I am tired of my life. I am tired of looking back at my past and looking into my forward. I have a feeling of complete hopeless. I have been suffering from depression for 7 years of my 20 year life. I am usually always depressed about one thing or another but sometimes my depression explodes and hurls me into a scary state of mind. I am currently in one of these states of mind. I have a ugly past and I have obscene tattoos that remind me of it daily. I wake up and wish my tattoos where gone but they are not they […]
Almost 19 female. No job. No school. No friends (okay one friend) no goals. no joy no life.
I look at kids younger than me who have everything going for them i cant help but feel inadequatr pathetic and jealous. I am so disconnected to this world i spend most of it in my house alone watching tv drivig myself crazy with my thoughts. Iwonder what other girls my age are doing. Im sick of being so unadjusted. I know dwelling on it doesnt help but it is good to ley out my feelings. How do i l stop judging myself and comparing to other […]
I guess I just don’t know what I want from people anymore. It’s like I’m screaming for someone to take two seconds to notice that I’m dying. It’s like I’ve fallen down in the middle of a stampede, and everyone just keeps trampling me. They don’t notice that they’re about to lose me. Would they care? Would they even notice if I was gone? My own boyfriend is so obsessed with that damn piano that he doesn’t have time for me. I understand, because I’m a music major too, but I’d drop my guitar for him anytime. He knows that I’ve struggled in the past […]
I’ve been cutting since 7th grade. In 7th grade is when I first got bullied, some girl called me ugly, I told her off, she got her friends to go kick my ass blah blah blah. I dropped out half the year and decided homeschooling would be better for me, but no. It got worse, it lead to cyber bullying. I went back in 8th grade thinking it would actually be better since new people will come in, it was actually way worse than the year before. Rumors went around and what not. I left half that year also. During that summer, I made a […]
I’m not really wanted here at my home, my town, or my school. People even say it to me. Everyone seems to be strait up with me. Like “No one even likes you here, just leave already.” “If you take all of your medication and die no one would even care.” I mean like, I ignore them. But I can see why they don’t like me, I don’t even like me. Haha. I’m ugly, I’m too quiet, I never talk, I’m weird, I stare too much, I try to be smart in school (but get judged for it), my whole life revolves around my dead […]
Its amaxing to realise that this “high” i had felt wasnt really a high at all it just a foreign reactiontat o detected as a high but really it is the normal feelings that i am supposed to feel. This is my theory anyway….i really hope its accurate :/.
I can only imagine how azing high must feel….beyond satisfying.
Oh how ive been missing out.
Itakes me rage inside to see how other people have these “normal” feelings without even realising how good they have it.
Anyway …i feel these feeling starting to come about naturally..growing stronger and stronger…
maybe one day ill really believe it […]
This crap is getting really old. My new boyfriend, the one afore mentioned, turns out to be nothing that i was expecting under pressure.
The story starts on Thursday after school. Im texting him and his ‘best friend’ takes his phone and starts a convo with me like she knows me. Being the polite girl i am, i keep talking to her. She then tells me she has feelings for my bf and so my friend takes my phone and politely tells her(under me) that there needs to be boundaries cuz were dating. This girl starts trippin on me and i leave with my best […]
I’m not sure I have a grasp on reality. The only things  I know are my feelings and its hard to see events objectively.
I know that I was in love, I mean real unconditional love…for 10 years. The sound of his voice soothed my soul and being around him made me happy. i know how i felt about him terrified me.   And I know he went away. I know I was on medication for years afterward because I dreamed about him every night and somewhere deep down inside me my soul groaned endlessly – like a demon in hell. The suffering was unbearable and no comfort came. I […]
.I feel so depressed, I feel like i’m becoming emotionally and physically weaker! I just feel so dull and sick that I don’t even want to wake up in the mornings and feel like i have no hope :'( No one accepts me the way i am and I have become a bit boring since my depression. Idk if its because of that or not though…=( Gahh sorry for being dramatic but i feel very bad nowadays I’ve been lonelier than ever before as my self-proclaimed “best friends” don’t even message me or call me or anything. I understand that I go to a different […]
im sitting here and its past mid night
regretting ever little thing that happened in life
you cant take back the hands of time
the situations fit the crime
you got to move on
but moving is hard
since you concede your self to living in the dark
ive got no reason to be happy, or sad
i live my days always mad
mad at what? i don’t fucking know
i think sometimes its all for show
you have to feel something deep inside
so why not get pissed? its not easy to hide
then people will think your real,
people will think you feel
Feeling really insecure about my scars.. They are fading away and i don’t know what to make of that. I am not feeling depressed today (I am currently in my ‘happy’ cycle) but all I can think about is cutting.. especially on my arms. They have faded so much, I loved the look of them and now they are gone… I am so confused with these feelings.
