Well I’m 21 years old and seriously considering taking my life. I have no friends, have never had a relationship or even a chance to prove my worth to a girl. I stand alone day and night living this hell I call my life. I’m so depressed, frustrated and the feeling of hopelessness that washes over me is the worst. I feel as if this is it for me, this is going to be my life until they put me in the ground. The older I grow the more the loneliness and fear of being alone grows and it’s becoming a harsh realization that I may need to brace myself for a life of sorrow and pain. I’ve put up with this for 21 years and if I wait it out any longer eventually the stress/anxiety/fear of it all will take its toll. I’ve taken an attempt on my life once (tried hanging myself) but when I wrapped the noose around my neck I stopped and broke down into tears. I feel like society and this world hate me/reject me, no matter how hard I try to fit in or approach people something keeps me alone. I have tried so many online dating sites, tried approaching different women, all to no avail. At the end of the day it’s just me myself and I. I can’t take it anymore, Â I just can’t deal with this pain anymore. I can’t eat, sleep or close my eyes without walking up sweating and feeling as if someone is on me strangling the life out of me. I am currently trying to just accept the loneliness and embrace it as my fate hoping that will make me cope better. I just can’t see any hope of finding someone to spend life with, I hate to think of myself living all alone and dying alone. I fear that I’ll make another attempt on my life and this time succeed because this pain is getting to be too much. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t know how much more I can take. I am a good person volunteering, giving to charities, helping others in need even if they are strangers going through rough times. I have always placed others above myself and this is what I get in return? A life of loneliness and misery, a bunch of people who walked in my life and betrayed me leaving me standing here alone? Sorry this was a long rant and no one probably gives a damn, just some stranger going through his own problems right? I don’t even know why I wrote this I guess that’s me hoping someone out there cares for my sorry ass, that little shred of hope there it is coming out…
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I know exactly how u feel. U just described part of what’s running through my head, except ur a better person than I am. I’m not a ****, but I don’t volunteer, I don’t give to charity. u sound like a good person. I don’t know why it works out like this for us?
I’m not sure what to say, it makes me kinda sad when I read your story. You are 21 and still have a life in front of you to live. You could visit a psychologist, make he can help you out? You could also go to church, but you’ll probably cover your ears when I say the name Jesus. He too was and still is refused by people, just like you. But there are still plenty of people who have a warm heart for people with problems like your own. Don’t give up, be strong and find something that makes you happy. Find the right people and live the blessing called life.
Lonewolf421, I get some of your feeling there. Granted, I’m only 15. I’m just a girl. But there are those of us in this world who reach out to others and always them before us, only to get nothing in return. “The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffet the way they do.” ~ Anonymous
I don’t know if you’ve heard that or not, but it’s SO true! And it breaks my heart. If you ever want to talk, let me know. I can’t promise that I’ll understand, or even know some advice to help, but I can promise that I’ll listen.
<3 Emma
http://suicideproject.org/2012/01/just-saying-2/
@Lonewolf421 your story is the spitting image of my own (I hate to admit) I’m on the verge of calling it quits. If u don’t believe me read my very first post I’m wrote over a year ago.
Hey Clarity,
I believe you and I’m so sorry to hear that you’re suffering the same thing I’m going through. If you want to talk I’m always here just send me an email, karrymortel@yahoo.com anytime. Although I have suffered I have made it a goal of mine to seek out individuals going through problems and help them the best I can. If I am suffering I will give anything to make sure no one else goes through this. Stay strong Clarity, clench your fist and say I won’t give up on this life. I hope since your last post somethings have improved for you, I will make sure to include you in my prayers as well as everyone else.
Respectfully,
Lonewolf
This is my first post. Your post stood out to me – I came across this site after googling information about suicide as it relates to religion. I want you to know that I believe and I know that there is a God and the last thing he wants is for people to be lonely, estranged or confused. There was a time in my life when I felt a loneliness that never went away – and then in one evening – my life changed – it’s like I had an epitomy – I opened my eyes and realized that all my life – all the things that happened – that God was right in front of me – and I knew – most likely I was finally seeing and feeling the presence b/c someone prayed for me. It only took just a tiny step of faith on my part – to reach out – to open my eyes and since that day – I have never once felt alone. One of the books I read was The purpose driven life – it was really life changing. I also went to my doctor and was prescribed an antidepression – i know medication is not the answer to everything – but sometimes it helps balance the brain. You sound like a really giving, charitiable person – God does answer prayers – I promise you – he knows what is in your heart – there is someone out there for you. Don’t give up on all that you have to give and you have to know that there is someone out there feeling just like you. I will pray for you and I really hope – even if you are not religious – that you take a step in faith and pray – pray with the belief and knowledge that he is listening. God bless you.
Viclee,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am actually very religious and the only thing keeping me going is my faith in God. I know that I must trust in God and continue to pray and that opportunity will hopefully be presented to me. I’m about to graduate college soon and begin my career, but still being alone it just leaves me in tears some nights. Nonetheless I know I must keep my faith strong in God and only time will tell.
Respectfully,
Lonewolf