Well I don’tknow what to say or where to start, but I guess just letting it all out is a start, so here it goes. I’m a 22 year old female and at the age of 22 I never knew I would of felt the amount of pain as I have this past few years. Past few weeks all I been thinking about is sucide, why should I go on? I can barley handle the pain because of this depression its like a disease that will never go away from the feel of it. I been thinking of different ways to do it overdosing, jumping […]
See I say I would love to kill myself but the truth is that there are a few things I’m afraid of. One being I won’t be able to ever really ‘hug’ him in real life, considering I’ve never met him in person before. Another being no one will miss me. Of course I wouldn’t know anyways but it’s still a fear. The only reason I didn’t really kill myself (when I was going through worst times) was because I thought he’d miss me. Right now I’m not sure if he would..
The truth is that I don’t think I could ever really kill myself. I […]
IM A FUCKIN FAILURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
Deafening echoes reverberate off the walls.
Walls painted black by years of neglect.
Walls forming a very small room.
With a floor made of long-lost dreams and aspirations.
No door.
No window.
No light.
Beautiful.
In the center of the room, I sit.
Unable to think clearly.
Why is it so loud?
I only need a moment of peace.
What I wouldn’t give for a moment of peace.
Unable to open my eyes, for fear of what I might see.
And when I finally muster the courage, I wish that I hadn’t.
Filth.
That’s all I see around me.
People living meaningless lives.
Blissfully ignorant.
Secure in their […]
Hello! They say writing and sharing your experiences can be therapeutic, and in my case that is especially true. So, today I thought I’d take a moment to sit down and have a little chat with all of you.
My story really begins about 8-9 months ago. I was going through a rough time, I had just found out I have a lump in my spine. In the past years I have been diagnosed with:
Reynauds Disease
Fibromyalgia
Osteoporosis (in my neck)
Osteoarthritis (neck, again)
Heart Arrhythmia
Severe Insomnia […]
Every day its the same thing, like a movie over and over.
I officially wanna die. I mean it. I hate my life and I hate living. I wish I could get that loaded gun from my ex somehow.. I wish I could get my razors back from my other ex. I wish I could die. My life sucks. I posted my suicide story on youtube for those who want to see its (My Story- Suicide Morgan Davis)… I don’t even know if it’ll show up.. But if it does then watch if you feel like it.. I was almost in tears last night… And I can’t even cry I’ve cried so much. I’m ready to face […]
So as it turns out one of my closest friends is gay. He came out about 4 days ago and we were all shocked because he has had more GF’s than me in the past. We didn’t really know what to say, we couldn’t really say much since he just text us this.
We all met up the other night and it was the first real test to see if things were going to be different just because he was gay.  I like to think we are an open minded bunch, and I also liked to think that I am not prejudiced against anyone for any reason. But you never really know if your comfortable […]
When you take your meds and yet the hills are lower but the valleys deeper, you just want to die.
Nobody understands and money only postpones the inevitable.
People can’t understand, and sometimes nor can I.
But the way life is I just want to die.
I have no hall nor gun and thus can’t commit this ‘crime’ but I do have a death wish and that is mine.
When the meds do nothing but society asks, that you still take them to be all “well”
But you know that death cannot come quick enough
Though I fear and dread it
It solves all ills
Well I’m 21 years old and seriously considering taking my life. I have no friends, have never had a relationship or even a chance to prove my worth to a girl. I stand alone day and night living this hell I call my life. I’m so depressed, frustrated and the feeling of hopelessness that washes over me is the worst. I feel as if this is it for me, this is going to be my life until they put me in the ground. The older I grow the more the loneliness and fear of being alone grows and it’s becoming a harsh realization that I […]
Yesterday I went to a family Christmas party on my mom’s side of the family.
Two years ago this party was something my entire family attended, all 5 of my sisters and I would go together, with our parents. We were all there every single year, together.
However since that time, everything has changed. My 19 year old sister was kicked out of my family when she was 17 causing my parents to accuse anyone trying to help my sister of taking sides. Because of my parents choices, I wasn’t allowed to see my sister, grandma, aunt, or cousins, except for once or twice a year. […]
Believe me, I know about importance of life. How many cries echoed near the dead bodies of beloved ones? How many deals were made in desperation?