When I crash into my ‘Depressed Cycle’ Â I know I will cut, badly. Guess I am just waiting. . […]
It seems almost childish to be posting something here – from my perspective anyway. I’ve always associated some sort of guilt with sharing. Â I’ve never been great at articulating my feelings well, and I’ve never found much comfort in expressing them, regardless. I’m not exactly sure what I’m even searching for by registering here. Closure? Comfort in confiding in countless, faceless others? Furthermore, I’m not even certain that, after posting this, I’ll even bother to return and read the comments – again, I’m uncertain as to my feelings regarding this. Fear, perhaps? Or maybe it seems unnecessary, as my only goal was, ultimately, expressing this […]
i feel lonely…i want to kill myself…but i dont want to hurt my family members…all people in this world see the outward appearance..they dont think about our inward feelings..i dont want to exist in this world..just a selfish world..all are about themselves..i cannot see any pure heart..
The small criss cross across my wrist
Nobody notices
Nobody cares
The small criss cross across my wrist
I want the the relief
I need the relief
Of the small criss cross across my wrist
I’ve been having a lot of self-esteem and confidence issues lately and I’ve even found it hard to express myself on here because I was too critical of myself and held back on what I want to say so I feel like I need to write because I need to be honest with myself. I feel like I’ve formed a personality from it because I never got over the bullying and now I believe all the things people said about me to be true and it’s hard to get over after believing it for so long and I don’t believe the people  who say that […]
This empty love is us alone.
I just can’t hold my feelings, I can not tell you that i don’t love you if you’re not here.
I can’t just pretend that it’s okay, I can’t force myself to feel something I just pretend.
I never wanted you to go away. I really wish you could stay.
I still love you, and you don’t care.
I still don’t get that you didn’t mean it.
I still don’t want to accept that I was dreaming.
I don’t want to realise that all was just a lie.
Hi – I’m a 22 year old girl, and I have had the luck to find someone who is the perfect match for me. If something like a “soulmate” exists, then I found mine, the love of my life. However, over 4 months ago I lost him to amnesia….he’s a soldier and he experienced a very bad psychic trauma, since that he forgot nearly everything about his past and his life. Of course, I was gone too. Over the months some of his memories came back, but nothing about me…I only saw him twice in this condition, and the last time was over 2 months […]
I don’t know what’s going on in my life. I feel so emotionally dead. Occassionally I feel small flickers of happiness, but it feels weird and stale…it doesn’t seem real. The only feelings I experience are sadness, disappointment, and anger. But most of the time I’m just existing, dull and monotonous. And what’s messed up is that I know that there’s really nothing going on that should make me feel this way. My parents are still together, I make good grades, I have plenty of friends, I have plenty of talents. It just feels like nothing matters. It’s all going to go away anyways. I’m […]
I want to die so badly. There are thousands of other girls who are battling AIDS, cancer and other diseases, clutching to life, but failing, and there’s me, just crying and wishing that someone would slit my throat so I dont have to. Im just not good enough for anyone. Im not expected to have feelings, Im not expected to have wishes and needs, apparently I cant even choose my own high school elective courses, and after being screamed at about it, I am not expected to feel upset, they want me to be all smiles, hugging them and saying “I love you”.
Theres a […]
I never quite know how to start these things, before I explain I have to say that I feel awful about the way I feel when there are people going through worse. I can’t control my feelings of upset and depression and I don’t quite know where they have come from and how they’ve escalated to me feeling so suicidal, I have a family, a few friends and a boyfriend, for the past 2 years I have struggled with agoraphobia and people not understanding saying I’m being over the top etc. I have no support from anywhere and I feel like I’m going through all […]