrists, or jumping in front […]

7/24/2012 1 comment

DON’T Listen to yourself

by tphg 6/27/2012

written by tphg

I tried a new approach to deal with my depression; acknowledging it as a sickness of the mind and body but not anything to do with me personally. I take full responsibility for my past and every action I’ve taken up to this point in life, but the issues slowing me down aren’t my own.

All throughout my life, I’ve been shown the way I should be by the people around me. What I should be doing, the type of things I should study, the work I should go out for, partying and living it up etc etc; so Iâ€™ve been conditioned to hate myself […]

6/27/2012 5 comments

I’m my own worst enemy

by Rachel 6/22/2012

written by Rachel

I am so completely exhausted by constant suicidal thoughts and fantasies. Anytime I make a little mistake, or when someone’s response to what I’ve said feels off, there’s a voice berating me, telling me, “I hate you, you’re a stupid fucking whore, go kill yourself. Go kill yourself Rachel. Go kill yourself,” over and over and over. Every day. The theory being: “Everyone remembers every little stupid thing you do and they hate you for it. You should kill yourself and make them forget how stupid you are. Don’t tell anyone, don’t ask for help. They’ll never see it coming.” I don’t think I’ll actually […]

6/22/2012 2 comments

what else

by 4everalone 5/2/2012

written by 4everalone

I am a pedophile. There, it’s out in the open for the first time ever. I have sexual feelings towards boys, and it is breaking me down. It started in my childhood, when I experimented with a friend who was the same age, and now I’m stuck with it. I’m in my twenties now, and although I have never abused a child, I do have fantasies and I have visited illegal websites countless times. I don’t feel anything for women, and I’ve never had a girlfriend.

On top of this, I’ve recently been put aside by people whom I considered to be my best friends. They […]

5/2/2012 13 comments

The Story Teller

by AngelLilith 4/23/2012

written by AngelLilith

I’m a writer, not officialy since i’m only sixteen, but i consider my self that way. I’m a writer and that is the only only reason that can explain how i confused all my doctors and counselors.

Writing is the only thing that make feel alive for a while, and it does it because i’m creating a whole new storie, sometimes stories of what i wish it was or the truth with some make up and fantasies. I can tell stories since i have memory, i’m a bad lier with little things but my complete life is my best and bigger lie, so much that sometimes […]

4/23/2012 25 comments

Who am I?

by standingalone 4/7/2012

written by standingalone

I don’t really know what i expect to happen from doing this. I guess i just needed to find somewhere to let my thoughts be known before they just became to much to stand. I want to die, sometimes i think i know why other times i don’t. I’m not even sure how it started up, i guess at first i kept having dreams and fantasies of me being killed in an accident and it started to slowly get closer and closer to where i am now. I never want to hang out with friends, i can never live up to either my genius brother […]

4/7/2012 2 comments

How to Live?

by subtle_bloodstains 4/2/2012

written by subtle_bloodstains

I always seem to float in-between. Not one thing or another. And I’ve been dead for so long now that I’ve forgotten how to be alive. I’m a zombie. So I was wondering, could someone please tell me how to live? (This is not a sarcastic/metaphoric question.)

Hoping and planning
A jubilant day
Swimming in my fantasies
Senses dulled by illusion
Almost real

Talking and laughing
Near to you
Blood aching under my skin
So aware of you
Almost close enough

Cutting and scraping
My emotions away
Dyeing the world with rivers of red
Delusions clouding my judgments
Almost numb

Trying and grasping
The edge of the knife
Dangling […]

4/2/2012 0 comment

someone please listen

by bubblecabeza 5/31/2009

written by bubblecabeza

I’m a 17 (almost 18) year old girl and this is my brain’s rant session.

I’m extremely distant from reality pretty much all day, my life seems so pointless and corrupted that I create these fantasies about people, usually guys, I wish I could affect, but actually am just obsolete to.

After seeing the film Girl, Interrupted, I had a kind of wake up call that I was almost identical to Susana Kaysen who had Boderline Personality Disorder, it made me feel like I could define myself finally instead of being this pathetic outcast. I took a test for this on the internet and it confirmed that […]

5/31/2009 4 comments