But somehow, against all my laws and rules of my family, sometimes I want to break myself, like toy soldier.
I thought that whining about how screwed up your life is – cowardliness and weakness, if you don’t have enough reasons to complain. If you’re alive, your family and friends is okay, then it’s fine. Even if there’s a little flaw somewhere in the basement.
I wish I could talk about anything about fear of being a burden. But I can’t. I […]
Here’s a scenario… imagine your life was nothing. Imagine waking up every morning scared of what will happen today….knowing nothing will happen because you aren’t good enough and some one in your head constantly reminds you of it. You promise yourself it’ll be different but that second person knows it wont and flaunts it. You get ready for school and if you don’t have time or your hair isn’t doing the right thing you freak out and hyperventilate. You think you’re having a heart attack and can not breathe but you still make your way out the door and to the bus for school. Once you […]
the only thing i fear is not death or dying, but knowing that after
you die there won’t be anything but complete darkness.
whenever i am alone in my room thinking about things,
i always felt that death is coming. I always ask myself why I still
exist in this world. Living without any reason seems painful to me. Every second that passes seems like a wasted time.
Having no purpose at all makes me feel like a worthless person. Sometimes I wonder if I really do have a freedom.
Freedom to choose what I want to be, freedom to do whatever
I wanted to […]
I don’t enjoy my life. I havent suffered a major tragedy or anything, I just dont enjoy it. I dont like my body but seem unable to change it. I’m tired ALL the time. Completely unmotivated. A job I cant stand. Friends who all have their own families and things going on. Always worrying about bills and how I’ll get by. And I just dont see it changing. I mean, I really dont.
This isn’t an emotional decision, it’s a logical one. I have thought and thought about it. If I dont enjoy my life and I dont see it getting better, why shouldn’t I just […]
My dad is depressed and I’m a little worried about him. I don’t know why I feel the fear I do of losing him to this depression but I am scared. The last two nights he has come home late and been drinking,, not hard liquor just beer, but if you knew my father, you’d know, before the depression he might of drank one beer every 7 to 8 months ( not exaggerating)  his depression has struck a cord in me and In worrying about him I kind of worry about myself. I don’t mean to sound selfish, because I am not but if suicide were on his mind and he went through with it (though […]
Hello happy and sad people,
I’ve been reading threads on this site for almost two years now. There were so many posts I could totally relate to the stories. Call it paranoia, I didn’t join this site until yesterday for fear of being monitored considering many folks are on a witch hunt to shut down or debunk Web sites like this one. I don’t want fuktards attempting to track me and feel like its their mission to “save” me.
Sometimes I’m at a point where I don’t give a fuck anymore. I feel it’s time for me to share in this community. Very recently a manager took […]
As I sit in a room by myself I cant help but think of what happened that night. Begging for you not to over and over again. but you insisted. I was scared all along but suddenly my fear became reality. I was trying not to scream  so your family wouldn’t wake up. It hurt. you knew it. I cried and cried laying there feeling like trashy. I still do. I feel gross and am still scared. I wish it didn’t happen, but it did.
i am starting not to see a reason to go on. i lost my family. my car,my friends, my job, my house, and my girl friend for the past 9 years doesn’t know if she want to be with me in her new live 500 miles away.i was so happy just 3 months ago when i had all those things and now i want to give up. every day i say to my self “i want to go home ” but the place and girl i called home is gone and will never come back. how do i find hope when my dreams and goals […]
I feel sorry for not being here for the last four or so days. I have no excuse, but the fact that I was stressed beyond belief. And I didn’t want to come here in fear that I’d become snappish and sarcastic to people, who actually need genuine help. And this all happens right before I go to the hospital, too.
But now I’m here. And I’m sad. I’m usually not, some of you know that. But today I am.
I remembered my father’s death today. And it saddened me, because I remember now, 3 years later, that I was partly at fault for his death.
He started […]